Am I wrong?

[curiuositykilledthecat]

 

A couple of weeks ago I had family visiting from out of town and we were all sitting down at my dinner table. All of a sudden the screws in one of the chairs my mom was sitting in came loose and she was no longer able to sit in the chair. We put the chair to the side and my bf said he would fix it. a few days passed and he still didn't fix it. A couple days later I got up and cooked dinner for us and afterword's I asked if he could fix the chair since I had just made us a meal. Again he said he would do it. I found out I was positive for COVID with no symptoms and was forced to be out of work isolating for a week, during that week he would wake up and start his uber job around 6pm and not come home until 6am, because he was trying to pay his half of the rent that was late. Again the chair had not been fixed. Today I walk in from my job to eat my lunch(I live at the building I work at) and he's sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone. I asked when he was going to fix the chair

this upset him and he proceeded to ask me why I asked him that when I had been home for a week and could have fixed it. I told him because he said he was going to fix it and he was here now playing a game so why not? He starts yelling about how he is never home and works long hours every day so I should have done it since I was home for a week. (He works Uber, so he can choose his own schedule, there are times where he will take 2-3 days off and not do anything and then say he works long hours so he's too tired to do anything)

 

There have been times where he has been home for several days and he doesn't do anything around the house, but when I'm at home, I'm expecting to cook and clean and do things around the house because he is out working all day. I work a full time job, plus run a small business, and am currently studying to get my real estate license and I think that house tasks should be shared.

 

At the end of the day if you say you are going to do something, do it and don't get mad when someone asks you about a task that you said you were going to do.

 

Was I wrong in this situation?

[LootieTootie]

No you weren't wrong. This guy seems lazy period. Is he a team player? No.

Looks like he does the bare minimum to keep you around, and then fight to do the minimum.

Ask yourself, are you worth the bare minimum?

 

[Andrina]

He was late paying half his rent, so this particular job of driving that even a 16 year old could do, isn't cutting it financially. Let me guess. He was carefree and a lot of fun when you began dating. And he in turn chose a partner who will be ultra responsible career-wise and financially, so he wouldn't have to worry about that since he'd always have you for shelter and all the other necessities.

Ever hear of people filling voids in the choice of their partners? Basically, it's a life of frustration. One needing to nag and the other arguing about the nagging. When you're with the right person, you never feel the need to nag.

If you think chores should be shared and if you want a man who will be able to contribute financially, and even be able save for retirement and have emergency funds saved, then free yourself in order to eventually meet a man like this. You should have standards for picking a lifetime partner. It's one of the most important decisions you'll ever make.

[catfeeder]

Is it really about the chair?

[melancholy123]

Andrina's last paragraph sums it up nicely.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, curiuositykilledthecat said:

  I think that house tasks should be shared.

How long have you been living together? Skip the nagging and power struggling.

Stop cooking, cleaning, doing all the housework. It's that simple. He's a grown man and knows how to shop, do laundry, cook, clean, etc. Stop doing that for him and resenting it.

Pick up a screwdriver and fix the chair yourself. Who assigned these tasks? 

Why nag? If you resent his laziness, just stop mothering him. 

[curiuositykilledthecat]

7 hours ago, Andrina said:

He was late paying half his rent, so this particular job of driving that even a 16 year old could do, isn't cutting it financially. Let me guess. He was carefree and a lot of fun when you began dating. And he in turn chose a partner who will be ultra responsible career-wise and financially, so he wouldn't have to worry about that since he'd always have you for shelter and all the other necessities.

Ever hear of people filling voids in the choice of their partners? Basically, it's a life of frustration. One needing to nag and the other arguing about the nagging. When you're with the right person, you never feel the need to nag.

If you think chores should be shared and if you want a man who will be able to contribute financially, and even be able save for retirement and have emergency funds saved, then free yourself in order to eventually meet a man like this. You should have standards for picking a lifetime partner. It's one of the most important decisions you'll ever make.

Thanks for your opinion and advice. I’m going to start making moves to get out of this relationship 

[curiuositykilledthecat]

22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been living together? Skip the nagging and power struggling.

Stop cooking, cleaning, doing all the housework. It's that simple. He's a grown man and knows how to shop, do laundry, cook, clean, etc. Stop doing that for him and resenting it.

Pick up a screwdriver and fix the chair yourself. Who assigned these tasks? 

Why nag? If you resent his laziness, just stop mothering him. 

Your absolutely right, and when I told him I was gonna stop cooking and cleaning he got mad and said that had nothing to do with this situation 

[curiuositykilledthecat]

Just now, curiuositykilledthecat said:

Your absolutely right, and when I told him I was gonna stop cooking and cleaning he got mad and said that had nothing to do with this situation 

We’ve been living together 5 years 

[curiuositykilledthecat]

7 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

No you weren't wrong. This guy seems lazy period. Is he a team player? No.

Looks like he does the bare minimum to keep you around, and then fight to do the minimum.

Ask yourself, are you worth the bare minimum?

 

Yes he is so lazy, but will be the first one to call me lazy. Thanks for responding! 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, curiuositykilledthecat said:

 I told him I was gonna stop cooking and cleaning he got mad 

Whose place is it? Do you co-own or co-lease? Move out or give him appropriate legal notice to move.

Stop talking at him and making threats. Simply stop all the mothering. 

[catfeeder]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stop cooking, cleaning, doing all the housework. It's that simple. He's a grown man and knows how to shop, do laundry, cook, clean, etc. Stop doing that for him and resenting it.

Pick up a screwdriver and fix the chair yourself. Who assigned these tasks? 

I agree with this in terms of doing HIS stuff for him. If you lived alone, you'd need to fix your own meals, do your own laundry and clean to the degree that you want your place clean.

So yes, I'd go on strike against serving or servicing HIM, but the bigger choice I'd make is whether or not I love the guy enough to continue living with him.