thatdevilsblue Posted November 23, 2019 Author Share Posted November 23, 2019 She may have never considered you on her romantic radar at all because of your age. She may think of you more as a little brother. I mean, that's a possible. Its also possible she never had any indication of your interest and was blindsided as well. you mean blindsided when I told her my feelings? Link to comment
thatdevilsblue Posted November 26, 2019 Author Share Posted November 26, 2019 well she reached out to me today but i wasn't that talkative...basically all one or two word answers Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 well she reached out to me today but i wasn't that talkative...basically all one or two word answers What was her reason for the call. Don't be rude to her. Just because she is not interested (and was honest about it) does not mean you should be rude. Either don't answer, or when you do say "Its nice to hear from you. However, i think its best that we don't talk right now. i need some time to myself." and if she presses "because i have feelings and you do not, i need time to get over them before i can be a friend. so please respect my wishes". Or if she calls about some concert or something "sounds fun, why not ask so and so person" and turn down any meets. Link to comment
thatdevilsblue Posted November 27, 2019 Author Share Posted November 27, 2019 What was her reason for the call. Don't be rude to her. Just because she is not interested (and was honest about it) does not mean you should be rude. Either don't answer, or when you do say "Its nice to hear from you. However, i think its best that we don't talk right now. i need some time to myself." and if she presses "because i have feelings and you do not, i need time to get over them before i can be a friend. so please respect my wishes". Or if she calls about some concert or something "sounds fun, why not ask so and so person" and turn down any meets. she didn't call, she texted me...so i wasn't really being rude so much as i didn't have much to say like i usually would...she knows i'm hurt and she feels terrible...it was her seeing how i was...i didn't really care to ask her how she was doing because i kinda figured she was doing just fine and i didn't want to know any details about this guy or whats going on, nor did she just flat out tell me either...wasn't necessarily trying to be rude, its not like i told her to f*** off, i'm glad she at least was concerned enough to see how i was, i just didn't exhibit the excitement and readiness i usually do when we talk right now! Link to comment
thatdevilsblue Posted November 30, 2019 Author Share Posted November 30, 2019 Actions speak louder than words. Kiss her. Two things will happen. Either she will love it or slap you. Woman don’t hit hard unless they are butch. So nothing to be afraid of. Nothing you will say to the girl at this point will make her want to sleep with you so dont be a sap and get up there and party with the mouth. If she likes it guess what.. she will likely dump the other guy unless she’s a hooker. And don’t EVER reveal your feelings for a woman. They are manipulative as hell and they will try to destroy you. They KNOW you are attracted before you know. not sure just showing up announced two hours north from me to lay an unexpected kiss on her will help anything, unless this were a movie, which it isn't..... Link to comment
thatdevilsblue Posted November 30, 2019 Author Share Posted November 30, 2019 Seems rather negative.Im starting to understand who the problem is now. Good luck! not trying to be negative, I just think that seems like a fairly unrealistic solution, and kind of unfair to suggest i'm the problem for thinking so! Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 1, 2019 Share Posted December 1, 2019 I'm a woman and would strongly discourage you from showing up and kissing her. You seem to already know this is a bad idea, though. I have been in the position of not reciprocating feelings for a close male friend. He was lovely and we got on very well, had a lot in common. However, I didn't have any romantic interest in him. We had also had a conversation in which he told me how he felt about me, and I was honest that I didn't see him that way. A respectful talk, but I knew things would change between us after that and we couldn't continue to be as close as we'd been. Him showing up unexpectedly to kiss me would have upset me, not endeared me to him. It's a gross assumption that uninvited physical contact would somehow change the dynamic. You're doing the right thing by not heeding that misguided advice. ` Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 1, 2019 Share Posted December 1, 2019 Agree. Sorry this is happening. Ignore troll posts.not sure just showing up announced two hours north from me to lay an unexpected kiss on her will help anything, unless this were a movie, which it isn't..... Link to comment
thatdevilsblue Posted December 2, 2019 Author Share Posted December 2, 2019 I'm a woman and would strongly discourage you from showing up and kissing her. You seem to already know this is a bad idea, though. I have been in the position of not reciprocating feelings for a close male friend. He was lovely and we got on very well, had a lot in common. However, I didn't have any romantic interest in him. We had also had a conversation in which he told me how he felt about me, and I was honest that I didn't see him that way. A respectful talk, but I knew things would change between us after that and we couldn't continue to be as close as we'd been. Him showing up unexpectedly to kiss me would have upset me, not endeared me to him. It's a gross assumption that uninvited physical contact would somehow change the dynamic. You're doing the right thing by not heeding that misguided advice. ` Thank you! Also, though me telling her my feelings (and I told her in early October, way before this guy came into the picture) didn’t scare her away or ruin our friendship, she never told me how she feels either... Link to comment
thatdevilsblue Posted December 2, 2019 Author Share Posted December 2, 2019 I'm a woman and would strongly discourage you from showing up and kissing her. You seem to already know this is a bad idea, though. I have been in the position of not reciprocating feelings for a close male friend. He was lovely and we got on very well, had a lot in common. However, I didn't have any romantic interest in him. We had also had a conversation in which he told me how he felt about me, and I was honest that I didn't see him that way. A respectful talk, but I knew things would change between us after that and we couldn't continue to be as close as we'd been. Him showing up unexpectedly to kiss me would have upset me, not endeared me to him. It's a gross assumption that uninvited physical contact would somehow change the dynamic. You're doing the right thing by not heeding that misguided advice. ` and luckily, things weren't different or weird between us after I told her my feelings... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 That's good. Do you feel ok staying friends now that she may be seeing guys where she is now?and luckily, things weren't different or weird between us after I told her my feelings... Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 and luckily, things weren't different or weird between us after I told her my feelings... No, but they will change now that is dating someone else. You two could probably be friends again someday, but I would give yourself time and space to move past your feelings for her first. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 she didn't call, she texted me...so i wasn't really being rude so much as i didn't have much to say like i usually would...she knows i'm hurt and she feels terrible...it was her seeing how i was...i didn't really care to ask her how she was doing because i kinda figured she was doing just fine and i didn't want to know any details about this guy or whats going on, nor did she just flat out tell me either...wasn't necessarily trying to be rude, its not like i told her to f*** off, i'm glad she at least was concerned enough to see how i was, i just didn't exhibit the excitement and readiness i usually do when we talk right now! Short answers in textng could be interpreted that the other person is busy. It doesn't really convey anything different to the other person - ie, you were not 'as excited as usual." Honestly, after this, i would not return her texts unless its necessary, i would not initiate texts and i would tell her to give you some space if she keeps texting you. Link to comment
thatdevilsblue Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 I’ve since told her, again, I’m just glad that she’s happy... Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 4, 2019 Share Posted December 4, 2019 I’ve since told her, again, I’m just glad that she’s happy... It's a nice sentiment, but what did you hope her reaction would be? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 4, 2019 Share Posted December 4, 2019 I’ve since told her, again, I’m just glad that she’s happy... But you REALLY are not. You want to be with her. If you were being honest, you would cut the meaningless chat for awhile with her - the regular checkins, etc, and be real with her that you are taking a step back Link to comment
thatdevilsblue Posted December 6, 2019 Author Share Posted December 6, 2019 It's a nice sentiment, but what did you hope her reaction would be? it is what it is, as always she thinks i'm very sweet when i tell her that...i don't expect much anymore...not a whole lot i could do about this situation anymore except leave it be Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 6, 2019 Share Posted December 6, 2019 it is what it is, as always she thinks i'm very sweet when i tell her that...i don't expect much anymore...not a whole lot i could do about this situation anymore except leave it be And there's the answer to my question: you're still trying to win her favour. It's time to take a lot space from her, OP. You don't want a front-row seat to her love life, which you're not part of. It will hurt you too much. Link to comment
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