Am I overthinking this?

[Nebraskagirl14]

Are you sure about that?

 

That's not how your posts here read, anyway.

 

I think she’s attractive but I don’t even know her.

[Nebraskagirl14]

I don't necessarily think you rub introverts the wrong way. We just react differently to attention and there may be a slight 'pulling away' period, especially as we get closer to people. So, it may not actually be all gloom and doom. Just readjustment.

 

Similarly, the fact that you find her somewhat attractive may be making you more sensitive to this behavior. Under ordinary circumstances, where you are not attracted to someone but simply like them, you might not pick up on it at all.

 

That’s very true, Ms. J!!

[maew]

Sometimes when people separate after a long term relationship it can be a confusing, vulnerable and strange time when it comes to friendships and intimacy. I can generally sense when someone (male or female) is attracted to me... my guess is that she could too... and was afraid of things escalating and having to deal with an awkward situation.

 

If you just back off and give her space I am sure she will relax and be comfortable around you again.

[Nebraskagirl14]

Sometimes when people separate after a long term relationship it can be a confusing, vulnerable and strange time when it comes to friendships and intimacy. I can generally sense when someone (male or female) is attracted to me... my guess is that she could too... and was afraid of things escalating and having to deal with an awkward situation.

 

If you just back off and give her space I am sure she will relax and be comfortable around you again.

 

Thank you, Maew-

 

I completely agree. I have totally backed off. I mean, there was no actual “on” but I haven’t pursued conversations with her. I figure she is probably also going through stuff and it could be confusing. To be frank, I was actually a little nervous about us hanging out because I do think she is attractive and I don’t want to get myself into a situation where I have feelings for her and then that would be really awkward also. That isn’t where I want this to go. I don’t want to be in a relationship right now regardless of whether she is straight or bi or unsure and it doesn’t sound like she does either but these things can start to take on a life of their own and I don’t want it to go there.

[catfeeder]

okay, did something happen that I don’t know about?

 

Sure, obviously, and you don't know about it because you don't know her all that well. And odds are that it has zero to do with you.

 

Haven't you ever been in a rush, and despite the love you have for your friends, you've needed to fly past inquiry--because you're in a rush?

 

I'd take some deep cleansing breaths and look forward to seeing your new friend next class. On some days she'll have the free time to socialize with you, and others she'll need to plow forward with a wave and some dust left behind.

 

Same as you, same as anyone, at some point.

 

Head high, and don't personalize stuff that is most likely not personal.

[Nebraskagirl14]

Sure, obviously, and you don't know about it because you don't know her all that well. And odds are that it has zero to do with you.

 

Haven't you ever been in a rush, and despite the love you have for your friends, you've needed to fly past inquiry--because you're in a rush?

 

I'd take some deep cleansing breaths and look forward to seeing your new friend next class. On some days she'll have the free time to socialize with you, and others she'll need to plow forward with a wave and some dust left behind.

 

Same as you, same as anyone, at some point.

 

Head high, and don't personalize stuff that is most likely not personal.

 

Thank you, Catfeeder!! I agree with this now and I feel it. I am just going to be easy about it. It has been a pattern of mine to get really excited about a new friendship and then get all attached to the idea of us becoming good friends and interacting often. But not everyone is that way. I’m particularly extroverted in that way and a lot of people aren’t and I get that.

[catfeeder]

Thank you, Catfeeder!! I agree with this now and I feel it. I am just going to be easy about it. It has been a pattern of mine to get really excited about a new friendship and then get all attached to the idea of us becoming good friends and interacting often. But not everyone is that way. I’m particularly extroverted in that way and a lot of people aren’t and I get that.

 

I understand. It's prudent to allow new friends to show you their pace. Not every acquaintance will become best buds, and that's fine. Part of maturity is to form different kinds and degrees of friends to satisfy different needs and interests. Otherwise, attempting to form the kind of 'best' friendships we had as kids where someone becomes our 'everything' is too intense and not appropriate.

 

Close friendships can evolve from acquaintanceships, but not with a heavy hand. That puts people off, because most people already have full lives and aren't seeking to add the kind of investment a close friendship can require.

 

Use a soft touch, and see what evolves. Not everyone is a good match for friendship, but that speaks of the mix in capabilities and timing rather than directly of you.

[Nebraskagirl14]

I understand. It's prudent to allow new friends to show you their pace. Not every acquaintance will become best buds, and that's fine. Part of maturity is to form different kinds and degrees of friends to satisfy different needs and interests. Otherwise, attempting to form the kind of 'best' friendships we had as kids where someone becomes our 'everything' is too intense and not appropriate.

 

Close friendships can evolve from acquaintanceships, but not with a heavy hand. That puts people off, because most people already have full lives and aren't seeking to add the kind of investment a close friendship can require.

 

Use a soft touch, and see what evolves. Not everyone is a good match for friendship, but that speaks of the mix in capabilities and timing rather than directly of you.

 

Thank you so much :-) This is brilliant advice and your words really hit home for me!! I have class with her tonight and I’m just going to treat it like no big deal and then leave afterward like no big deal. Thank you!

[Nebraskagirl14]

Just to update everyone, I was worrying for absolutely nothing. All was friendly again tonight and went great and we chatted after class and it was exactly how I would have wished it to be. Normal and natural and not weird at all. Thank you all for your kind words!!

[catfeeder]

Just to update everyone, I was worrying for absolutely nothing. All was friendly again tonight and went great and we chatted after class and it was exactly how I would have wished it to be. Normal and natural and not weird at all. Thank you all for your kind words!!

 

Terrific! Thanks for letting us know. EnjOy!