How should I handle this "friend" at NYE party?

[catfeeder]

B. told her that she didn't know what was going on, but B. encouraged her to write me an email. In B.'s defense, she didn't know what else to say. I now wish I hadn't said anything to B. at all (as catfeeder had pointed out so wisely), so I'm not mentioning this to anyone else.

 

B handled this well: avoid offering opinions, just redirect the gossiper back to the source of the subject. Yet, you can see how this positioned B badly, so you've learned why it's best to avoid contaminating mutual acquaintances by asking them to keep secrets.

 

This doesn't mean we can't ever ask anyone to play a sounding board to our problems, it just means we need to use discretion in choosing the right person for that. So in social cases, target someone at least twice removed from the social circle--like a trusted aunt or cousin--but preferably someone who has never met the person at issue and likely never will. In cases of discussing a lover, NEVER involve family.

 

I will continue to be cordial, as doing so made for a very pleasant evening for us all.

 

Good choice. You've delivered your message by pulling away, and frienemy is left to stew in all of her indiscretions. You're clear that any attempts to manipulate forgiveness over one given incident is insincere, and not worth bothering. You can simply play 'busy and cheerful' instead.

 

If you all are wondering why she continues to get invited to things, it's because she picks and chooses who she'll be mean to, and for whom she'll turn on the charm.

 

This is exactly why it's best to allow whutsurname to hang herself in her own time and way without getting yourself dirty. She's earned her list of people who've seen the truth, so anyone who isn't observant enough to heed glaring neon signs will learn how to Pay Attention soon enough.

 

It's not your monkey, and head high.