Tip-Sharing in Asking Shy People Out.....

[swedeace]

Hey all! I am in a great mood with a recent "shy guy" experience, and I wanted to share some important, helpful tips to anyone who wants to ask out shy people or is shy themselves and has someone who's interested in you.....

 

I'm all for asking guys out! I've asked out two guys in my lifetime, and I gained different types of experiences for both occasions. I recommend any female who wants to ask out a guy to GO forth with it for experience whether acceptance or rejection. It's a good learning lesson in life.

 

I often read in forums, "Don't say he is shy because he is just NOT interested in you...." Well, whether interest is the key or not, I do believe in giving shy people a chance and not "assume" they aren't interested. Of course shy people are interested (be it for friendships or romance), but they just need to feel comfortable, right? Turns out this recent guy I asked out DID tell me he is "quite shy." So there....

 

One thing I have read (I read LOTS and found this out in all my reading) is that females who approach males in a hetero attraction builds character because she can do it! Society tends to think males are supposed to be the "go-getters," but that just puts pressure on males, you know.

 

One hint for females based on my own experience: When approaching a shy guy during your initiation, give him your contact info, so he can decide and give thought about initiating the date setting for you, if he's interested. It gives both sexes a chance for initiation and room to think. If he's especially shy, then it will give him some time to think and decide about his courage in stepping up to the plate. The shy guy I asked out took him 11 days, but I understood after he wrote me and apologized. Since he's shy, I understood he's also had personal stuff he's going through, so I showed him patience, even if I was biting my nails and pulling my hair. Of course, I didn't tell him that, but remember: "to make a friend, you must be a friend."

 

I seem to also fall for the shy types, too. On both occasions were that I observed them at work and just "went up to them." I chit-chatted at first to make them feel comfortable, of course, but I had NO clue what they were thinking. It makes it a little difficult to decipher what they are thinking, but I got a shy guy to open up recently by putting listening skills in front of everything! No matter which sex is initiating, you have to listen. Listening is very important. Listen to clues as to what kind of person they are, what's important in their life, etc. If you ask them a question before, you really will impress them because you listened to them. I did that with this recent guy, and it helped him be less shy during our conversation. Now he opens up and talks with me. He's going through stuff at the moment, but we are starting off as friends. It's all good.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share in hopes others will feel inspired and more understanding towards shy people.

[kungfumaster]

swedeace - I wish all women were like you being a bit shy myself

 

hiyah! on all you have said, i.e., i sooooooooooooooooo agree with everything you said and more!

[ShySoul]

swedeace,

 

How come I can't seem to meet girls like you? It's not fair. All the good girls are miles away.

[swedeace]

swedeace - I wish all women were like you being a bit shy myself

 

hiyah! on all you have said, i.e., i sooooooooooooooooo agree with everything you said and more!

Thanks.

 

Being a somewhat shy person myself, I KNOW it can be really scary to just "go up to someone." I am not the type of person to just go up and talk with ANYONE (even for small chit-chat or someone I am interested in), so I tend to get a racing heart and shaky hands.

 

I debated over and over and over again about both of my "shy guy" encounters. Then I'd hear people tell me, "What do you have to lose?" I didn't just change to a "I agree" overnight, so I had to tell myself after days and weeks to just "do it" as life's lessons. The way I look at it is that I had to teach myself and just "yearned" to be able to proudly say, "I did it! I asked a guy out!" And to think - I was *this* close to just not doing it.... I now realize I would've been kicking myself hard now, had that been the case. I'm so glad I did! Now I *can* say that, and it feels damn good!

 

The first situation the guy was gay, so that was the end of that.... The second guy is straight, and he is not ready to date these days due to stuff he's going through. He did, however, enjoyed talking with me and hopes to talk more.

 

You want to know the secret? Well, I figured he was shy (through non-verbals, naturally), and since I can relate with him in that field, I read SO much about conversing. Just by chit-chatting little-by-little to him gave me so much confidence and listening to what he had to say. I found he was getting more comfortable! Wow! What a special thing to know that *I* as a human being actually made someone else feel comfortable! It felt great and made my self-esteem go high. It's usually the other way around where people come up to me.

 

In conclusion, I won't give up. For now, I'll be that listening friend to this guy whether things work out or not in the future. If not, it's not the end of the world. All I know is that I CAN do it, and do it again I will.

[swedeace]

swedeace,

 

How come I can't seem to meet girls like you? It's not fair. All the good girls are miles away.

Thanks, ShySoul!

 

I can only speak by my "encounter" experience. I have yet to actually date, especially at my age. We just have to keep our chins up, right? Just follow the "communication" and "listening" strategies when encountering people, and I am confident it will work.

[nexus532]

I think everyone is shy, no matter who you are there is always going to be dought about talking to someone you have a crush on. I guess you have to find the right time and place to overcome your shyness. Its weird how shyness works, back befor i went to college i was never afraid to talkto anyone, but know i think that being shy has got the best of me. But maybe its for my own good, to keep me out of trouble.

 

Good advice though, thanks!