She is a lesbian out 2 years, kids 2, should I stay married?

[justinid]

Hello all, thank you for your responses in advance.

 

Two and a half years ago my wife revealed that she is gay, since that time she has been in two other relationships. I am not a part of them or any sexual relationship with her, but feel I should stay married for stability for the kids (3 and 9)

 

I recently started dating, my wife quickly informed me that I better not have sex, although she has with each of her two girl friends, we even had her first girlfriend as a roomate for 8 months, they were in one room and I was in another, prior to that they were in an apartment together for six months.

 

My real question is about the kids, my present love interest is sick of the drama, but I feel that I need to do what is best for my kids. Everything I read talks about how it is better to have both parents in the same household. My wife and I are great friends, always have been, but am I showing the kids "how to" or "how not to" have a healthly relationship.

 

Please help, I feel like I need to make a final decision soon, one way or the other, and just have to be happy with my decision and get on with living, the decision, to me, feels like I am having to chose between my own happiness and my children's happpiness.

[kenneth05]

time to leave. you should be able to get the kids. good luck!!

[RayKay]

Seeing both your parents with other people and staying together for the sake of the children is NOT the best for the children.

 

What your children are seeing now, is what they will learn and carry forth into their own relationships in the future. What is happening now is you are BOTH cheating on the marriage, and showing them marriage is not an equal commitment, or for those in love with one another.

 

It is NOT always better to stay together for the kids, it is ONLY better to have both parents if they have a healthy marriage - this IS NOT a healthy marriage. As a child of divorce, I can tell you that I grew up much better knowing both my parents were happy APART from one another to find healthier relationships. I grew up with my mom and stepfather and fared far better than if my parents had stayed together for sake of the children.

 

It is time to leave this marriage, and give your children an opportunity to learn what relationships/marriage should really be about. If that means having you with a new woman, and their mother with a woman in separate households, but both being happy, THAT is more important then seeing two unhappy parents sneaking around on side (and even having one parent in separate room with other person ) and giving them that view on relationships. I guarantee as it is now, your children will NOT be happy or grow up happy with a healthy view.

 

And the fact she forbids you from sleeping with someone else, yet she does and even LIVED in your house in a room with someone else, is just well, she is walking all over you. It is not for kids, she is using you plain and simple.

[Ms Omaniac]

well...to be frank...if i was your gf...id dump you. not because you have kids or your ex is a lesbian. but that is just waaaaaaaaaay too much drama. i know you want to do what's right for the kids, but getting a divorce ISNT always a bad thing for the kids. they should see their parents be in a healthy relationship...whether it is with each other or with others. but you and your wife are setting the blue print for your kids that once you get married...you need to stay married even if you are unhappy and your spouse starts sleeping with other people. THAT is not healthy nor a good role model.

 

when i was a child...my parents divorced. i was realllllllllllllly sad but im glad they did. they are now both happy with others.

 

if i was your gf...id want you to get a divorce. and most females wouldnt want to be with a man that is still married and refuses to get divorced. do you also not have sexual relations with your gf because your wife said so? if that is the case...then you reallllly need to snap out of that because it's not fair that she can have sex and you cant. youre being pushed and pulled around by everyone there and not standing up and taking charge of your life. you really need to.

[RandomAdvisor]

I agree with RayKay. It's best for parents to stay together if the marrige is healthy. If the marrige isn't healthy however and cannot be fixed, this is going to harm the children in the long run. A lot of parents decide to "stay together for the sake of the kids" and stick to it no matter what. No matter the fights, the argument, and the lack of love. This is always a complete disaster for the children, no matter what age they are. They can sense when their parents don't get along.

 

Your situation is hardly typical because you and your wife still get along and are on friendly terms, but your situation isn't normal either. You are giving your kids a very bad example of what marrige should be like from an early age. In my opinion, there is no question you should divorce your wife.

 

As far as your wife saying you can't have sex with your GF...what a hypocrit! She's having sex with her GF, but doesn't want you to have sex with yours? She's being extremely selfish. Time to move on.

[DN]

Did she give a reason as to why she does not want you to have sex with anybody else?

[justinid]

dn wrote

"Did she give a reason as to why she does not want you to have sex with anybody else?"

 

She does not feel I should because, she thinks that she can go without it now.

 

Also, my dating would not have been an issue, save of course, I am with someone that was getting serious and at that time, and she was not, she still maintains that her and her exes are just friends now, but do I trust her no. I believe that she feels because lesbians can not be married, at least her in CA, that what she is doing, does nothing to upset the bound of mattrimony, but me having sex with another woman would....I know what the F@#k, this has be a couple of roller coaster ride years.

 

She said that it is different for her, she claims that she if she could take a pill to make her lesbian feeling go away she would, she also states that she does not think she could be comfortable having sex with me.

[DN]

Defires reason and logic!! and unbelievably selfish. IMO you should see a lawyer in order to understand your rights regarding the likely outcome of seeking primary custody and whether you would have to pay alimony etc. Then decide what your best options are.

[Jetta]

You do have to move out. You can do shared custody, which would work considering you both get along fairly well. I plan to do that with my soon to be ex. He'll take our daughter 1-2x a week and then alternate weekends. Not every family sees dad daily. This would also add to the hope that mom and dad will one day work it out and really be together again. My husband and I also get along well as roommates so I understand how tempting it can be to the roommate thing, but it's really not healthy for the kids to see their married parents dating.

[Someone6019a]

I have seen other children in this situation and no this is not what they need. What they need is to see two people love each other, two people fight each other and make up, they need to see to people go out to dinner and the movies and two loving people go to the supermarket. Your pseudo-ex is manipulating your fear of divorce and your love for your children and all for reason that are exclusively personal to her-IN OTHER WORDS SHE IS BEING OUTRAGIOUSLY SELFISH! Moving out for six months and then coming back is not good parenting. Having live in girl friends while she is going through the "finding herself" phase, though not as bad as the other, is little improvement. Your children need consistancy, as much as, even more than, they need two parents; especially when they are both this confused. And just is case this hasn't come up: Remember you can still love your kids and they can still love their mother, and you can still be flaming mad at her.