LDR ex completely abandoned me for a new guy

[MisterMime93]

Take control and simply delete and block her from all social media and messaging apps. Do not keep her in control by asking her this.

 

I blocked her everywhere but WhatsApp. My reasoning is that you can still see pictures and the number of blocked contacts, and I'd rather completely forget about her asap. So yeah she could still contact me on WhatsApp because of this.

[boltnrun]

I blocked her everywhere but WhatsApp. My reasoning is that you can still see pictures and the number of blocked contacts, and I'd rather completely forget about her asap. So yeah she could still contact me on WhatsApp because of this.

 

That is some convoluted excuse making there lol.

 

I think you might still be hoping that things don't work out with the new guy and she comes back to you. True?

[MisterMime93]

That is some convoluted excuse making there lol.

 

I think you might still be hoping that things don't work out with the new guy and she comes back to you. True?

 

I promise you it's not an excuse. That is actually the reason why I didn't block her there. It hurts seeing her profile pictures update with him and stuff like that.

 

At the same time, I do kind of want her to contact me. But not to get back together, I would never trust her again after this. If she does contact me, it'll feel like an inside victory I guess. I probably won't reply, or reply saying that it's over or whatever.

 

I know it's hard to believe me, but what I'm saying is the truth. I don't know why I would lie on an anonymous account.

[reinventmyself]

I promise you it's not an excuse. That is actually the reason why I didn't block her there.

 

If she does contact me, it'll feel like an inside victory I guess. I probably won't reply, or reply saying that it's over or whatever.

Here's the problem with this type of thinking. To say that you would feel victory if she reached out suggests you've tied your selfworth to her. You are allowing her to define it. She reaches out = you must still have some value.

Don't do that. Just don't. She dumped you. She doesn't get the privilege of being a part of your life anymore.

 

From everything I read, it seems like you are two decent people who ultimately were not a good match for each other.

I get that it makes things feel better if we can villain-ize them, but maturity teaches us otherwise.

 

In order to learn anything here, you have to take responsibility for making the decision to travel and spend time with someone who broke off a romantic relationship with you and wanted to be your friend. Yes, she could have handled the timing better because it appears she was becoming attached to someone while you two were still a couple. But you suspected it anyway and still made some decisions that put yourself in harms way. Own that and learn to not do it again.

 

Be done. Be mature. Take the high road and don't wait for the opportunity if she contacts you so you can stick it to her. That's what immature people do. Don't be that guy. You are better than that. You handle your end maturely, it will shape you in years to come.

 

And no, her contacting you doesn't make you special. It just makes you someone who will give her attention, good, bad or otherwise. When you react to someone, you give yourself away that you are still attached.

 

The best and last final word is silence.

[MisterMime93]

Here's the problem with this type of thinking. To say that you would feel victory if she reached out suggests you've tied your selfworth to her. You are allowing her to define it. She reaches out = you must still have some value.

Don't do that. Just don't. She dumped you. She doesn't get the privilege of being a part of your life anymore.

 

From everything I read, it seems like you are two decent people who ultimately were not a good match for each other.

I get that it makes things feel better if we can villain-ize them, but maturity teaches us otherwise.

 

In order to learn anything here, you have to take responsibility for making the decision to travel and spend time with someone who broke off a romantic relationship with you and wanted to be your friend. Yes, she could have handled the timing better because it appears she was becoming attached to someone while you two were still a couple. But you suspected it anyway and still made some decisions that put yourself in harms way. Own that and learn to not do it again.

 

Be done. Be mature. Take the high road and don't wait for the opportunity if she contacts you so you can stick it to her. That's what immature people do. Don't be that guy. You are better than that. You handle your end maturely, it will shape you in years to come.

 

And no, her contacting you doesn't make you special. It just makes you someone who will give her attention, good, bad or otherwise. When you react to someone, you give yourself away that you are still attached.

 

The best and last final word is silence.

 

You're right. Going over was a mistake. I realize that now, and that's a life lesson I'm glad to have had on my 19th already.

 

She wanted to be friends, but she knew that if she and this guy would be a couple in the future, we couldn't be friends. So I'm thinking that it was a straight up lie to comfort me or something. But then again, why did she suggest me coming over if that was the case? It's just so confusing.

 

I didn't suspect anything before coming over by the way. I just figured the issues we had to overcome in the relationship were too big, and she didn't want to progress too far or something. Might still be the case, but it was probably boosted by the other guy being there.

 

Everything you said; you're completely right. I just have an attachment issue. I seem to have difficulty dropping people that were once close to me. It makes me wonder if the other person still thinks about me, which I absolutely shouldn't think about.

 

And the worst is, I also know I'll find someone else in the future.. but I just miss the times with her. On the other end, I don't want to give her an inch anymore because of how she treated and lied to me.

 

I don't know if I make sense. But trust me, I know you're right about everything you said. Moving on is difficult when I'm reminded of her, however. And I get reminded of her easily, when I play a game we used to do together and stuff like that..

[reinventmyself]

If it makes you feel any better, you do not have an attachment issue. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal.

Just be patient and give this some time.

Hang in there.

[MisterMime93]

If it makes you feel any better, you do not have an attachment issue. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal.

Just be patient and give this some time.

Hang in there.

 

That does make me feel better. Though if it's normal, I wonder why she doesn't seem to feel the same way, except for crying during the breakup.

 

Thank you

[reinventmyself]

I wonder why she doesn't seem to feel the same way, except for crying during

 

Because she isn't you. Her experience is entirely different, whatever that may be

[boltnrun]

My ex felt nothing but excitement over his new girlfriend when he dumped me via email. No regret, no sadness, no compassion.

 

But that's fine, let them do their thing. You don't have to have a front row seat for their relationship.

[MisterMime93]

My ex felt nothing but excitement over his new girlfriend when he dumped me via email. No regret, no sadness, no compassion.

 

But that's fine, let them do their thing. You don't have to have a front row seat for their relationship.

 

It's astounding how that can work, is it.

 

I'll let them do their thing. I want nothing to do with it. I wished them the best and that's it.

[RayRay63]

Reinvent's advice on page 3 is excellent, and I have nothing to add to it.

 

It makes me wonder if the other person still thinks about me, which I absolutely shouldn't think about.

 

You knew this lady for more than 2 years, and there was enough attraction for you two to get together, LD.

 

She will think of you from time to time - even though she is distracted from the effects of the break-up by monkey branching to the other fellow.

 

This does not mean she wants to get back together.

 

Doing no contact properly will probably increase her curiosity in the months to come, but as always said, do it for yourself to heal and move on, not as a weapon.

 

Even if you can't convince yourself not to think of it as a weapon, do it anyway, because it'll work positively for you as time passes and your emotional addiction to her fades.

[RayRay63]

My ex felt nothing but excitement over his new girlfriend when he dumped me via email. No regret, no sadness, no compassion.

 

But that's fine, let them do their thing. You don't have to have a front row seat for their relationship.

 

 

Same here Bolty. The only thing she was concerned about, was whether I would stay in orbit in case she needed Plan B down the track.

[boltnrun]

Same here Bolty. The only thing she was concerned about, was whether I would stay in orbit in case she needed Plan B down the track.

 

Yeah, my ex would call me whenever he and the woman he cheated on me with and dumped me for got in a fight. If I picked up he would say nice things to me like "no one knows me the way you do". Then when they made up I wouldn't hear from him until the next fight.

 

I do not recommend that course of action. It was extremely defeating and esteem crushing.

[MisterMime93]

Reinvent's advice on page 3 is excellent, and I have nothing to add to it.

 

 

 

You knew this lady for more than 2 years, and there was enough attraction for you two to get together, LD.

 

She will think of you from time to time - even though she is distracted from the effects of the break-up by monkey branching to the other fellow.

 

This does not mean she wants to get back together.

 

Doing no contact properly will probably increase her curiosity in the months to come, but as always said, do it for yourself to heal and move on, not as a weapon.

 

Even if you can't convince yourself not to think of it as a weapon, do it anyway, because it'll work positively for you as time passes and your emotional addiction to her fades.

 

This made me feel better, thank you a lot.