This Could Ruin My Whole Life

[Luminous_Eyes]

Okay...This may be weird but.. I have ALWAYS wanted a boyfriend who took me and him seriously. And now I've found one. We've been dating for about a month but..there's this problem.

 

I like him so very much but then sometimes I feel disgusted. Why I don't know or "what" its directed at. What if I don't have the ability to feel this emotion or some such thing.

 

This isn't how you're supposed to feel and I don't always feel this way but..every now and then I just do. Im so afraid that Im doing something wrong or were not meant to be or he doesn't like me. Its this conflict emotions and I think im getting screwed over.

 

Have any of you ever felt this way or know why I feel this way.

 

Feel free to ask me any questions that may clarify this..PLEASE HELP OUT!

 

[-o

[Empathy]

Are you saying that you're with a guy who can offer you the relationship you've always wanted but you feel disgusted by him sometimes?

[MetallicAguy]

Maybe he's acting like someone he's not. Some guys do that for girls because their usually hot and the guy wants to get in their pants pretty much.

 

 

Maybe he has a habit or a style or some sort of thing that you can't find in yourself, but deep down you know you hate it or something. Maybe you are doubting yourself because you like him so much and you think your not good enough.

[60Cycle]

Wow. I never though i'd meet someone that got like this, too. For many many years I would persue relationships. Then, once I got to the point where I was able to have this person as my girlfriend I would start to be disguated by her (but not her as a person it's hard to explain). I went for YEARS (roughly 10) without any relationships and denounced them as useless. Eventually, I found someone I liked and forced myself to get past it.

[Empathy]

Well, if the answer to my question is yes then I might be able to give you an idea. When I went to treatment for alcoholism they gave me this REEEEALLY long diagnostic test. When I got the results back they told me I had a disorder called self-defeating personality. I was like, "huh?" The doctor proceeded to tell me that I have all of the characteristics of a woman who is likely to be a battered wife. I was thinking "No way! Any guy tries to hit me I'll pick up a chair and throw it at him." lol. Then he started spouting off some of the characteristics of someone with a self defeating personality. One of them is that I am more likely to find myself in hurtful relationships. It all became clear to me then. I used to get disgusted by my first boyfriend when he was lovey dovey. Whenever he treated me right I pushed myself away, if he did something wrong it would upset me but ultimately I would end up more drawn to him. I also say that I want a nice sensitive guy who can treat me the way I deserve to be treated, but when one comes along I'm not attracted to them. I always wondered why then I found out. Read this site at the bottom and see if you fit the description. I definitely do. I remember crying after I found that site because it almost describes me perfectly. But I know I'm not the only one. I see a lot of people at these forums that could fit the description too.

link removed

[mgirl]

You name it, i have it. This sounds exactly like me. I actively push people away who care about me, i attract mean horrible people, and if they are not mean, they are usually neglectful in some way. I say i want a relationship, but when i really think about it, i only want to punish the other person.

 

Sh*t, help!

[Luminous_Eyes]

OMFG...Creepy...

 

So what do I do? AM I doomed forever? I care so much for this guy and its only just occasionally I feel like that and it is usually when moments get intimate...

 

Oh GOD! Now Im freaking out...

[Empathy]

lol. Don't freak out. It's ok. I'm sure there is something that can be done for us "battered wives." I have an appointment with my psychiatrist soon. I'll ask him about it and I'll let ya'll know what he says. In the mean time, if either of ya'll need someone to relate to just PM me and I'll be glad to give you my screen name. Us girls with a self-defeating personality have to stick together! Maybe we can work together to figure out something to defeat this self-defeating personality.

[DN]

[Empathy]

uuuummmm...what?

 

Edit: OH! Yeah! Happy birthday! lol

[Burning_Down]

*sigh*

 

I'm wondering if my friend has this. I asked her if she was okay and she flipped out, told me she doesn't like being given the third degree and has now stopped talking to me.

 

I couldn't figure it out because we were really close for ages - sometimes I think maybe it's just me and our friendship had run its course...but that seemed weird because it was all so sudden.

 

She does sound like someone with self-defeating personality. She doesn't like being helped, she gets into pseudo-relationships with no future, she appears to give up on stuff when it's going well or destroys it somehow.

 

The frustrating thing is there's nothing I can do about it. She doesn't want someone to save her...