marriage trouble

[Jennifer2018]

When did he do this? before his illness or since?

 

He has always put work before me. But the completely ignoring me and shutting me out has been since the illness.

[Jennifer2018]

I doubt he would mind you reaching out to friends for support. Have you told him you are flirting with men online?

 

he knows I spend a lot of time in a chat room for a game I play. He doesnt know specifically about any flirting.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds as though, now that he is ill, you are getting even with him for putting work first and neglecting you. You seem to resent and detest him, even more so now because you are quite contemptuous about his "whining" about his illness.

He has always put work before me. But the completely ignoring me and shutting me out has been since the illness.

 

 

he knows I spend a lot of time in a chat room for a game I play. He doesnt know specifically about any flirting.

[ThatwasThen]

I think about a reversal of roles all the time. I totally get it. I would be hurt that he reached out to another woman, but if it was emotionally isolating him, I could understand it

You find it frustrating that a women re-routes attention? Men do it all the time My husband rerouted his attention long before I did. Imagine my frustration.

I dont believe that G-d is testing us/me/him, so lets take religion out of it.

Im not going to physically cheat on him. period. I dont have much family to speak of..and my friends have their own problems to deal with.

Im not giving up on him.. but I dont see much difference in reaching out to my friends.. or chatting with a stranger about how I am feeling.. much like I did here.

At this point, its clear that you're not going to try to do anything that will resolve the marital mess you're living with so... Just keep your flirting with your gamer buddy and stay in your codependent and apathetic marriage and that's that. No point asking for advice here if you don't plan on doing anything else but what you do.

 

Have fun and try your best to not be verbally abusive to one another in your indifferent, emotionally apathetic marriage while you enable each other to never have to change that dynamic. Its not just him that needs to change.

 

Good luck going forth.

 

I'll add that the difference between chatting with a man and female friends is that you won't find yourself becoming emotionally attracted/vulnerable to your girl friends (unless you are bi). The more you spill your guts to the guy, the more you're going to find importance in him and the more you will become vulnerable to him... being vulnerable to someone is what opens us up to emotionally connecting. You don't understand that you are not doing yourself any favors by giving this man the importance that you are.

[abitbroken]

Sounds like you are not the wife you presented yourself as -- caring for him at his illness, being giving and supportive. Instead, you are just on the internet playing games. You are giving nothing to your husband and therefore getting nothing in return. I dont think he has shut you out as much as you have taken an out. He is vulnerable right now and all you care about is if you are getting sexual attention. You have already decided to leave your husband and when he is now sick and can't provide like he did -- you seem done. He has no more use to you.