gf is super mad at me

[mustlovedogs]

I'll clarify this much. A bottle of wine is only 25 ounces. It is also typically only around 4.5% alcohol. Last time I had a bottle of wine, I finished it myself in about an hour.

 

You had the equivalent of 2 cans of beer over 4 days. How are you defining being an alcoholic?

 

In college, I was an alcoholic. This meant, I woke up and had beer for breakfast, usually a drink at lunch, and often I would sneak alcohol into my evening classes to share with friends. At the end of the day, I would drink myself to sleep. This was over the period of about a year. I was a functioning alcoholic with straight A's It got to the point where my kidneys literally hurt me. I knew I needed to slow down and stop. When it came time to stop, it was a full on battle complete with weeks of anger, anxiety, cold sweats, and the shakes.

 

So, let's ask the question again. Are you an alcoholic?

 

I think not from what I've read. Find a new girl, that one has unresolved issues and you aren't that invested in the relationship.

 

In what universe is wine only 4.5%? It’s usually over 10%... often over 12%.

 

One glass of wine is about equivalent to one beer. Just clarifying.

[Nickel Speed]

In what universe is wine only 4.5%? It’s usually over 10%... often over 12%.

 

One glass of wine is about equivalent to one beer. Just clarifying.

 

It depends where you buy it here. Most of the time it is %4.5 at the store. Higher content at the liquor store.

 

At the liquor store however, I can also get very high content beer. Many of the craft beers I drink are over 12%. The whole point of my statement is, I don't believe him to be drinking alcoholic levels of alcohol.

 

Even at that, 4 beers over 4 days? Alcoholic? Nope.

[boltnrun]

He said a bottle. It could be a bottle of wine, or it could be a jug of wine or it could be large bottle of whiskey.

 

OP, you didn't answer my question...what kind of alcohol and how large bottle?

[katrina1980]

 

Earlier today we were talking and i mentioned that i had already finished a bottle I'd gotten four days ago. Happy conversation goes bad reallly fast, and she says I'm a liar like everyone else in her life and i'm an alcoholic.

 

 

I think you are focusing on the wrong thing OP.

 

Regardless of whether or not you are an alcoholic, or have a drinking problem, her accusations, maliciously calling you a liar and dumping you in with all the other losers she's dated?

 

Flat out unacceptable, immediate deal breaker for any man with even a modicum of self-respect. But instead you apologized to her??

 

May I ask what the heck you're thinking tolerating that insanity?

 

Look, if she does not want to date a drinker, that's fine, her choice.

 

The respectful way to handle that is calmly and rationally explain that to you, wish you well and walk away.

 

Not toss accusations at you, irrationally calling you a liar, lumping you in with all the other losers she's ever dated, all because it took you four DAYS to finish off a bottle of wine or alcohol. Crazy!!

 

Again, not quite sure what you're thinking by apologizing to her and wanting to continue dating her.

 

She sounds like a nightmare.

[catfeeder]

I would not swamp her with gifts and messages, I'd let her cool off. From there she'll either balance the great month you've shared together, or she'll stay in her deep end--her choice, without your influence. That's really the only way to trust that if she stays with you, it won't be because you've badgered her into it.

 

I don't view her reaction as being incompatible with what you both established on your first date--she was screening out heavy drinking, and you both arrived at 'occasional' drinking. Telling her you've downed a bottle of whiskey in 4 days was dumb on two counts: doing it, and telling her. So you got the reaction you fished for, and it makes no sense to pretzel yourself into doormat behavior in order to 'win' her back from that. It would be heaping lousy judgment on top of lousy judgment--which won't exactly win her respect. That's too 'ick'.

 

I'd back off and let her contact you when she's ready. If that doesn't happen, you'll know why. If it does happen, then quit the apologies, you've already done that. You have the opportunity to prove to both her and yourself that you can dump marathon drinking and adopt a healthier way of life, or not. If not, then she's the least of your concerns.

[katrina1980]

I think you should find a new gf- it has only been a month. You are ignoring some big red flags. You should be glad that she showed herself this early, instead you are falling all over yourself apologizing. Make better choices in women.

 

I agree Holly.

 

There are better ways for her to handle her concerns other than lashing out accusing OP of being a liar and "like all the others."

 

If a man I just started dating (a month?) lashed out at me that way, regardless of whether his concerns were legit, he's gone. Done. Next.

 

Immediate deal breaker so early in or ever really.

 

We're adults here not 5-year olds!

[boltnrun]

I agree Holly.

 

There are better ways for her to handle her concerns other than lashing out accusing OP of being a liar and "like all the others."

 

If a man I just started dating (a month?) lashed out at me that way, regardless of whether his concerns were legit, he's gone. Done. Next.

 

Immediate deal breaker so early in or ever really.

 

We're adults here not 5-year olds!

 

I definitely agree. This approach is not one that is conducive to conversation or compromise. And she should not have the expectation that someone she's dating is willing to put up with her lashing out OR that they should be willing to bend to accommodate her hang ups.