Don't know how to deal with my boyfriend's anger management issues

[Wiseman2]

Why spend you life at each other's throats in a chronic power struggle? As you can see it's already eroding things. Hopefully you realize not all men are jerks like this guy.

 

You are seeing his true colors and the more you stick around, the more he'll dish out. BTW, not every single box on abusive/controlling relationships checklists has to be checked in order to realize things are toxic.

He said "thats not what i ordered" calmly and i said calmly " that's what you told me to get you" and he got so angry and started yelling "that's not what i said don't blame it on me" and then i yelled "that's what you told me to get it's not my fault" it was basically that over and over for a few minutes.

[abitbroken]

I was around 19 when I got out of an extremely abusive relationship. He also yelled at me for trivial things but he did other things more to the point of me turning into a shell of myself and wasting a university year and almost having to drop out and it took me years to recover from the damages in my self-esteem. So I can 100% support this post because nowadays and many years after leaving him, I can 100% say it was the best thing I did. I don't even know if I'd still be alive if I was still with him or at very least I know that my life would be miserable and my hopes and dreams would've gone to waste.

 

Yes, find yourself and enjoy life. It's not worth it to try to change someone who's hurtful or try to understand them. If only I could turn back time and say something to my young self it would be what saluk said.

 

I'm also curious into what happened 3 months ago for him to become so angry. It could be drugs or something else. It seems like something happened or he was like this all along but he wasn't showing his true colours at first to lure you in and test what you will and will not take. I also find it disturbing that he acts like nothing happened afterwards. It gives a gaslighting vibe.

 

It is NOT gaslighting. He acts like nothing happened, because she seems okay with it, and naturally when someone is a yeller and they are done yelling, they go back to not yelling. They don't "comment" on it and talk about how they just yelled and how it was wrong on their own. He doesn't act like nothing happened - he acts like nothing WRONG happened because he doesn't feel its wrong to get so angry.

[Ami123]

My partner is also like this, so I completely understand where you’re coming from. Keep an eye on it, I’m guessing (if anything like mine) now you’ve told him it affects you a lot then things will be calmer for a couple months but it always comes back. You can suggest him maybe seeking help or mention it to his family if you don’t want to suggest that. If all else fails, it’s a matter of talking it out and telling him the anger is too much for you to deal with and so you have to leave.

[abitbroken]

It is NOT gaslighting. He acts like nothing happened, because she seems okay with it, and naturally when someone is a yeller and they are done yelling, they go back to not yelling. They don't "comment" on it and talk about how they just yelled and how it was wrong on their own. He doesn't act like nothing happened - he acts like nothing WRONG happened because he doesn't feel its wrong to get so angry.

 

Gas lighting would be "i never yelled. I didn't say you got my coffee wrong. I didn't throw out the coffee. Remember? you brought me the coffee and I thanked you and drank it and told you how good it was and we shared it"