Should I forgive him?

[lavender]

I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 6 years and both of us have decided to get engage once he finishes his studies next year. Early last year, my mom introduced me to a guy and I did a stupid mistake by breaking up with my boyfriend. I knew all along that she was not really keen on me dating him. I loved my mom a lot since she has sacrifices a lot for me and the last thing I wanted to do was to get married to someone whom she doesn't approve of. My boyfriend was really upset and my mom was shocked with my decision. Later on, I found out that the only reason my mom introduced me to the guy was only so that I'll be able to get to know other guys before tying the knot and she had no intention what so ever to ruin my relationship with my current boyfriend.

 

A month after we broke up, me and my boyfriend got back together. Months after that, he started to change a lot and he didn't seemed to care much about me like he used to. Although he kept on saying that he loved me a lot and I was thinking nonsense by saying that he's changed and all, I knew deep down that something was wrong. I became restless & obsessed, always checking him out just to ensure that he was not doing anything fishy behind my back and that has made him furious.2 months ago, my boyfriend confesses that he had slept with a girl last July and also made out with another girl last December. The reason was because he was so mad at me and couldn't get over the fact that I broke up with him because of my mother. He told me I had no stand for myself and our relationship and I have changed a lot and was not the same girl he knew 6 years ago. I was furious and hurt. He said he was truly sorry & he'll never do it again so I decided to give him another chance since I love him too damn much and I believe it was my fault that had made him acted that way. For a month I tried real hard to change my behavior by being the'old me'. A few days later as I was browsing his email, I found an email to a girl, saying that he wanted to get to know her. I was so mad that I drove all the way to his house and ended the relationship right away and this happened 1 1/2 months ago.

 

Ever since, he had been apologizing like hell and told me that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and he can't live without me by his side. Said he's really stupid for cheating on me and he has learnt his lesson and felt real messed up after the break up.He said he'll do all that it takes just so I forgive him and to earn back my trust. He said this time he's really, really sorry and regretted everything that he's done.The email meant nothing, the girls meant nothing, they were just means to get back to me after what I've done.I've know him for so long and I knew deep down that he's truly sincere. Till now, I still love him so damn much. My heart is telling me to get back together but my mind is telling me the opposite. I love him too damn much. Plz help I'm going crazy without him!!

[sonjam]

Lavender, you obviously want to be with this guy, but you don't know if you can trust him. Best way to find out is to give the guy a chance. Im a cheater hater, make no mistake, but sometimes they really do mean it, and they change. Especially when they were not always that way. Before you venture back into your relationship, make sure you are able to forgive him, and you guys should really get the communication channels open!

[BellaDonna]

It looks like you both lost each other's trust and have been tempted to stray, but that there is still plenty of love remaining.

 

Is it possible for the 2 of you to talk to a relationship counselor? You've been together for 6 years (longer than some married couples who talk to marriage counselors) so I think it's appropriate if you really want and objective source who can bring out any issues and get the relationship to work.

 

Most importantly, whatever you do, should you get together again, take it slow. Don't rush into engagement until you have eveything sorted out.

 

Another thing I should mention, in my own experience I've noticed that relationships work the best when you don't let family have too much power over them. Your mom should not have been trying to influence things "before you tie the knot". I'm sure she meant well, but it was not appropriate. She is seeing that now. I think one of the reasons my own marriage is successful is that my husband and I are our own family and we put each other first. I never let anyone in my family say anything negative about him and vice versa. We're a unit, and while we're both close with our families, we never let them have an influence on our union or a say in our relationship. So I would advise that you let this decision be your own. It's between the 2 of you.

 

Best wishes,

 

BellaDonna

[Day_Walker]

Its simple, No TRUST, No RELATIONSHIP. The problem here is that you are only thinking of your feelings, "you love him so much" what you arent looking at is how he is treating you.

[karime2thestars]

Maybe you need to really take a deep and hard look about what you really think and feel about this person. Our heart has no ability to reason. It simply feels emotion - love, hate, happiness, hurt, etc. You can love a person forever, but if you don't have the basics on which a lasting relationship is based, maybe it is best to let it go for awhile. Maybe he is going through what you went through and needs some space to figure it out, and bottom line, if he is deceiving you now and has deceived you in the past, it does not mean he doesn't love you, maybe it just means he needs some space to explore other relationships to know you are the right one. The hardest thing to do is let go of someone you love, but if they truly love you, they will come back. You did. Let him have his time to figure it out too, out of love, not anger, then don't ever throw it in each others faces that you needed that time. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to be and you can be glad you didn't waste another 6 years figuring it out. Life is short.

[lavender]

Hi all,

Thanks for the opinion.

He did told me once that he needed space just to figure out whether I was the right one. Our relationship has always been exclusive and it is not usual for either of us to go out wih other ppl.

I consider myself as a smart & attractive women and I too, had some doubts about him. Since we started dating, many men had asked me out but I refused each & every one of them. Although I was interested to get to know some of them better, my conscience is telling me not to do so. I would not in a zillion years go out with another guy while I'm still dating someone becoz that would be disrecpectful & I would never have the heart to do it matter how much I wanted to.

I guess I expect the same thing from him. Are my expectations too high?

[lavender]

I called him last nite.

It seems hard to trust him again but I missed him terribly. I know it's stupid but I couldn't help hearing his voice, asking him about the other women & why, why oh why did he do it??????

I guess I was in a denial state. He never did apologize like hell.

 

Week 1 & 2: He didn't seem to care much about the breakup. Maybe he thought I would get over it after i throw some tantrums and we'll get back together like we used to.

 

Week 3 & 4: It's like he finally realizes how much he loves me. He became the sweetest guy ever & he apologize like hell & said all the right words. I was playing hard to get only coz I want him to learn his lesson.

 

The rest is history. It's like he gave up or something. The most painful feeling is that I feel like he's not trying hard enough. Doesn't our 6 years relationship meant anything to him? Is it that easy to let it go? Are all men like that? God it hurts so much...why must it end this way?? Doesn't he love me anymore?