Socially awkward

[Chocolava]

I am an introvert from childhood and like keeping to myself most of the time. However, I do like to share things, ideas, explore and provide a helping hand. I have never been able to maintain friendships unless I am a source of help for someone. People consider me boring just because I dont have much stories to share. I dont like to gossip but take interest in concepts, and exploring new things. I attract guys easily, that too end up them having ulterior motives. However, girls just shirk away and sometimes make fun of the way I am. I am not good at conversations since I lack practice because of my non gossip behavior and not being social. I also dont want to try hard just to fit in and make friends for short time. The recent experience involves really off but expected sneaky comments where I went on dinner with my boyfriend, his friend and his girlfriend. The girl is geek, kept quite all the time, unless she had to say something to her boyfriend that too silently. I heard her saying about me that I am slow in understanding and reacting. The boy seemed keen most of the time, until she started taking him away in between and getting angry because we were talking in our mother tongue. Thereafter, I overheard boy silently saying her that I am stupid. From there on, both started giggling at me and taking me as a joke. On the top of that, my boyfriend sees everything but stays quite as if nothing happened. He still maintains friendship with that guy and hangs around.

 I am always wondering why is it that I never get respect from girls or befriend them and attract kind of guys who have romantic interests? Why?

[LaHermes]

Choc. That's some set of friends, including boyfriend, that you've got there?  Surely you can do better than this immature lot!?

Why do you put up with such unpleasant treatment?

How do you know "people" consider you boring?

Why put on that label "introvert". Kind of buzz word at the moment.  Socially awkward is a different matter.  Or trying to be a people pleaser. (Look up "The Disease to Please").

Put more value on yourself, work on your self-worth, keep away from those on the make and on the take. 

And ditch that "boyfriend" as in NOW.  He's no friend. 

 

 

 

 

[Andrina]

 have never been able to maintain friendships unless I am a source of help for someone. People consider me boring just because I dont have much stories to share.

I guess it's important to realize if you're being used and put an end to the relationship right away. There are other things to talk about besides gossiping. You could ask where someone grew up and what it was like where they lived. You could tell them about yourself and what you liked to do back then for fun, and what your interests are now. Do you have any hobbies? If not, it's a good way to make friends with others who share a passion/interest. It's something you'd both enjoy speaking about.

If you don't contribute to a conversation, a person considers that as not investing. I feel closer to people who share info about their lives with me. What books they read. What shows they watch. Stories about their pets. It doesn't have to be soul-baring stuff. It's about a connection, being interested in each other's lives, and you can always have questions handy about safe topics.

Lots of rudeness went on during the dinner. Speaking in the mother-tongue when she couldn't understand, and her and her bf speaking rudely of you. So why are you with a guy who didn't put them in their place in speaking poorly of you?

Read some books on communication skills and raising your self-esteem, because there is always room for improvement in both. Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Chocolava said:

 getting angry because we were talking in our mother tongue. Thereafter, I overheard boy silently saying her that I am stupid.

 He still maintains friendship with that guy and hangs around.

Ok, this is just one couple who were rude

Your BF can have whatever friends he wants, but you don't have to like them or their GFs.

Next time you're out with people, make sure the conversation remains in the language everyone understands.

It's rude in multilingual settings to have side chitchat that excludes people.

As far as your interests, make your own friends based on clubs, groups, sports, etc. that involve your interests .

Gossiping is not an "interest", just a bad habit. Don't engage in it.

You need to be less suspicious of other's motives. People are who they are and you don't have to like or be liked by everyone.

Open your mind a bit and try to improve this "me vs. them" mindset.

 

[catfeeder]

Consider befriending older adults. They're past the petty schoolyard stuff and can mentor you into some confidence.

Read 'The Ugly Duckling' and embrace your inner swan. Then switch your focus away from the duckling pond and go swim in a lake with the mature birds.

[Jibralta]

3 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

'The Ugly Duckling'

I loved that story as a little kid :)

[catfeeder]

6 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I loved that story as a little kid 🙂

Me, too, and I still love to reflect on the message today. As kids, we grow up in forced socialization, but as adults we can question why we'd hold onto that habit.

No need to keep swimming in polluted waters. We can view our jobs or schooling as the institutions that they are, and we can be kind to those we encounter in those cultures--but we don't need to 'live' there. We can step outside of those environments to seek out people who demonstrate our own levels of kindness and generosity. 

[smackie9]

I agree with Wiseman about excluding the boy's GF speaking in a different language...that is so rude. I think the girl's comments were out of jealousy, and her BF redeeming himself to her to keep in her good graces. She sleeps with him so he's gonna side with her. I bet if she wasn't there it's would be a total different atmosphere. Just the way somethings work. Have you had a conversation with your BF about those comments? He can have a talk with them himself, which he should.

I get it, not everyone is going to like you, but it's no excuse to be rude.

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

I agree with Wiseman about excluding the boy's GF speaking in a different language...that is so rude.

I agree, as well. It's the same as whispering in front of people and not sharing the secret--even when there is no secret, it's a deliberate exclusion of others. Bad manners.