Tips on taking a dating break, figuring out what you want

[dmveep]

 

I had a male friend tell me very simply "I know both of us have had our ups and downs with dating. I think it would be a great idea if we dated each other". Unfortunately in that case I did not feel the same way he did but I thought his approach was a good one. Not creepy, not pushy, just a nice simple statement.

 

I suggest you try the same with your friend

 

Do you really believe this is a good strategy to try and date an established friend without blowing up the friendship? I have the friend I mentioned, but there is also another woman in my friend group that I am super attracted to.

 

I feel so attracted to the second one she just makes me feel like a teenage boy. I can’t think straight or act myself, it’s so bizarre. I’m not as good of friends with her but we have a lot of mutual friends.

 

Again, I feel like these are two women I should really be trying to date. They are both amazing and the type of woman I want to be with but I find myself so concerned with the repercussions of suggesting we go on a date that I choke and never do it.

 

My biggest concern is they could reject me and stop being my friend and I would potentially lose the whole friend group in the matter. I’m afraid I’ll be embarrassed around my friends for getting rejected.

 

The biggest upside is I could potentially date someone who is already an amazing person and shares the same friends. I don’t know the more I think about I have two of the most amazing women sitting right under my nose and I feel paralyzed. I tried to think of the opposite situation and honestly, I would be very flattered even if I didn’t feel the same way. I don’t think I would judge them or mock them for it.

 

Argh!!! Is it possible to suggest being more than friends and not lose the friend? I just can’t find the words....

[dmveep]

Red flag, big RED FLAG! Why would you date anyone that you wouldn't see yourself being friends with??

 

This tells me that what attracts you to them is based on chemistry, and perhaps superficial qualities... attractiveness, shared interests, stuff like that.

 

Chemistry is important but there needs to be MORE... if you want something long term... because eventually, chemistry fades... and perhaps explains why, as your chemistry with them fades, so does your interest in them.

 

You may want to try this the other way around OP... seek a woman that you can see yourself being friends with, and then see if there is chemistry there.

 

As I described above, there are two amazing women that I am already friends with, should I go for it? Ask them kindly if they want to go on a date? I mean, we both know it will be fun at a minimum. It seems like the right move.

[dmveep]

They both were introverts and aren’t the type of people I would be friends with generally.

 

^This kind of jumps out doesn't it? You are dating your opposites and while opposites attract initially, precisely because they are different from us and therefore interesting at first, in the end opposites do not get along. The attraction is temporary and the actual relationship ends up being very difficult and fraught with conflict because you do not get each other intuitively.

 

Look for women that you would be friends with and that you are physically attracted to, of course. Look for women who are more similar to you - more outgoing, more social, more similar to yourself in terms of lifestyle, socializing habits, etc. Not saying find your mirror image, but you should date someone where friendship comes easy and day to day life is easy because you are just alike enough.

 

Any thoughts on trying to date someone I am already friends with that is attractive, compatible, etc?

[Batya33]

Any thoughts on trying to date someone I am already friends with that is attractive, compatible, etc?

 

Dancingfool likely will have great input- I've been there -don't "try" -ask her out on a date - whether she knows it's a date or not -but something one on one that is fun but definitely just the two of you- no heavy on romantic dinners for this -and just take it from there -if it goes well ask her what she thinks of the two of you dating. Keep it simple, no apologies, no huge back story. My future husband said it that way "so what do you think of us getting back together?" I stammered, I was overwhelmed for about thirty seconds, then I said simply "yes". I also expressed in one sentence or so that I was apprehensive because of our past - but it was one sentence and the rest is history. Simple and direct is best IMO.

[Gary Snyder]

Yeah, the problem with online dating is, there are lot's of undesirable people on dating sites.

 

I’m a health care provider, so I meet lots of people everyday but dating patients isn’t very ethical.

- how about after they are no longer a patient?

 

 

As an aside, I have a platonic friend who is pretty similar to the women I had long term relationships with except she is very social. When we first met, through a social sport league, I never thought we could be friends since she is so uptight. However, she has become a really great friend. She is also very attractive. I found myself wanting to make a move on her last night. I really value our friendship and don’t want to sacrifice that, but I’m curious about it. We both have had our share of struggles with dating. I can’t help but wonder at times if she’s the one I should be dating and she’s been right under my nose the whole time. I’m afraid to open that can of worms even though in many respects she could be an amazing partner.

 

- If you want to find out if she likes you romantically, you have to kiss her.

 

But more than likely she thinks of you as a friend and you are in the friend's zone. Besides, if she really liked you chances are she would have made a move herself by now.

 

I say keep her as a friend - you can only have one lover (supposed to), but you can't have too many friends!

 

And always remember, it's better to be single than to be in a relationship with a Debbie Downer!