Having a neurodiverse child - Venting - Feeling like a lousy parent

[tattoobunnie]

First, raising tiny human beings is hard...full stop there. I don't care if you have or don't have help...at the end of the day, your baby(ies) are your baby(ies), and your job 24/7 even if you are a stay at home parent or working parent.  Dad, hubs, left for a traveling work position and will be gone till xmas, and then will be away for six weeks at a time.  Yes, anyone can survive.  But my eldest who's neurodiverse, has been on suicide watch since December, and in therapy twice a week, also lost his one good friend he's made at school who just upped and moved away without saying goodbye last week.  In fact, I don't think the kid even knew, because they were chatting last week after he's been home from school for a week that he isn't coming back because he moved to Florida.

I feel so awful for my son. Like awful.  

This combined with getting a follow-up letter yesterday from CPS because some *** neighbors lied about my youngest got hit a couple of times by cars just to get them there.  First of all, if he was hit a couple of times by cars, the police would have been the ones filing a report.

I hate my town.  I don't know if I have a question...maybe I do...his social worker and therapist have been made aware about dad being gone.  And they will be working with my boys about this.

Was holding down the fort just fine past 10 days, I am a bit overwhelmed today seeing his therapist's notes my son said was okay to share with me from their session yesterday.

Because of his one friend leaving, I let him have a playdate with with a boy who's parents I have beef with.  They had a nice time.  It does put me in a tough spot when they insist on trying to keep a personal relationship with me.

Having a neurodiverse genius kid, they don't make good friends easily, and I'm passed the stage making mom friends to have friends for your kid stage for my eldest.  Differences start to show.  So while we're involved in groups and the community, we aren't really ever invited out.  I can be cool with keeping to myself, and hang with buddies when I can...but I am  doing my best with my kids.  My youngest is okay...although he's picked up being defiant and naughty...mind of his own, which never helps.  I really hope I am doing all I can.  

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way and experiencing this.  Can you join your husband (with the kids) on his business trip and do virtual school or homeschool?  Do you have help from sitters or family, etc?  Do you have non-parent/non-mom friends? (Do you want any?).  I'm sorry you're feeling so insecure!

[Seraphim]

I am sorry life is so hard for everyone right now. My son is neurodivergent as you know. When he reached teens and adulthood he found his “ tribe”, the people he gets along most with. Does your son have any special interests? My son makes his friends around his niche interest. 

[tattoobunnie]

No more remote school permitted unless you are in quarantine, and I work full-time.  I have friends, several great friends...that also live either 1 to 3 to 5 hours away.  I'm okay.  I am more concerned about my kid's emotional well-being.  I had thought he was doing just fine throughout when we were forced to go remote in March through June 2020, only for him to tell his social worker in December that if he ever had to go remote again, he would kill himself.  I don't have a fly on the wall view in his mindset, so it's not so much I'm feeling insecure...I am essentially somewhat helpless as a parent - blindsided in the past is best to describe it.  All I can do is let his teacher, social worker and therapist know.  Our principal is also making sure to check in on him. 

At the end of the day, I am not the one in control of his emotions.  Being neurodiverse, his ability to adjust or level of awareness is different.  Life would be easy if I could just say "chin up" and "get over it" or just give him some good TLC with R&R.  I don't want him to internalize what is going on, which could cause him to find negative ways in trying to deal with things.

[Seraphim]

I have forgotten your son’s age . 

[Seraphim]

Sent you a message . 

[tattoobunnie]

Just now, Seraphim said:

I am sorry life is so hard for everyone right now. My son is neurodivergent as you know. When he reached teens and adulthood he found his “ tribe”, the people he gets along most with. Does your son have any special interests? My son makes his friends around his niche interest. 

That is really awesome to hear.  My biggest hope is that he will find his "tribe" too. 

His one friend just moving...it was a big surprise.  I was super stoked when he first told me about him, and they were hanging out on playdates and online...then poof, he shares he's not coming back.  He is in afterschool classes and sports and community groups...but there's a lot of things he may not pick up on, and he's never invited to outings, like ever.  No parties.  (Unless it's with that one family with the parents I'm not thrilled about) He has his two loved camp friends not in the same school he sees on rare occasions, and when I set up outings with my friends with kids.  I do see pics from the other families, and I have extended invites over the years that are declined and never reciprocated.

My youngest on the hand doesn't have special needs and gets invited to playdates and parties. 

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

That is really awesome to hear.  My biggest hope is that he will find his "tribe" too. 

His one friend just moving...it was a big surprise.  I was super stoked when he first told me about him, and they were hanging out on playdates and online...then poof, he shares he's not coming back.  He is in afterschool classes and sports and community groups...but there's a lot of things he may not pick up on, and he's never invited to outings, like ever.  No parties.  (Unless it's with that one family with the parents I'm not thrilled about) He has his two loved camp friends not in the same school he sees on rare occasions, and when I set up outings with my friends with kids.  I do see pics from the other families, and I have extended invites over the years that are declined and never reciprocated.

My youngest on the hand doesn't have special needs and gets invited to playdates and parties. 

I understand my child was never invited and bullied a lot. It is so hard on them. 

[tattoobunnie]

8 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I have forgotten your son’s age . 

He's 9.

[Seraphim]

Just now, tattoobunnie said:

He's 9.

It is a difficult age coming into the preteens and hormones and all but it gets better. The hormones even out. 
 

My son is 24 now and it is pretty good but he has taken a massive mental health beating due to Covid as well. 

[melancholy123]

Help me - what does neurodiverse mean?

[Fudgie]

27 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Help me - what does neurodiverse mean?

Usually denotes someone being on the autistic spectrum. 

[Seraphim]

43 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Help me - what does neurodiverse mean?

Neurodiverse is someone who is Autistic, ADHD, any brain that is not neurotypical. It can be people who have brain injury, epilepsy, personality disorders, trauma damaged brains etc . A brain that does not operate in “ the norm”. 

[BecxyRex]

I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time. This too shall pass, it usually always does. If you need mom support, please feel free to message me. 

[arjumand]

Let me support what Seraphim said -- they eventually find their people. My daughter has pretty severe ADHD and had a hard time socially on and off. Fifth grade was a nightmare -- her best friend dumped her for the popular group and she felt very alone. Then she went to arts camp that summer and BOOM, she found her people and what she wanted to do. She is now 20 and while she is not in art school yet -- very much NOT ready for college at 18 -- she is accomplishing substantial things, living an exciting life and will get there in a couple of years. She is now bilingual and moved abroad. 

[tattoobunnie]

12 hours ago, arjumand said:

Let me support what Seraphim said -- they eventually find their people. My daughter has pretty severe ADHD and had a hard time socially on and off. Fifth grade was a nightmare -- her best friend dumped her for the popular group and she felt very alone. Then she went to arts camp that summer and BOOM, she found her people and what she wanted to do. She is now 20 and while she is not in art school yet -- very much NOT ready for college at 18 -- she is accomplishing substantial things, living an exciting life and will get there in a couple of years. She is now bilingual and moved abroad. 

Awesome...thank you for sharing!!!!!