Getting very down about it.

[superjohn]

Hi guys.Have just joined forum and need a heck of a lot of support.I have suffered a large number of emotional breakdowns which usually end up with me in a corner unable to stop crying.am not violent.i am living in a supported flat environmentn in london england and have fallen hoplessly in love with my much younger keyworker called Emma.She is pretty, charming, very gentle and when she talks to me theres tons of eye contact infact her eyes mesmerise me.i have been in this accomadation since last october and we have got to know each other quite well but she knows i have emotional problems and i recntly blurted out to another meber of staff that i have fallen for her.this was said in confidence but of course it got back to the powers that be abd all hell broke loose. to be honest to date nothing has passed between us apart from us behaving like a pair of schhol kids ie too close mates bhaving a laugh together.I have recently learnt some magic tricks and when she took me for a coffee yesterday afternoon at a bar called the medicine bar when we first got there i could feel the tension beween us.(her legs crossed away from me etc etc. iw as hoping to remain aloof and keep the subject off myself but as usual she started probing a bit and i had to answer her.) However when is asked her if i could show her some magic tricks her whole attitude changed and she relaxed and turned her body towrds me and took a great interest in the card tricks i showed her.She was laughing and playing around and for one of the tricks(Where i make a coin dissappear she even let me hold her hand for a short while,this has never happened,but it was to put some coins in her hand and then quickly shut it tight.Normerly she avoids body contact.Because of the system here we are only allowed about an hour of ech others time.She was laughing and joking about the tricks and insisted that i showed her how to do them .one was an automatic number one and she tried it on her own which she did successfully.Emma is a qualified psychiatric nurse and i just love it being around her.I have recently been turned down for a music course i wanted to go on and that really pissed me off but i have been trying to make it look as if it does not matter,ofcourse it does.Emma is 28 and I am wait for it 56...ouch but a dr once told me that if two people really care for each other then age should not matter.I am an Aquarian and Emma is a Libran and that is an ideal match.Quite often she confides in me.I am sorry to ramble on a lot but it does seem so complicated.I have a nasty feeling you will advise me to move on but I am here for the next eighteen months at leaset and i think Emma enjoys working her so I doubt if shell move on for quite a while.Help! Any support you can give me would be most apprecited.I think she would really like to settle down more than anything.So would I!

Hope the rest of you are ok even though I have not met you.John x

[blueangel]

OMG- hasnt anybody ever taught you how to write paragraphs? Seriously, when sh*t is all crammed together like that, nobody wants to read it. As a newbie like yourself, I shall let this go. But please organize your writing. It makes it so much more harder for everyone else if you try to take the easy way out.

 

As for the other stuff, I dont know because I couldnt bring myself to read all of that. I commend anyone else for their bravery

[honeyspur]

Well, I will try and offer my help because I have been in your situation - just on the other side of it.

I was almost involved with a man who was in his 40's when I was 25.

 

I wasn't particularly comfortable with the age gap, but was drawn to this guy because of commonalities, the way he talked and looked at me.

We spent a lot of time together and I knew he was interested, but obviously unsure because of the age thing.

 

We went on a lot of dates, held hands a lot, walked arm in arm. But things just never felt right. I really couldn't put my finger on it.....it was more than the age difference.

 

Time went on and I tried to get closer to this guy by having him over for dinner. He even met my mom!

I started to probe into him - his past - his house - but he remained elusive, like he was hiding something.

When I asked him a simple question - "When were you born?" - he refused to tell me. We had done this delicate dance of almost dating for nearly a year and I realized that his hiding, his vagueness and inability to truly let me in was what was holding me back.

 

I know there were things he was scared to say - afraid he would lose me - but he ended up losing me anyway.

 

What I'm saying is - you might need to tell her more about your feelings, emotional problems and how you feel towards her.

When people say honesty is the best policy, they say that not only because it's a true statement, but because it allows you to get close to others, which in turn allows possible relationships to flourish.

 

You strike me as very afraid to open up to others because of the vulnerability and it might push others away. But truthfully, as long as you don't depend on others for things, opening up draws people to you.

 

I suggest being forthright - telling her your emotional issues, asking her advice and telling her how much you enjoy her company. You might even say you have kind of a crush on her but you don't want her to feel uncomfortable just being your friend. That way you aren't hiding anything and you're taking any pressure off her.

I mean, you are ok with just being friends if thats what it comes down to, right? She seems like a good friend already.

 

If you are having a hard time finding love in general, she might have some tips for you.

I can't tell you if she cares for you in that way - from what you wrote, it doesn't seem that way, but I could be wrong.

I think you should really ask yourself questions as to why you are willing to give up on women your own age just because this young one is so kind to you.

Falling for the kindness and personality is possible with any age - remind yourself of that. And that you have to reach out for it hon - not wait for it to come to you.