When is a relationship not a relationship?

[EternalOptimis]

When does "dating" become a relationship? Is it subjective? Is it after intimacy? A set period of time? A set number of dates? A set number of personal effects are kept at each other's house? Someone says the three words?

I was having a conversation with a friend who was trying to recall all his relationships and some of them lasted under 2 months. Some involved fewer than 5 dates (but over 6 months), only one involved living together.

 

[SooSad33]

I'd say a relationship is set when BOTH truly feel it's all good and a commitment to just that one person.

Meaning no more 'searching', but all feels alright with the one you are seeing and you want to continue with just that one.

No, not after intimacy, as anyone can have sex ( hence fwb), which means that occasional fun hook-up.  No expectations.

As for those 3 words, would hope that comes about after things are settled and both have felt all is good with this one person.  (and I'd hope at least a few months, not weeks!).  Love develops over time as the relationship builds.

IMO, re: your friend, I'd say something which only lasted a few week, was not an actual relationship ( but just dating).  Was only a short time. And the one over 6 mos, sounds like a fwb.

 

 

[Seraphim]

When both people feel it is a relationship. My husband and I called it a relationship from our very first date. Been together since . 

[HeartGoesOn]

Before intimacy.   Otherwise it's FWBs, which is not a relationship, (imo).

[catfeeder]

4 hours ago, EternalOptimis said:

When does "dating" become a relationship? Is it subjective? Is it after intimacy? A set period of time? A set number of dates? A set number of personal effects are kept at each other's house? Someone says the three words?

I love your screen name, BTW.

When we're speaking of adults and not middle schoolers who keep themselves in the dark to avoid admitting not knowing something, then why the mystery? Simply state what you're looking for out of dating--up front--when you meet a potential date, and then ASK that person whether what THEY hope to find aligns with what you hope to find.

From there, you've opened an ongoing conversation as you move forward to easily learn where you stand with this person at any given time.

I mean, sure, it's a bit premature on date number 2 to declare feelings and ask whether that person sees a future with you, but to keep dating someone only to WONDER instead of simply asking? That makes no sense.

If you keep dating someone that you really like, there's nothing stopping you from saying, "There's no pressure here, I'd just like for you to know that I've stopped dating other people. This doesn't mean that you must do the same, but I'm a one-person-at-a-time dater, and I've really been enjoying our time together."

Then listen. Either they feel the same, OR, they will convey that they're still playing the field. 

If it's the former, you've gained some clarity about where you stand, but if you opt to stick around for the latter, you're positing yourself to be kept in the dark.

It's about communication for clarity rather than the messy kid stuff of guessing games.

Good topic!

[Rose Mosse]

It's subjective and between the individuals involved.