gradle Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 i'm trying.. i just wonder how he's doing...and what he's up to... i guess next time he calls i'll ask him how his bday went. it's a beautiful day today adn i'm sure he just is happy about that.. plus the pistons are on at 9 for game 7, i know i'm pumped nad i'm sure he's excited... pooey,....i'm just down i guess... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 i'm trying.. i just wonder how he's doing...and what he's up to... i guess next time he calls i'll ask him how his bday went. it's a beautiful day today adn i'm sure he just is happy about that.. plus the pistons are on at 9 for game 7, i know i'm pumped nad i'm sure he's excited... pooey,....i'm just down i guess... Gradle, Today is going to be an especially hard day for you, I know it's really tough. Try to hang in there, and remember how much you want to give him the space he asked for. You gave him a lovely card and poster, and I'm sure he appreciated that. Hang in there! Link to comment
brando Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Gradle, Hang in their... you have done all you can. Give him what he is asking for...and take care of you. Try to focus on something else other than him. Link to comment
gradle Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 so i think one of his friends came into town today... makes me sort of sad...that he's having fun with them and i'm not allowed to join in.... but i keep telling myself to get over it... thanks for helping me stay strong hope and brando... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Hey hon - it's ok, today will be over in a few hours. You'll feel better tomorrow. Go rent a movie tonight or something. Yes, it is unfortunate - the things that go along with being an ex.... I felt that way too, with my last relationship.... we had a lot of mutual friends (but they were mostly his friends), so he got to keep them after we broke up, and I wasn't invited to their parties anymore.... That's why it's important to have your own friend base. You know, I've hear a million stories of someone getting their heart broken, only to meet someone a million times better soon afterwards! I think that RayKay's story is one of those. I just met someone recently who really knocked my socks off! I don't even care about the ex anymore!!! Isn't that great? Chin up, ok? Link to comment
DyingInsideOut Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Hi Gradle, Hang in there. I know how you feel. It's a rough day, but tomorrow is coming and hopefully it will be better. You will think of him one less time tomorrow. So instead of thinking of him a million times, it will only be 999,999. Try and remember that. Everyday that goes by, you will get stronger. It may not seem like it now, but it will. We're all here for you. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Hi Gradle, Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. I know this is hard on you , especially today. It's almost over though, a few more hours and it's done. Hopefully you are watching some great man-hating movie, like Legally Blonde, or Aliens! We are thinking of you and post if you need to talk, OK? Hope Link to comment
gradle Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 hi all, thanks for listening...so i guess j's bday is officaly over and i didn't call... woohoo! i went to my friends to watch the pistons be defeated but my friend's place is really close to j's...so i drove by when i was done...and he wasn't there... so i'm sad.. i wonder where he is. i wonder if he's going to ditch me on satudray... i wonder if he really cares... i think about asking his friend that's visitng if he thinks j is happier without me... if he does maybe i'll just leave his life forever... i'm just really down right now and i wonder what he's doing Link to comment
gradle Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 so he just changed his away message...so i know he's at home...i feel better adn i think i can sleep some now. thanks for helping me get through this everyone ps...yes i know i had a slightly crazy day...sorry, but at least i didn't call! Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 It's ok that you had a crazy day, but the important thing is that you didn't call. You showed great self-restraint. Keep it up! Link to comment
DyingInsideOut Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Good Morning Gradle! I'm so proud of you for not calling. I'm sure it was a very tough day, but you did the right thing. Hopefully today will be much better. We're pulling for you. Link to comment
gradle Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 OK all, today is a new day and it's beautiful out…and I'm kind of happy I didn't call, but I feel kind of bad too…I mean it was his bday and all…but I had fun, and I might have plans tonight w/ a really cute guy, which is kind of exciting… I love him a lot…I know you guys know that..but I also think that he gave up on a really good thing…I'm pretty cool, and I'm smart and cute and fun and funny. And he knows all that stuff..and the feelings were there, at least on my part and I'm pretty sure on his too, but he just felt like he couldn't handle it now…he says he's not looking for anyone else right now, for anything…I wonder if that's a lie, if he does want to date other people...… We were great together physically, and we looked amazing together…everyone thought we were so perfect…I did too. I haven't talked to him since Monday…no phone calls or nothing… I wonder if he still wants me to go to the concert with him…I wonder if I should make my own plans to go without him if I still can…but then if he does want to go then I'm kind screwed, you know? I think I'll wait till Saturday and see what happens…I hope he doesn't want to bring his friend along, that would be even more awkward…. I'm starting to feel like my old self again…I woke up this morning feeling like I've looked better than I have in a long time..i must have slept well last night. Good… Sorry I'm just rambling, had to get it out… Link to comment
DyingInsideOut Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Hi Gradle!! Just checking in on you. Your last post sounds very positive and I'm glad that you are feeling good today. How are you doing now??? You okay?? Just wanted to check in with you. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Hey Gradle, Yeah I am proud of you too! You sound like you are feeling great! So who's the cute guy, and what are you going to do? Is the concert on this Saturday? J bought the tickets. not you, right? Yeah, I would not call him, but wait until he calls you about the concert...you should only be going if he reaffirms that he wants to go with you, and invites you officially. I hope that he does, but you should not push that, since he did mention his friend coming into town as well. You did say that you were preparing for the worst, I hope that's still true.... Hopefully he will though. How are you feeling now? It's a beautiful day in Boston! Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 speak of the devil... I just lost my camera in school. The dirty culprit who stole it has no shame...... I am rubbing that good luck hoping it will pass from gradle to me Link to comment
gradle Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 hi all! hi fantasia, i hope you find your camera! so i'm doing ok...i just talked to one of my friends and she said i should have called j on his bday.... that if he doesn't call tonight aboutthe concert i should give him a call in the morning adn see what the plans are... so, i'm a little worried that i messed up pretty big... but, on a happier note, my dc job called me today and is trying to make arrangements for me to move there in the next month or month and a half i'll be there. so that's really new and exciting. but i'm still sad that i'm moving so far from j, that freaks me out a little bit but i'm goign to stay strong tonight.. the cute guy i'm going to hang out with is just a friend...but i guess he told one of my roommates years ago that he thought i was really hot it's just fun to have someone to flirt with, you know? helps me take my mind off of things...and he's just a sweetheart and is funny...he makes me laugh Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 so i'm doing ok...i just talked to one of my friends and she said i should have called j on his bday.... that if he doesn't call tonight aboutthe concert i should give him a call in the morning adn see what the plans are... so, i'm a little worried that i messed up pretty big.. I definitely think you did the right thing not bothering J on his bday, Gradle. Remember, you are the ex girlfriend, and you already brought him a gift and wished him a happy birthday. He asked you 3 times last week for space, and you gave it to him. If he wanted to talk to you on his bday he would have called you. You respected his wishes, and that was the right thing to do. As far as the concert goes, I don't think you should call him about that either. Space, Gradle, space. He talked to you about that this week. If he wants to bring you to the concert, let him call you and tell you that, don't pressure him into making that choice by calling him. You already let him know this week that you would like to go with him, he knows this. Now let him decide if he wants to take you. My bf told me when we were split that he didn't like me always jumping and trying to initiate things and get him to see me. He said part of it was the "thrill of the chase...." him coming to get me when he wanted to see me. Why not respect J's repeated requests? See if he decides for himself he wants to see you and doesn't feel pressured into it by you. Remember, not once since the breakup has he asked to see you. Give him a chance. Wouldn't that feel so good if he called you and invited you because he wanted to? If he wants to take you to the concert he will call you and invite you. If he doesn't call, it's because he wants to go with the friend or someone else, and you should respect that, and not smother him or guilt him into going with you. He wanted you each to do your own things, and he wanted time and space from you. Don't you think? Link to comment
gradle Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 he did try to see me once, and i flipped out... ok, i'll try not to call him, but if he doesn't want me to go, i think i shoudl still go to the concert. they're my favorite group as well and i think it would be more than rude of him not at least tell me that he's going to take someone else when he knows we had planned to go together...it would leave me with quite a last minute problem...its' not easy to find someone at the last minute to take an hour and half drive and pay $40 to see a show, when tehy might not really like the band, you know? and j didn't even know about the concert till i brought it up, i feel like it's my territory....is that dumb? Link to comment
Mun Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 That's fine gradle, but he is no longer your territory( sorry hun) Best to let him call you about tonight. If you already made those plans then trust that he will call like he said he would. If not, then make other plans. It's really a bad idea to call him. Let him come your way, don't do everything for him girl. That's a surefire way to turn him off. One of the reasons you broke up is probably because of control. Along with you smothering him, you were also trying to control the relationship. You must step back and give up that control. Relax girl. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 he did try to see me once, and i flipped out... ok, i'll try not to call him, but if he doesn't want me to go, i think i shoudl still go to the concert. they're my favorite group as well and i think it would be more than rude of him not at least tell me that he's going to take someone else when he knows we had planned to go together...it would leave me with quite a last minute problem...its' not easy to find someone at the last minute to take an hour and half drive and pay $40 to see a show, when tehy might not really like the band, you know? and j didn't even know about the concert till i brought it up, i feel like it's my territory....is that dumb? It's not a good idea for you to assume that now he is obligated to take you. Your relationship right now is a tenious friendship at best. If you call him you are pushing him to make the choice to go with you out of guilt, not fair to him. (or you!) it should be his choice to take you, not because you called him and put him on the spot about it. This is one of the situations where if it is too hard for you to get tickets now, and he does not call and invite you than maybe this is a concert that you will have to skip. Personally, it's Friday night, the concert is tomorrow, if he hasn't called you all week, it's probably a safe guess he doesn't intend to bring you. If you are that intent on going, then if I were you, and if you still can, I would buy your own ticket, and go ahead on your own. If J loses out the 40$ because he didn't tell you in time it isn't your problem, but honestly, it doesn't sound like he intends to bring you as he hasn't called at all this week. Who knows? He might not have been able to get tickets, or just forgot. Link to comment
gradle Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 oh no, i know he's not my territory anymore, i mean the concert is, like he can't expect me to just not go cause he didn't call me, i wasn't very controlling in teh relationship, i usually let him decide on things, i guess about a few specific things i would be, but as to day to day things, i usually let him set hte pace, the big things that i would control woudl be like holiday plans, sometimes going out to eat, etc... but not like what to do on the weekends..but i'm going to do my best to let him call me about tomorrow... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Listen to Hope and Muneca. Don't call him. He has your number, if he wants to go with you, he'll call, and if he doesn't, oh well. Don't you have acquaintances with whom you say, "Oh - let's do lunch someday..." but you don't really mean it. Yeah.... it just may have been something he said in passing, but didn't really mean it...... *sigh* Men like the thrill of the chase. They get a kick out of it. Think about it - isn't it so much more satisfying when they ask you out and say that they want to see you, instead of calling a guy and having him say, "uhhh... ok.... I guess I don't have other plans....." Have fun with the cute new guy, ok? Link to comment
gradle Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 ok, so he just called about the concert...i feel a little silly for worrying... it went ok. i was a little disappointed that we didn't talk longer or catch up or anything and he didn't ask me what i was doing tonight...but, whatever, i guess beggars can't be choosers... and when he said he had to go i let him go, fast and painless... but i'm still hurt, and i'm still sad....and i wish he cared...and i miss the #$%# Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Also, please don't listen to your friend about how "you should have called J on his birthday." Nu-uh... Nope. As the ex-girlfriend, you already did way more than necessary (and I would say, appropriate) by getting him a gift and stopping by to give him a card. For an ex, one card, or one phone call, or one e-mail is appropriate, and that is it. Any more than that, and you'd just be confirming J's sentiments that you are smothering him... Smothering.... I've had an ex from high school call me that before. It was the fact that I called him everyday that really bugged him. We had very few "dates" because he was always "too busy" (what a load of crap - high school kids are NOT that busy). Oh yeah, and he cheated on me with an "ugly girl. Anyways, I was madly in love with him, but he didn't share my feelings, so I eventually got sick of him, and did NC, and went off to college. 2.5 years later, out of the blue, he called me telling me how much he loved me, missed me, that I was the best, most caring gf ever, blah blah blah.... It was quite satisfying for me to tell him, "I moved on years ago... so should you!" Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 ok, so he just called about the concert...i feel a little silly for worrying... it went ok. i was a little disappointed that we didn't talk longer or catch up or anything and he didn't ask me what i was doing tonight...but, whatever, i guess beggars can't be choosers... and when he said he had to go i let him go, fast and painless... but i'm still hurt, and i'm still sad....and i wish he cared...and i miss the #$%# So are you two still going? Link to comment
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