grr!

[goddess23]

hey everyone. listen...my bf and i are well...okay we went out before 9 months great relationship he got confused 6 months went by he liked me again and we decided to igve it another shot but very differently. and i can honestly say im happy with the way it is. its basically like friends with benefits except it is exclusive and there are realll feeligns involved. its not like a BF/GF relationship in the sense that we're not waiting at eacohther lockers or spending everyyy day after school together ya no ? but the thing is hes really confused. like hes so hot and cold and its like everytime we get together afterwards he doesnt really care. and it just goes through these highs and lows! i realllly like him i mean hes the only guy ive ever liked since elementry lol seriously! and theres something special there, we did once love eacohther and its obvious neither of us can let go yet its kind of dysfuctional! im just wondering, im happy with it its just that it hurts to know that he might be changing his mind everyday on how he feels about me. do you think i should just go wtih the flow because i know for my high school career this is ITT? i know this sounds horrible but i know if this ended tomorrow my lips wouldnt touch another guys until a new chapter in my life began. seriously! if you were in my shoes, what would you do??

[kungfumaster]

I am not in your shoes, but this guy sounds like he's just into you for the sex maybe, and that's not good for you. this from the way you describe him, i.e., highs and lows, no consistensy there - so whenever he wants sex, he gets into you,and then afterwards, your thrown out on the curve so to speak emotionally.

 

my advise to you goddess is - get out of this relationship (easier said then done, i know, but you have to try for your own well-being, and for your own personal growth too) - its driving you nuts i think, plus they'll be plenty of other guys who will not be high and low with you ALL the time, who will actually love you and want to be with you for you and not for the sex alone. its time to move on and start a new chapter in your life!

 

take care.

kung fu

[arwen]

I have been there, exactly there, with my ex of four years. I would advise you to get out if you can, because honestly, I don't think a non-committal relationship like this ever really works out.

 

I think he is scared of committing, and this has nothing to do with the lockers thing. It has to do with the sense of obligation he would feel towards you when you would label what you have 'a relationship'.

 

Girl, I have learned from this experience, and I don't regret the pain I suffered from it. It is your own choice to stay with him. So in fact, the only thing I want to tell you is to stay really true to yourself. Be honest, and ask yourself if you are happy. If you would have the choice between this non-committed relationship and a committed one, which would you choose?

 

Take care of you in the first place,

 

Ilse.

[annie24]

I strongly agree with what Kungfu and Ilse said. I think that's fine - to decide you don't want to date anyone else until after you've finished high school. But, staying around with him in the meantime... yeah.... it's not about the lockers like ilse said. By avoiding the bf/gf title, he's avoiding responsibility for your feelings.

 

You have to evaluate if you are happy. If you are not - then trust me - your remaining time in high school will be better spent getting over him, so when you get to college, you can be emotionally ready for a new relationship, instead of spending your freshman year mourning the old relationship. Good luck!

[jasminebose]

I don't think you have to dump him just because he is non-commital! If you are ok with how it is now then there is really no issue. It may not be that he is only interested in sex but that he is taking the relp less seriously then you are. Is that such a bad thing, after all you are both only 17 (no disrespect intended). Or maybe he has other things (sports, hobbies, preparation for college) that are taking up his time/attention. If you are really unhappy I guess it makes sense to break up but if you are generally ok with it and know it will only last til school is over then why not just go with the flow?

[goddess23]

hey guys well girls thanks for the replies! okay well...i will admit AT FIRST it did drive me crazy for like the first week i was completely confused. but as i said before i can say that i am happy yet i am prety sure that this is not IT. however, then i think well hmm...do i really wanna be with my future husband right now?? btw, we're both still virgins, oh and hes a year younger lol but yeah we get together to fool around...but we also just spend time together or chat online. its clear that there are feeligns and we both talk all the time about how it is exclusive...but yet it is also clear he doesnt want to commit. now the question about if i had a choic between a committed relationship and a non committed (like this) i really dont know. i feel as if it wouldnt mmatter. me and him were very committed and it was great and il oved every moment yet i can honestly say i dont really want that again right now (at this point im just tooo busy for a serious relationship). but im so scared about getting hurt or just hurting mmyself. thanks for your replies though, there were some reallly insightful comments that made me question myself. and after it all i think i can honestly say that at the moment i am content with myself and the situation. thank you all i must say there was something amazingly interesting and insightful in each post which is quite unusual!