Is bad drunk/high behavior a fair judge of character?

[hide]

You're talking out both sides of your mouth, even if you don't realize it. You describe these people as "normal" and yet judge her for doing what you describe these "normal" people doing.

 

I think you're more upset that she has sex with someone you know, rather than her not abstaining from booze and marijuana. I don't doubt that the drunk and high display was a turn-off for you, but I am also not convinced that is what really bothers you about this incident. Instead, I believe it's that she turned you down but was all over your dropout, drug-dealing buddy.

 

I get that it sucks to feel rejected, especially in favour of someone who appears to have little going to for him, but I would caution you against making sweeping generalizations about all girls or assuming she is "evil", as you put it. It's an over-reaction and completely self-defeating.

er

You are right, I consider this to be normal because almost everyone does it. I live in a small town in Canada so weed is widely accessible and consumed. However I am not apart of this normal, because I dont align myself with this type of beheviour. I thought she was special, and not part of this normal. It was just very hard to understand that even if someone cares a ton about school and looks shy and innocent doesnt mean they cant be apart of this normal.

 

You are also right about what upset me, which was more the sex talking part. getting intoxicated to have fun is one thing, but announcing details about the last time you had sex with someone, while in a basement with lights on, no music and a bunch of people around says A LOT more in my opinion. This was the main thing that upset me, mainly because it was with the dropout guy, and showed her true colors.

[hide]

You are not involved in the right things if you tell yourself All people do drugs have casual sex and get drunk. It seems you are very conflicted or very rebellious. There are plenty of ways to steer clear of the people who do this. Why not develop the courage to get involved in your faith and do more with that? Why aren't you involved in more elevated activities with your church or after school etc?

 

Being young and trying to practice religion has not been easy. but I have no one but myself to blame for surrounding myself with people who dont have the same beliefs as me. I am invested in power lifting and am pretty independent which is why I am widely respected for my records at my school which is the only reason why I talk to most guys at my school.(including the ones that do drugs). However I know that after highschool I am never going to see any of these people again, because I havnt developed any close friends with similar interests and that's OK. The only reason I am around these type of people now is so I can enjoy my last few months at school, or else I wouldnt really be hanging out with anyone.

[MissCanuck]

erYou are right, I consider this to be normal because almost everyone does it. I live in a small town in Canada so weed is widely accessible and consumed. However I am not apart of this normal, because I dont align myself with this type of beheviour. I thought she was special, and not part of this normal. It was just very hard to understand that even if someone cares a ton about school and looks shy and innocent doesnt mean they cant be apart of this normal.

 

Ha, small world - I am also from a small town in Canada, though I have now lived abroad for several years. Weed was not legal when I was your age (nearing 40 now) but it was widely accessible and consumed anyway. I remember nearly everyone but me using it at parties, too. I wasn't particularly against it, but I could never tolerate the smell and just didn't have any interest.

 

This girl, like so many teens, is going to make some mis-steps. She is not always going to use the best judgement. You will likely do the same yourself at some point, in any number of ways. It hurts to feel like she passed you up for a guy like him, and I can imagine it stung to hear her mention their sex life in front of so many people. But keep in mind that people do grow and change. I did things at her age that make me cringe in horror now, and remind me how immature and reckless I could be at times. Most of us have those embarrassing memories hiding somewhere in the cobwebs of our memories, I guarantee you that.

 

So while it is understandable that you no longer wish to interact with her, don't assume that maturity and growth stops at 18 and you'll be without anyone to settle down with in the years to come. This is why 18-year-olds generally don't marry these days - they're not grown up enough to handle it. Most have their fun, make stupid mistakes and get the wild days out of their system first. So by the time you are ready to settle down and have children, it is unlikely the woman you choose will be in the throes of her party years. It is premature to assume that you won't be able to find someone to commit to or have children with. You have plenty of growing and maturing to do, too. Every high-school student does. Don't panic; you have plenty of time to find a woman whose values and goals more closely align with yours.

[catfeeder]

The good news is that she was already ignoring you, so it's no skin off your back to ignore her, too.

 

I'd avoid the knee-jerk reaction to brand all women with the same brush. Some people are jerks. You'll meet your fair share of those throughout your lifetime. You get to decide whether you'll adopt the resilience, maturity and coping skills to use good judgment in screening certain people out while reserving enough open-mindedness to allow others to earn your trust over time.

 

If you want to traumatize yourself over this, you can do that. It's not against the law, it's just not a decision that's going to serve you well in navigating your future.

 

Choose wisely.