LONG but pls read - General boyfriend rant because I dont know what to do.

[Rose Mosse]

It seems like there's a terrible cycle of misunderstanding each other and failed expectations. If you're constantly expecting him to be a certain way and he's hearing from you what a failure he is, I don't imagine he (or anyone) would feel good about it. I'm not pointing the finger specifically at you but I think you should take a minute to acknowledge how you play a role in this dynamic also. I agree that both of you weren't compatible to start and his lies (about where he spent Christmas) and the way he's treated you keeping a secret are all manipulative tactics and just demonstrate lack respect and trust in the relationship in general. At that point (Christmas-time), we are already seeing the darker results of no respect or little respect in a relationship. He doesn't trust your reaction because of multiple failed expectations and chose, what he thought, the lesser of two evils (lying to you as opposed to telling you the truth). What started out as failed expectations evolved into a terrible unhealthy cycle of disappointments, no respect, no trust, failed expectations and very little understanding of each other.

 

If you ask me, personally, this relationship is over and done. The communication was shot awhile ago and any semblance of a healthy relationship is gone. He's been honest with you about putting other priorities first. I question his ability to prioritize in the first place but that's another matter. If you're looking for someone serious who treats you and a shared relationship as a long term commitment, this person isn't for you. He's prioritized differently. Next time try and look at the individual as a whole and be cautious when getting to know someone. Take your time and don't let this get the better of you. You've got your whole life to look forward to.

[Tinydance]

I'm actually very surprised that nobody here has brought up the question of this "ex". They spent Christmas together with their baby so maybe they are not even broken up? He very well might still be with her, at least in some capacity. Honestly to me it actually sounds like someone who is actually in a relationship and is having an affair. That's why he chose someone who lives three hours away that he only sees once a month. And how he just disappears, especially when he's on holiday. That's probably because he was on holiday with his "ex" or some other woman and he couldn't get away to contact you.

 

Everything about this is so dodgy, this guy is extremely shady and I guarantee you that the reason he's been hiding you from his family and never came to meet your family is because he's been having an affair and he doesn't want to be found out. 100% it's either that he's having an affair and/or that he's just not that into you so he doesn't see any point in making any real effort.

 

You are being treated like dirt and you seriously need to walk away from this guy now once and for all. He has been completely using you and he does not respect you at all.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm actually very surprised that nobody here has brought up the question of this "ex". They spent Christmas together with their baby so maybe they are not even broken up?

Well, Op said this in her opening post

So after i found out, I had to know if something was going on with him and his ex and i wasnt getting an reassurance from him so I messaged her and she was so lovely and cleared things up for me which is how she finally found out about me

So it looks like he and his ex are indeed "broken up" but they are still very much involved with one another even if the ex "cleared things up" for the Op.