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Faded and rejected by long-distance love interest. Did I do anything wrong?


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IÂ’ve been living in my head thinking about what went wrong with this woman I fell for.


We first met back in mid-2018, connected briefly, then went back to our respective countries which are on opposite sides of the world. We stayed in touch and met once again at the end of the year when I travelled to her country.


During the second half of 2019, we got in touch again and started text almost every day and have occasional scheduled calls. While we still lived far away, I felt there was a connection between us and the conversations have always been… natural, raw and personal. As we grew closer, I picked up the courage to do things that I hoped would show how I felt, such as sending her a gift on her birthday, which she seemed to love. I’ve been honest about how I thought she was special and amazing - although I never said “I like you”.


Then, we met again in Christmas 2019 when I travelled to her place again. At this point, I started to really like her but was unsure of what would happen with the distance - and the fact that thereÂ’s no chance of us moving closer to each other in the next 2 years at least. We went out a few times and had the best time. I did what I thought would show how I felt - flowers, gifts with handwritten notes, picked up the tabs and planned the dates to her liking. By this point, it was clear that both of us really enjoyed each otherÂ’s company. She has always been receptive of my advances and said she had lovely time with me, asked me to visit often.


I was still hesitant to tell her outright I liked her, as I was still hoping there would come a day in which weÂ’ll live in the same city together, and IÂ’d stand a better chance then. Throughout our interaction, I've felt she's not the type who could do a long-distance. I was trying to make an arrangement in which I would live closer to her for a few months mid-year and wanted to use the momentum to tell her then.


Anyway, after returning home, we still texted. I did a couple more things to keep keep the “sparks”, e.g. sending flowers to her office, which she said she liked!


However, several weeks in, things turned different. After she came back from a trip to visit her parents, her schedules had turned busy with work and other commitments, and she started responding less. I didnÂ’t have any reason to believe that she didnÂ’t want to speak with me - everything was going well just before that. I didnÂ’t hear back for a couple of weeks, couldnÂ’t call her. Finally managed to hear back. She said sheÂ’d been hectic so wasnÂ’t able to text anymore. I was surprised so decided to tell her outright how I felt. She then said she just wanted to be friends and saw me as a friend/brother figure and that she doesn't want me to waste my effort/time. I was surprised because she never referred to me as a "friend".


I've been replaying this to figure out if there was anything I could have done to save the situation. Or is trying to build a relationship someone you barely know long-distance a lost cause from the beginning?


Tl;dr Faded by and turned down by a woman I went out a few times with, texted daily for months. Wondering if I did anything wrong!

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I don't think that you did anything wrong, but she recognized this is going nowhere.


Do you have an active social life?


I think you really need to question if seeing someone once a year and having a virtual relationship is enough? If so, why? Why aren't you seeking someone local that you can have a real relationship with?

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Honestly, I think she has met someone else, OP. Probably someone local.


I don't believe you did anything wrong, beyond investing in something that wasn't all that realistic to begin with. The logistics here just weren't in your favour and her interest in what is largely an online thing faded.

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I didn’t expect to fall for her too, but as we kept in touch, I realized I really really liked her...


I understand, but you have only met with her twice, and you communicate by text. This is not sustainable.


I think you really need to address why you were continuing something of this nature. Are you scared of having a real relationship, as this sounds like a waste of your time?

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