Hi guys.Have just joined forum and need a heck of a lot of support.I have suffered a large number of emotional breakdowns which usually end up with me in a corner unable to stop crying.am not violent.i am living in a supported flat environmentn in london england and have fallen hoplessly in love with my much younger keyworker called Emma.She is pretty, charming, very gentle and when she talks to me theres tons of eye contact infact her eyes mesmerise me.i have been in this accomadation since last october and we have got to know each other quite well but she knows i have emotional problems and i recntly blurted out to another meber of staff that i have fallen for her.this was said in confidence but of course it got back to the powers that be abd all hell broke loose. to be honest to date nothing has passed between us apart from us behaving like a pair of schhol kids ie too close mates bhaving a laugh together.I have recently learnt some magic tricks and when she took me for a coffee yesterday afternoon at a bar called the medicine bar when we first got there i could feel the tension beween us.(her legs crossed away from me etc etc. iw as hoping to remain aloof and keep the subject off myself but as usual she started probing a bit and i had to answer her.) However when is asked her if i could show her some magic tricks her whole attitude changed and she relaxed and turned her body towrds me and took a great interest in the card tricks i showed her.She was laughing and playing around and for one of the tricks(Where i make a coin dissappear she even let me hold her hand for a short while,this has never happened,but it was to put some coins in her hand and then quickly shut it tight.Normerly she avoids body contact.Because of the system here we are only allowed about an hour of ech others time.She was laughing and joking about the tricks and insisted that i showed her how to do them .one was an automatic number one and she tried it on her own which she did successfully.Emma is a qualified psychiatric nurse and i just love it being around her.I have recently been turned down for a music course i wanted to go on and that really pissed me off but i have been trying to make it look as if it does not matter,ofcourse it does.Emma is 28 and I am wait for it 56...ouch but a dr once told me that if two people really care for each other then age should not matter.I am an Aquarian and Emma is a Libran and that is an ideal match.Quite often she confides in me.I am sorry to ramble on a lot but it does seem so complicated.I have a nasty feeling you will advise me to move on but I am here for the next eighteen months at leaset and i think Emma enjoys working her so I doubt if shell move on for quite a while.Help! Any support you can give me would be most apprecited.I think she would really like to settle down more than anything.So would I!
Hope the rest of you are ok even though I have not met you.John x
