gradle Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 Thanks hope, thanks bluetrap… Echo, I know you probably want more individual attention on your topic, and I sincerely hope you get it…I've been keeping up with your thread and I've been hoping that you get stronger … I like to keep my posts open b/c hope, muneca, annie, dan, playbrat and countless others have helped me a great deal. They have really been there for me when I honestly had no one else to go to. It's on a forum for several reasons…one, b/c I know they give such sound advice b/c most of them have/are going through something similar, and two, b/c if I am panicking, someone might be there for help, while I know hope has been wonderful, I cannot count on her to be there every second of the day, so I am able to hear calming words from another wise poster in the mean time… These people have been wonderful to me, and I know the progress I have made since posting on this forum has been huge, regardless of whether or not I always took their advice...and I realize my thread is super long, and that while it's probably frustrating to some others, I hope that others can gain some wisdom and insight from my own experiences/mistakes/revelations/humiliations… On another note…I think I'm ok with j and I being separated for now…I do hope we can work it out in the future and wouldn't mind taking steps to make that happen (perhaps making myself better, a visit or 2 on both ends, continued communication) I know that I cannot force him to come back to me…but I really don't think it's out of the picture…do you think continued communication while we are apart is the way to go if we want to work it out when he returns to dc? Or is that a step closer to disaster? Oh, I wish I knew… Link to comment
Echo Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I didnt mean to offend you Gradle I am glad you are at a better place now...I wish you well. Link to comment
gradle Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 oh echo it's ok...i just hope that your situation gets better, and that you feel better... Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I am also glad that there is hope for someone. It makes me feel good to see that there are people out there going through the same things. The problem is that I am so sad and missing her like crazy. WHY ME! why cant i have found the love of my life and not have any problems? I need help from you guys about the right things to do. I also want to end up with her. Could you guys help me out. Maybe give me some suggestions? It feels like I do not want to live my life right now. Nothing enthuses me without her in it. All I can think about is her. I want to be with her so bad. Please look at "What am I supposed to do" thank you. best of luck. I wish I had some. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I am also glad that there is hope for someone. It makes me feel good to see that there are people out there going through the same things. The problem is that I am so sad and missing her like crazy. WHY ME! why cant i have found the love of my life and not have any problems? I need help from you guys about the right things to do. I also want to end up with her. Could you guys help me out. Maybe give me some suggestions? It feels like I do not want to live my life right now. Nothing enthuses me without her in it. All I can think about is her. I want to be with her so bad. Please look at "What am I supposed to do" thank you. best of luck. I wish I had some. Sad, You should be talking about this on your thread, rather than hijacking gradle's thread. You will get more attention there, and not take the attention away from Gradle, on her thread. Gradle, I think it would be fine to keep in contact with J when you go to DC, but I wouldn't say every day. Maybe once a week or less, you can take turns calling each other, and keep updated on one another's lives. Try not to make it so much that you can't move on and think about anything else though....after all, this is your move and your opportunity for a new life! Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 That was not my intention. I am just trying to get some good advice and Gradle has given me the best advice yet. I thank her.... Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Geez.. sadnconfused.. it didn't seem you were hijacking the thread to me.. you are talking about the same things basically. It's not like you posted something that turned the thread into a completely different subject unrelated to what the original poster started. I have seen that happen on this forum. I think it's good for people to be able to see other people in similar situations.. even if they are afraid to post themselves. I think most people are here for guidance, no? Chin up sadnconfused.. I wil try to go visit your thread when I can. Link to comment
gradle Posted July 9, 2005 Author Share Posted July 9, 2005 so i had a couple of my friends over for dinner and beer pong last night and then we headed to the bar...and it was a pretty good time. i ended up at C's house and we made out, a lot i made sure we didn't go too far...it was a little awkward in the morning, but i think we got out of it ok. i hope we can continue to do this until i leave . i was sad though. i missed j's kiss, and the openness he and i had. i miss it not feeling kind of awkward in the morning. i'm worried that things are gonig to be really awkward b/t my friends and i (most of them live with C) and i really don't want that considering i depend on them so much. but i was really sad for a while...i miss j, a lot. i wonder if he thinks about me at all. i wonder if he has made out with anyone... i'm just confused... Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Sounds like the same thing I think every day. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Hey Gradle! Sounds like you had a good time last night, and accomplished your mission of kissing C.... did you enjoy it, even a little? I think some harmless kissing with someone who is clearly interested in you as well is fine, just be sure to establish some boundaries, so he doesn't come to expect more, and he feels good about what you guys are doing too. It's always different when we kiss a new guy for the first time, and it's natural to think in our heads how it was different from the last guy we kissed... and that's OK. It takes time and feelings to establish the closeness that only exists in a relationship where you know each other well, you will find that again, it just takes time. Try not to think too much about J and what he's doing. As long as you are doing OK at least having some fun (and it sounds like you did.. ) that is what is most important. You've come a long way in the last few weeks, and I for one am proud of you. Link to comment
Echo Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Good going Gradle. Keep moving forward. You'll get there it takes time Link to comment
gradle Posted July 10, 2005 Author Share Posted July 10, 2005 hi all... so some news...i made out with C again last night, and he's such a sweety...i went to a party with one of my old friends that just moved to boston, and then i went to his place, and he was the sweetest he asked me if i were okay with all of this, (us making out with my J situation) and i thought he meant about this whole not being a real relationjship thing...and then i told him that i was totally fine with it...but that i wasn't looking for a relationship.... maybe that was wrong...b/c i have so much fun just talking/hanging out with him, but i know i'm not ready for a relationsihp, not even close...but i just wish that we could hang out more together....but whatever...i need to find me by myself... and then, i went shopping, and guess who called? J.... i didn't pick up...he left a message that was like...hi, i just wanted to see how you were and how your weekend was going. call me back if you want to.... so i haven't called him back yet. and it's just this weird feeling i'm having. i know he had a friend in town, the same friend that was never nice to me...part of me thinks j might be doing this for me to call him in front of this friend (does that make sense? so he looks like a bada&* in front of his friend? to be like yeah, my ex is still in love with me?) and i really don't want to do that. another point of it is..i've been doing so well since i finally accepted that it's over for now. and i'm scared of how it's going to be when i talk to him. when he asks who i've been hanging out with, what i've been doing...partly nervous b/c i don' treally want to tell him about C. so i guess i could just not call him at all, but then i don't want to ruin chances of us talking normally in the future.... so maybe i should call him back later tonight or tomorrow? just keep it short and sweet and nothing more. but his away message right now says he is "playing tennis or something". ... and it makes me wonder who he's playing tennis with...the boy hates to play tennis, sometimes i woudl have to force him to play...so i'm wondering if there's a girl who's getting him to play...and i know it might be hypocritical of me to ask/wonder/know with my whole C situation....but i can't help it... i know he knows i'm home right now.....i think i should go for a run and sit on this for now...any thoughts? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Cool! I like how things are going with C! Nah... don't tell J about C... what's the point? I'd wait at least another day until you call J back... at least until his friend is gone. Call him tomorrow night or something... go out for that run! have a great night! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Agreed with Annie. Sounds like you & C are on the same page, and I think that's great. I would also not call J tonight, just call him back tomorrow. If this friend is with him and that is his intention, you don't have to give him the satisfaction. You don't have to tell him about C, either. It's none of his business. Just keep the convo light and casual. You really have been doing well since you've accepted that things are over with J for now. I am so proud of you! Don't overanalyze the tennis thing, it doesn't matter if he's with a girl or not. The important thing is how well you are doing, and hey, you're moving in a month!! Keep up the good work! (and keep us updated, Ok??) Link to comment
gradle Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 thanks for the support annie, hope , echo, gosh, i was just thinking about how insane i was right after j and i broke up...haha, i swear i'm not really like that...i'm actually a pretty laid back person...i'm having few problems not talking to j right now, i'm actually doing pretty well, and amazed at my self control... i mean, i miss him like crazy. but i'm not going to act crazy anymore, i'm quite confident in that. and C called me tonight...just to check up, man, why is he being so sweet...? he knows i don't need/expect anything from him really, except to cuddle sometimes...i wish he wouldn't be so nice, makes me feel a little sad that i'm leaving boston...i guess he's studying for the MCATs for next april and is really nervous about it, so it'll be good for him for me to leave, he'll have more time. but i like talking to him. he's so sweet. it really helps me to not think about j.... but what guy wouldn't be so sweet when they know they can get some (light) play and have no strings attached? hahha Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 umm... yeah! What guy wouldn't love this setup? Fooling around, no strings attached - he is more than happy to oblige and help you get over J! Enjoy it!!!! Don't feel bad, don't feel like you owe him anything! He is getting the pleasure of your company! BTW: Gradle - did you know that you have the 2nd most responses ever to a topic on eNotalone? #1 is this one: link removed hehehe - we'll surpass it one day! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Wow Gradle! See? You are a fascinating and captivating woman! Any guy who can't appreciate that is a waste of your time. Now close your eyes and think about C kissing you! Link to comment
gradle Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 haha, you ladies are funny for the uplifting posts...i'm gonna try and dream about C tonight! Link to comment
gradle Posted July 12, 2005 Author Share Posted July 12, 2005 hi guys... i have an update as far as how i'm feeling... i had a pretty good day...i think i'm goin to go ahead and put in my 2 weeks at the end of the week... i have a coworker that sold me 2 tix to the red sox yankees game on thursday, and i texted a few people to see if they wanted to buy it and go with me...one of my friends responded first, but C responded, a little too late, i would have loved to go with him, but i have to stay true to my friend, he responded first so i shoudl go with him... but it was weird...the only thing i could get out of my head all day, was how i was folding laundry with C at his place yesterday morning...and he showed me how he liked me to fold it...and i kept thinking i was messing it up, and i kept redoing the stupid shirts, thinking i was messing up...and he told me i was doing fine, who cared, it looked fine, and it was stupid shirts... and i didn't know why i was like that... but i know now...J used to get mad at me for not folding his shirts "just right" or hanging his shirts "just right" or being "just right"....i worked so hard to be so perfect for him..i'd try and fold the stupid shirts a million times,i would try and make dinners perfect, work out so much, never was it good enough, never was i good enough for him. and it just hit me today. he used to criticize me so much. and i would ask him to stop, but it was always sooo much...about nothing big, just small things, folding clothes, doing dishes, the kittens...i messed up so much in his eyes. and i honestly always thought that there was something wrong with me (this has been a slowly building process for over a year now)...but i don't htink it is...it was just degrading my self confidence...and i'm a little ashamed at myself for putting up wiht it...i don't know if it were some sort of emotional abuse...i think i remember accusing him of that at some point a few months ago...but he was constantly doing...i never felt good enough, so i thought i needed him to be good enough. and i don't . Link to comment
Mun Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 I must have missed this....but why do you call C your Sex and the City guy? I think you are doing great getting back out there and having some fun with a new guy. Good going gradle Link to comment
gradle Posted July 12, 2005 Author Share Posted July 12, 2005 and i can't believe it..i've been crying like a baby since it hit me... i don't know why he treated me like that. it's not like he did it in front of anyone else... it's not liek he did it for the really big things all the small things...i did them all wrong in his eyes, i was all wrong... but i didn't do anything wrong. i was so close to fn perfect! why did he have to make me feel that way? it was just killing me slowly Link to comment
gradle Posted July 12, 2005 Author Share Posted July 12, 2005 hah, he's my sex and the city guy b/c he woudl always watch it with me if i were feeling guy...and now he's trying to catch up to where i am so we can watch the rest of them together... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Blah! He'd critisize you for not folding his shirts just right? What a jerk! If I were you, I would have said, "Ok then, if I don't do it right, do it yourself!!!" Really, it's in that book, "Why men love B*****s." Don't take that kind of crap from him. You're the gf, not the maidservant!!! Ok - J is starting to sound like a jerk. I had an ex that would do that to me also. I would cook, but he would complain that my food was too "ethnic." I stopped cooking for him. Yes, it is a form of abuse. I like the response in the book one woman gave when her date critisized her nail polish color: "The suggestion department is closed for the night. But, if you fax your comments in the morning, we will promptly file them in the in box." And she pointed to the trash can. Gradle - that's what you're going to say if a man ever says to you again that you're not doing something right!!! Link to comment
gradle Posted July 12, 2005 Author Share Posted July 12, 2005 thanks annie, thanks jake, yes, you're right, why did i put up with it? it was just this thing that built up so slowly, and i know i've always taken these little comments to heart, but it started getting worse andworse when nothing else was going well...like they weren't helping when i was already depressed about the weather, the job...everything...and on top of that i feltl like i could never be good enough for us... he does act like a jerk...he's just super anal retentive about some things...but some things he woudl just be mean about. like if he came overt o my place and it was messy he'd say something about it...but i'd go to his place after he'd been busy with school and it woudl be a pig sty...and i might laugh at him, but i would just say, it's ok, worry about when you have time, and iwoudl try to help out... and he woudl just ask me why i woudn't yell at him for having his place be a mess... and iwoudl just look at him funny and i know i woudl think, who cares? that's just temporary...he's more than some messsy place... why did i put up with it/ i'm such an idiot... no more! and i know he's on line right now waiting for me to talk andi'm not going to... i need abreak... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Woohoo!!!! You are seeing the light! I'm glad you've finally taken him down from the pedastal. Yeah, I think all those things he said were pretty "jerky!" I mean, think about it. If you were going over to a stranger's house for dinner, you would never think of critisizing their food! So why would you treat your gf worse than you would a stranger? Link to comment
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