My boyfriends brothers girlfriend is making me depressed

[catfeeder]

My sister married a guy with the same kind of family business dynamic, with her husband being the responsible one while two brothers mooched off the business and drove it to the ground. It was a charming and fun-loving family, despite one psycho sister-in-law who did the entitled stay-at-home routine while ripping off the family with credit cards charged to the business. Husband's tolerance and catering drove my sister batty until the business crashed and husband started working for another business.

 

I'd be careful about Paying Attention to what you see now, because the issue is not the brother or his GF, it's your BF. He's showing you exactly the way things will be if you marry into this--or invest more time hovering and plotting your way IN. I'd consider looking beyond this scope and consider getting OUT, instead.

 

Head high, and don't focus on the wrong stuff. It's not a competition with the GF--her value to you is opening your eyes.

[nutbrownhare]

The real problem here is that you are not getting your needs met by this relationship, whilst giving everything you've got TO it. This would be the case whether the girlfriend was there or not; your guy seems to prioritise his family over your relationship and ensuring the viability of the family business and, basically, you have different value systems.

 

You need to differentiate between the aspects of her life which impact on you, and which don't - for example, she could have twelve kids by different fathers, but that wouldn't affect you. On the other hand, if she has one kid and your boyfriend neglects you because he's spending all his time with their little family - that does. You have worked hard all your life to achieve your goals but are now feeling pushed aside because your partner has different priorities. But I think you're wrong to blame this girl for your feelings of depression, as it's not just about her but the entire situation you find yourself in - your boyfriend included.

 

To be honest, having similar values and goals is more important to the success of a long term relationship than having a lot of interests in common or mutual attraction - and that really doesn't seem to be happening here. It's not a question of right/wrong, but it does seem to be an incompatibility between you. By all means, give your boyfriend a chance, and discuss your concerns with him - but, to be honest, I doubt it will make any difference. You two just aren't on the same page.