How Do I Ask My Guy-Friend Why He Kissed Me?

[elleinad]

I am a woman in my late 20s and 2 years ago, I had the sudden realisation that I had feelings for a guy friend I had known for about 3-years at the time. Before I realised this, he would sometimes flirt with me, but I wouldn't reciprocate because at the time, I saw him as just a friend and didn't want to lead him on. However, when I figured out I had feelings for him, I kept it quiet, because:

 

1. I figured that I had ruined any chance I had at that point

2. He was leaving the country to go to school and the plan was to study and then work there a few years after, so no point in pursuing anything then

 

We kept in touch on and off every few months. Then as luck would have it, I reached out to him late last year and he told me that he was coming back home. We agreed to meet up and 2 weeks after he got back we met up for drinks and I disclosed to him that I was planning on moving to another country soon. Now normally when we would meet up, I would get the sense that neither of us wanted to leave and that night was no different. This time however, we both decided that we didn't want to stop hanging out even though the spot was closing, so we decided to go back to his house. At his house, we talked for awhile and then we ended up making out. It felt like the most natural thing and it honestly felt like we were in love at that point . I eventually left his house and we met up again a few days later to watch a movie but nothing happened. After that we didn't really hang out again, but we're now working on 2 projects together which means that we have to spend a good amount of time together. We're both freelancers, so we essentially chose to work together rather than being "forced" together by a workplace.

 

It's been several months since then and we haven't spoken about that night and neither one of us has broached the topic. We still spend time alone, but it's always work related and we still get along just fine. We don't text each other, neither do we ever call each other "just to talk". I still have a massively huge crush on him though, and I've gone back and forth in my head wondering if he likes me or not. I've decided that I won't tell him outright that I like him but instead, I've decided to just talk to him about it and ask him if he's thought about that night and what was going through his mind. I need advice on the best way to raise the topic and whether or not I should specifically invite him to have coffee this weekend and talk to him about it, or should I wait until we meet up for work in about 3 weeks? Also I know that there is no way to know exactly what is going through his mind, but any possible insight on the situation would be helpful as well. I feel like I'm bursting at the seams and I don't want to be married with children in 20 years and wondering if we could have been together? I'm not the best at flirting and showing my emotions, but one side of me thinks that if he liked me, he would have said something.

 

Thanks for any advice you have!