Am I paranoid or should I end things?

[Chad4572]

50 minutes ago, Lambert said:

Why are you using all these preconceived notions and assumptions that paint every person as the same?

Why are you jumping into bed with him, when you are clearly unsure and insecure? 

You seem to be focused on the negative narrative that feeds your insecurities to find or create problems. Rather than working on your communications with this guy to ensure you are on the same page.

You were needy and unsure in your original post. You had a good time with him in your update. But here you go again choosing to be needy and make yourself crazy.

Why are you doing this to yourself. If you're so nervous, so scared, so paranoid, stay single. don't date.

Work on accepting yourself. Knowing yourself and your needs so you're not so turned around at every interaction.

Geesh... what do you want a commited next date?  Then ASK HIM FOR IT! Stop being lead around and disappointed because you're not opening your mouth.

Very honest and fair—thank you. I am trying to decide if I need to just exit this for his sake and mine bc of anxiety. But all of this helpful, seriously thanks. 

[Lambert]

41 minutes ago, Chad4572 said:

Very honest and fair—thank you. I am trying to decide if I need to just exit this for his sake and mine bc of anxiety. But all of this helpful, seriously thanks. 

Good luck. I hope you work on some things so you can be happy.

Any time you care, it's a risk... that's true of everything- romance, friendship, professionally. 

Working on allowing what comes to come and what goes to go, may help you. It's the Buddhist practice of detachment.

It won't stop disappointing things from happening... they happen to all of us. but it might help you not base your own value on things you can't control. 

Having that realistic, self-reliant mentality has helped me. Sure I might get hurt or feel bad, but I also know I'll get thru it! 

A very cool place to be. ❤

[Kwothe28]

26 minutes ago, Chad4572 said:

We had a talk before we both left about being exclusive—not seeing other people and whatnot. I just had wondered if things had change.

 

1 hour ago, Chad4572 said:

We both said we missed the other and he even asked if I told my family about him (I did) and he was like oooh they now know you have a bf

Why are you seeking an answers to the question that he already answered to you? 

Its symptomatic that your answer to even something nice that happens in your relationship is to either question it and pester him if its true or just simply leave. I get that anxiety and past experiences are getting to you hard, but at least for now there is no reason to panic that much. If he said that you were exclusive andd even asked you if you told your parents and teased you about it, why is your instict to leave? Because he didnt schedule something right away? You are deliberately seeking negative stuff and dismiss or question positive. Talk and work with therapist on that.

[greendots]

10 hours ago, Chad4572 said:

he was like oooh they now know you have a bf

That means he's your boyfriend. Why say that otherwise?

10 hours ago, Chad4572 said:

he left in the morning and said “I’ll see you soon”

Means "I'll see you soon."

You guys are moving forward. Focus on that. 🙂

[Rchael]

11 hours ago, Chad4572 said:

UPDATE: we did end up meeting up for an event yesterday night. His roommate came, we left early for food, and came back to my place where we basically ate then jumped each other bc of the two weeks apart. We both said we missed the other and he even asked if I told my family about him (I did) and he was like oooh they now know you have a bf—and we’ve never used labels. He stayed the night and it was all fine until he left in the morning and said “I’ll see you soon”—I’ve always been under the assumption this was guy talk for “I’m not interested but I’m trying to be nice”. And he said it at least twice. I’m trying schedule a session with my therapist to discuss my anxieties around this, but this is a bad sign right? He’s always made concrete plans before this. I get I’m too needy but I guess I’m trying to see if I can even talk to him about this and maybe get some answers or if I just need to take the L and let this fizzle. 

If this pattern persists and he don’t offer any reasons, there may be another explanation for his behavior why is he like that.

[reinventmyself]

I suspect he picked up on your insecurity and anxiety while on vacation.  This was the perfect beta test to see if either of you were capable of trusting each other and giving each other the space to enjoy your time away from each other.  Your anxiety about your need to connect with him and the catastrophic feelings you had when it didn't meet your expectations likely seeped through.

Two weeks in and things are fragile.  You basically don't know each other.  He might be wary of what he's signing up for and what's in store for him in the future.

Do not have a summit talk with him about "what is this" at this time.  I'd manage your expectations of someone you barely know, step back and observe whether or not he's the right guy for you. 

The only reason someone will be with you is because they want to.  Not because you talked about it and put labels and constraints on it.

Break up with him?  Wny?  Breaking up with him now would be for no other reason other than you letting your insecurities drive the show.  

[Chad4572]

6 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

I suspect he picked up on your insecurity and anxiety while on vacation.  This was the perfect beta test to see if either of you were capable of trusting each other and giving each other the space to enjoy your time away from each other.  Your anxiety about your need to connect with him and the catastrophic feelings you had when it didn't meet your expectations likely seeped through.

Two weeks in and things are fragile.  You basically don't know each other.  He might be wary of what he's signing up for and what's in store for him in the future.

Do not have a summit talk with him about "what is this" at this time.  I'd manage your expectations of someone you barely know, step back and observe whether or not he's the right guy for you. 

The only reason someone will be with you is because they want to.  Not because you talked about it and put labels and constraints on it.

Break up with him?  Wny?  Breaking up with him now would be for no other reason other than you letting your insecurities drive the show.  

Maybe—though I thought the night went fine. The texting hasn’t been great—I’ve not heard from him since noon—so maybe you’re right. We had plans scheduled for the end of the week. 

[MrMan1983]

On 9/27/2021 at 4:53 PM, Chad4572 said:

“I’ll see you soon”—I’ve always been under the assumption this was guy talk for “I’m not interested but I’m trying to be nice”.

As a guy I tend to say “I’ll see you soon”, if I want to see someone soon. I would be so baffled if someone I was dating raised that as a red flag. 

[MrMan1983]

On 9/28/2021 at 11:58 PM, Chad4572 said:

Maybe—though I thought the night went fine. The texting hasn’t been great—I’ve not heard from him since noon—so maybe you’re right. We had plans scheduled for the end of the week. 

Texting being the key word there, maybe work on tapering off the texting side and using the phone for setting dates and focussing more on the actual time you’re together. If it’s all good face to face then happy days 🙂 Sounds like the texting side is causing anxiety and also like it could create issues between you that weren’t there. It’s nice to have ‘some’ contact but you’ll both have more intrigue and better conversations when you do meet up without daily excess texting, also gives him a chance to miss you.