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It's complicated


WonderingWiz

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Never posted on a forum type thing before but my head is all over the place and need some advice.

 

Dated my Ex for 2 years back in 2015, I was 18 and immure, it ended because of loads of small things, like I would refuse to go for a walk. Play too much football with mates. And I talked about going to university.

 

I then when to university are we spilt up, had a great time. Met a girl there been dating for nearly 2 years now.

 

However I'm back home and she's back home too living a 5 hour drive away.

She's doing a Master's degree and is going to uni again for a year.

 

We've talked about moving in together after university. I care for her, but it seems like we are friends and don't have that connection I had with my ex.

 

I keep thinking of all the things I had in common with my ex, early on I had loads in common with my girlfriend but she just said it to impress me. And it's hard now as I've started to see we just don't have things in common.

 

My ex has a boyfriend too, but it's hard for me to fully get over the connection we had. We're still friends on social media but don't chat or anything but I see her story and remember the times we had together.

 

Do all relationship have that feeling of being deeply in love? Because I care for my girlfriend I would never want anything to happen to her, but the feeling isn't the same as what I felt for my ex.

 

I just don't know what to do.

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Sorry to hear this. Don't feel pressured by the moving in talk. Also don't move in 'just because". The pining for the ex may simply represent freer happier times.

I then when to university are we spilt up, had a great time. Met a girl there been dating for nearly 2 years now.

 

However I'm back home and she's back home too living a 5 hour drive away. We've talked about moving in together after university.

 

I care for her, but it seems like we are friends and don't have that connection I had with my ex. My ex has a boyfriend too.

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You've got two girls in your life and neither of them are/were the right one for you.

 

Just because your current isn't the right one, doesn't mean the ex is. I know it's hard to not compare when you only have two to compare it to, but try to widen your focus and realize that in your future, you could meet someone who connects with you exactly how you want to and is your dream come true.

 

You're early on in dating, just because the two you've dated haven't worked out, doesn't mean your perfect match isn't still out there.

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By the way...your ex wasn't the one.

 

You should be with someone who is headed in the same direction as you (your ex wasn't and isn't). You should be with someone who enjoys time with you, but encourages you to have friends and to spend time with them. (Your ex got mad if you played football too much or were out with your mates).

 

You should also be with someone who prefers to do the same things as you and doesn't get mad over petty things like not wanting to go for a walk.

 

Misses right is still out there, but it's not your current and it's definitely not your ex.

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My take on this?

 

You're not in love with your girlfriend and you're bored. Looking at photos of an ex will always bring back memories especially if your memory bank is limited or you haven't had many relationships in the past to look back on or compare or think back on in retrospect. This is not to make you feel terrible. It's just a matter of a little math. Don't over do it with the social media and I agree with Shelly - out with the old, in with the new and if you're not ready to date at all that is fine also. It's better to be single than with the wrong person.

 

I don't think either of the two women are good choices. Focus on your studies and when you're ready to meet someone more on your wavelength it'll happen.

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