How do I move on from a horrific first love?

[vp613]

Please talk to your parents again. They seriously said "Um, OK, we'll get back to you" when you told them how you are feeling?

 

You must tell them you feel you are seriously depressed, anxious and suicidal. This new obsession over getting arrested is just another part of the same problem.

 

If you live with them, please go to them now and tell them how serious this issue is.

 

It’s not that they don’t care. They’re trying to see if insurance will cover some and what therapists are available. Is it bad that I’m scared of being arrested? Should I not be so scared? I don’t think I’m really suicidal. I just feel like pausing life when I get rejected by him. Which is normal I feel like... I don’t know why I didn’t realize the severity of my harassment until now. Shouldn’t I be scared of being charged or having a restraining order against me?

[Seraphim]

I am in the US. I have done a fair bit of research on the topic and what I’ve done to him could definitely be charged with harassment. But websites said it was also unlikely that the police/law would follow through with criminal charges because I don’t have any prior offenses, because it was due to a bad breakup, I didn’t show up in person and because I didn’t make violent threats. I know it’s still harassment/stalking though. Of course I will stop now but I am very scared that he will charge me with what I have done so far. He isn’t really that sort of person and it doesn’t seem like he has told anyone about me harassing him but he may?? I’m really scared. Even if he never charges me, I don’t know how I will ever move on. How could I do this to him?? Am I even allowed to forgive myself for being so horrible and crazy?

 

If you are in the US then counsellors most certainly are available and you can be referred to one by your doctor.

[vp613]

If you are in the US then counsellors most certainly are available and you can be referred to one by your doctor.

 

Yes but not really in my area. I have researched and looked it up. To be honest I have talked to my mom about it but I never really pressed the severity because she said it was really hard to find one for minors. I have friends who do go to therapy but they say it costs $300 per hour. Do you not think I should be scared of being arrested or charged? Do you think I should forgive myself and move on?

[Seraphim]

Yes but not really in my area. I have researched and looked it up. To be honest I have talked to my mom about it but I never really pressed the severity because she said it was really hard to find one for minors. I have friends who do go to therapy but they say it costs $300 per hour. Do you not think I should be scared of being arrested or charged? Do you think I should forgive myself and move on?

Forgive yourself and move on and learn from mistakes.

[vp613]

Forgive yourself and move on and learn from mistakes.

What do I do if I am charged or arrested :( this feels like such a large thing to forgive myself for. I just feel really ashamed.

[Seraphim]

What do I do if I am charged or arrested :( this feels like such a large thing to forgive myself for. I just feel really ashamed.

 

Most likely you won’t be. Talk with your parents, tell them the entire story.

[boltnrun]

I can't say for sure you will not be arrested. But I would think it's more likely you and your parents would be called in, talked to and warned. Then most likely the court would instruct your parents to get you into counseling. And that's IF your ex decides to go to the police.

 

Stop worrying about that and focus more on convincing your parents to help you.

[vp613]

Most likely you won’t be. Talk with your parents, tell them the entire story.

 

Okay. Thank you. I will explain how pressing the issue is tomorrow and really get help. Thank you so much. I really don’t want to be arrested. I hope he doesn’t do that. Do you think I would deserve it?

[vp613]

I can't say for sure you will not be arrested. But I would think it's more likely you and your parents would be called in, talked to and warned. Then most likely the court would instruct your parents to get you into counseling. And that's IF your ex decides to go to the police.

 

Stop worrying about that and focus more on convincing your parents to help you.

 

I can’t not worry about it. It’s such a big deal and I can’t believe I never realized how bad it was. I feel like I deserve to be arrested and charged with harassment. Why am I so messed up?? I’ve never felt worse about my life. Am I really this obsessive and crazy...

[boltnrun]

I can’t not worry about it. It’s such a big deal and I can’t believe I never realized how bad it was. I feel like I deserve to be arrested and charged with harassment. Why am I so messed up?? I’ve never felt worse about my life. Am I really this obsessive and crazy...

 

Your obsession over getting arrested has replaced your obsession with getting him to talk to you. You seem to have strong obsessive, intrusive thought tendencies.

 

Please, please do stress to your parents how serious your issues are. I think if you get some help you will feel much, much better.

 

And you do NOT "deserve" to be severely punished, that is another intrusive thought. Google "intrusive thoughts".

[vp613]

Your obsession over getting arrested has replaced your obsession with getting him to talk to you. You seem to have strong obsessive, intrusive thought tendencies.

 

Please, please do stress to your parents how serious your issues are. I think if you get some help you will feel much, much better.

 

And you do NOT "deserve" to be severely punished, that is another intrusive thought. Google "intrusive thoughts".

 

Ah that sort of makes me feel bad but I guess my issues are really serious. I didn’t think I was this bad. Thank you for pointing out my obsessive tendencies and the intrusive thoughts. I will research them more. I’m sorry for being very immature and unstable. I understand better how severe my issues are. Do you think with therapy I will be okay? I guess now I’m getting obsessed with the idea that maybe I’m genuinely crazy or I’m insane. Sorry. I’m so scared of myself.

[boltnrun]

Ah that sort of makes me feel bad but I guess my issues are really serious. I didn’t think I was this bad. Thank you for pointing out my obsessive tendencies and the intrusive thoughts. I will research them more. I’m sorry for being very immature and unstable. I understand better how severe my issues are. Do you think with therapy I will be okay? I guess now I’m getting obsessed with the idea that maybe I’m genuinely crazy or I’m insane. Sorry. I’m so scared of myself.

 

Please print this paragraph out and show it to your parents.

 

Did you try to minimize your problems when you told them? Did you try to make it seem like it's not that big a deal? If so, it is imperative they see what you just wrote. They need to know how much you need help.

 

Yes, counseling can help. But your parents must know you need help.

[vp613]

Please print this paragraph out and show it to your parents.

 

Did you try to minimize your problems when you told them? Did you try to make it seem like it's not that big a deal? If so, it is imperative they see what you just wrote. They need to know how much you need help.

 

Yes, counseling can help. But your parents must know you need help.

 

Am I really that bad to you? Very hard to accept I need that much help. I feel really lost and sad. I definitely do have obsessive tendencies, I never knew there was a term for that. I’ve always been quick to think of the worst in a situation. I will press them more for therapy tomorrow. Thank you. What about that paragraph is important?

[Capricorn3]

Under review.