Virgin...scared of sex

[SweetDreams]

I am a virgin and I do have a bf that i have been with for about 5 months. He is a virgin also and we both agree on have sex when the time is right. We talk about it often and thats no problem. I am just really scared that when I think im ready and he thinks he is ready i will chicken out. I love my boyfriend and all but I am a very shy person I dont know if i can do it. My worst fear is that i will have sex with him and then we end up breaking up. People tell me that it isnt such a big deal after it is done but I have always thought of it as being a big deal even though I have never had sex. I would hate to think that im the only person that is thinking like this. I have lately been having these urges to have sex but I cover it up with the excuse that I am a growing teen and its just my raging hormones. I really don't want to feel dirty after having sex with him like he was the wrong guy or something I FEEL SO WEIRD ..Should I just wait till marriage???What if my partner doesnt want to???

 

Another thing i maybe should add was that when I was 11 my dads gf's son which was 16 at the time made me touch his private parts and I was too scared // shocked to stop him coz i never been in a situation like that and everytime I went over to his house he would make me climb on top of him or he would climb on top of me and I was so scared I didnt know what to do...but after a while I felt used and I regreted it all!!....would this experience maybe contribute to my feelings toward sex? HELP!! *thanx in advance*

[ShySoul]

Hi SweetDreams,

 

Your experience when you were young probably is contributing to your fear now. You were put in a position that made you uncomfortable and, even though nothing actually happened, it makes you uneasy and afraid. Your boyfriend sounds like he loves and respects you and wouldn't do anything that you aren't ready for. Communicate any concerns you might have and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. When you are ready you will know. These doubts are natural, don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. Your first time can be scary and nervwracking. But when you are really ready and fully prepared, you won't have these fears. Until then, enjoy what you have and don't try to rush anything.

[RayKay]

Don't rush things if you don't feel ready. While sex in itself is not always something that should be feared, what I think you are afraid of more is the emotional ties that come along with sex - you can't turn it back.

 

When the time is right for you, you will know, and might be nervous, but no longer fearful. Wait until that time - and if it is within marriage that is your choice. If it is before with someone you love, and he loves you, then that is the time. If a partner does not want to wait for you, he is not the partner for you...and you may find that does indeed happen.

 

The thing is you mention you ARE still a teenager, so really take your time before you get there - don't do it just because everyone else is, and people tell you its no big deal. There are many on this board who waited until they were late teens/early 20s or longer to lose theirs, so not everyone is doing it. To you it is a big deal, and it really SHOULD be a big deal. I am not saying you have to wait until marriage (personally I am not someone who would advise waiting to marriage for various reasons, but each to their own) but wait until it feels right, and when it is right, you will know. Don't deny your sexuality, but do also listen to your own feelings about who is the right person to give it too.

 

Your past experiences may also have something to do with it as sex right now may remind you of fear, and confusion. So take your time, if your partner loves you they will understand that you need to wait too until you feel safe and secure enough with them to share your body with.

 

Take care,

 

RayKay

[BellaDonna]

All I can say is that if you don't feel ready, don't do it. Do not let your BF pressure you. If he cares enough , he'll wait.

[Day_Walker]

Given your past history of sexual abuse, its important that you wait until you are ready to have sex. Thats the only way you are going to be comfortable with having sex. I dont believe that you should feel that sex is wrong or dirty, I realize yourself but the act itself isnt dirty or wrong instead what was done to you was wrong and dirty, see the difference. I dont know if you have told anybody about what has happened to you but it would be a good idea that you had someone to talk about that issue preferrably a medical professional.

[greenowl88]

When you are ready it will feel right. Do not rush it.