Bumped into my ex after a year, need help!

[Peter1223344]

My ex girlfriend (24) broke up with me (27) a year ago after a 6 year relationship, as I became too insecure and jealous. The past year ive seen several different girls and really worked on myself and I feel im a completely different person, much more confident, easy going and self assured. I thought I was over my ex until I bumped into her at a bar at the weekend. My feelings resurfaced, we talked for hours and went back to mine and drank, kissed and slept in the same bed, although she felt sex wasn't a good idea... I was in 2 minds. we both agreed there were definitely still strong feelings there and we reminisced a lot about happy times, I apologised about everything and explained id changed and would like to get to know each other again. we are both currently seeing other people but not exclusively. she said she would need some time to process her feelings as she was very confused, as am I. She knows im open to seeing her again, but im not sure if she will ever contact me again, I hate being stuck in limbo. ive already made my intentions clear and feel I don't want to reach out first as she said she was confused, but waiting is driving me crazy already after 2 days.. Also she is going travelling to asia in a week for a month. Im so confused and I think I still love her and have no idea what to do....

[shiner501]

Do nothing. Let her chase you. And if she doesn't do that she isn't interested.

 

Doing nothing is one of the hardest things to actually do.

[MissCanuck]

There is nothing to do at this point, OP.

 

She is going away for a month. Trying to strike up something again before that isn't a good idea. See what happens when she's back, if she gets in touch.

[ShatteredMan]

Do nothing. Let her chase you. And if she doesn't do that she isn't interested.

 

Doing nothing is one of the hardest things to actually do.

 

Completely agree with Shiner. As you said, she knows that you're open to seeing her again. The ball is in her court. You'll push her away if you pursue.

 

Also, let her behaviors and decisions tell you everything you need to know about her interest in getting back together. If she doesn't reach out or you discover that she's with someone else, then what does that tell you?

 

Its not the advice that you want to hear (and I've been where you are) but once you reach a place in your heart and mind that says, "You know...I'm going to be fine without her being in my life because there's plenty of other women that would kill to have a man like me in their lives", you won't care. You'll be able to have her walk past you on the street and you'll think about how lucky you were to have her in your life for a short while. However, you'll also think about how great it is not have to deal with her negatives.

 

In the meantime, keep dating. You may meet someone that exceeds all of the expectations you have of your ex and may have greater potential for being a long-term relationship.

 

Good luck, stay strong and this too shall pass.

[SGH]

My guess is, she picked up on how strong your feelings are, and it scared her. I'm sure it was difficult to break your heart a year ago and that she doesn't want to do so again. I don't know why she ended the relationship, but often times there are core incompatibilities that drive a couple apart. The others are correct. All you can do is wait and see if she makes a move, because chasing her will definitely drive her away. Just remember that there were likely good reasons the two of you split up. Another go-around may not be as pleasant as it sounds to you right now.

[Peter1223344]

Thanks so much for all the advice, I accept the sensible thing to do is wait.

I'm just not sure on how long to wait, before realising she has made her mind up that its not a good idea to meet. Is there ever a good time for me to ask if shed like to meet for a drink (weeks/months?) as she's not a forward person and im the one who did the damage.

We both said we still love each other... getting on with my life is easy, meeting new people is easy but forgetting about her and that kiss is not easy and waiting around is painfully frustrating.

[MissCanuck]

There is no reason for you to wait around, OP.

 

She already ended the relationship and is dating around again. She certainly isn't putting herself on hold for you, and you shouldn't do so either. I would view this as a one-time hookup with an ex, and carry on with your life.

 

Unless and until you hear from her in a completely clear and sober state, proceed with your healing and accepting that it's over.