I feel like I'm immature

[Annia]

I didn't always have healthy boundaries ,that's for sure! I understand that you don't want to make decisions from a place of loneliness/desperation -makes perfect sense. Dating takes the same energy a job does in terms of making a plan, keeping a plan, showing up and making a good first impression. It did feel like a part time job at times. And I faked it till I made it. Often when I walked into a restaurant I told myself (silently!) "you are glamorous" or "this is a tea party". I don't believe myself to be glamorous and have been to 3 formal tea parties in my life (two at the time I used to say this to myself - for first dates and stressful work meetings!) .

 

I think dating also can help you reinforce self-respect and healthy boundaries - because you're not thinking of it in a vacuum -you're forced to make those decisions regularly.

 

I agree with you on the aspect that dating can make us learn by trial and error what works and doesn't work for us and to make those decision and enforcing boundaries. I think that exposure to dating also makes us put things in perspective and don't have a scarcity mind.

 

I think my pause was good for me for those reasons I stated. I was in a very unhealthy place emotionally a few years ago and made some bad decisions.

 

Also, like you I need some pep talk to myself because I'm introverted and tend to feel nervous when I meet new people. So dating a lot takes a big toll on my energy levels. But I also shifted my perspective that it's not a big deal if things don't end up working out. Dating is a good time to have fun and most importantly to scan if the person has good partner potential or not (if the goal is a long term relationship/marriage). I think that I'm in a more healthy place to make that screening and make those decisions and have build a more pragmatic emotional distance to differentiate between good matches and bad matches.

 

But yes, like you say it also comes with practice.

[Batya33]

You've come so far - wow!

[Annia]

You've come so far - wow!

 

Thank you. I cringe when I read some of the things I've written on this forum years ago, how my priorities were so twisted and how my boundaries were so weak or with some of the things I've done in the past, but I'm learning to forgive myself lol

[Batya33]

Thank you. I cringe when I read some of the things I've written on this forum years ago, how my priorities were so twisted and how my boundaries were so weak or with some of the things I've done in the past, but I'm learning to forgive myself lol

 

We're all right there with you, promise!

[Chinadoll13]

I don't think you are immature at all. The fact that you thought about all of this shows your maturity. I know it's difficult, but try not to compare your life with others. No one wins in a comparison game. You either feel inferior or you feel superior. Either one is not desireable. Understand that no matter how perfect someone seems to the outside world, everyone is fighting a battle. It could be financial, marriage, children, work - everyone has problems. Instead, evaluate your life based on your terms. Are you happy with your life right now? Think aboutg where you were 5 years ago compared to now. Be proud of how far you have come. Now, think about where you want to be 5 years from now, make a plan, and work to get there. Realize that those mothers who you envy for their kids and their families are probably looking at you, envious of your freedom and single life. As for the party, I thought that was very considerate of you to stay and help clean. I'm sure the host was very appreciative for some help. Cooking may not be your strength, but you thought of a way to compensate for it, which is admirable. Don't sell yourself short. It sounds like you are an amazing person! Don't rush things - your future will unfold at the right time. Take care.