its our 3rd time and i still want her back

[fantomlord]

Hi everyone,

i recently broke up with my Girl Friend in a complicated way and i don't know if i am doing right or wrong after all the things that i did wrong in this recent break up i am really looking forward any help you can give me to get her back.

we were going out to buy some suits for me, our families were about to discuss some marriage thing and we were getting ready for that, after searching some stores i though i should bring up a subject that could really upset her, it was about some of my families point of view of the marriage that didn't go on as we wanted them to, long story short buying fancy suit changed to a nightmare, she was all screaming at me in the car telling me you are an idiot that you though of your family like that and i took all the blame for my family doings even tho everything was some kind of a money problem. it was 3 hours intense yelling and screaming and blaming of me, i also forgot that she could be PMSing, anyway after all the fight and talking that we've been through, i was so upset about that she is not understanding the self me i was about to cry and she just felt it and said you are so weak that you are crying and continued to blame again, she said she prefers that we don't meet for a while and we just talk to each other in whatsapp, she also went to a trip with her family and talked to them about the new situation we were facing, she also removed the ability to see her last seen time in whatsapp. after like 4 days after she came back she still didn't want to see me, and i couldn't stop being needy, i almost exposed my self that i really need to see her or talk to her but she ignored me and said she talks better over whatsapp and kept being ignorant, we were just messaging about the day how was he and so on, they only took like 3 minute each day, we even didn't say goodnight or good morning! after some time that i let her be alone completely and lowered the number of times i sent her messages (like after 2 days) she messaged me that for some reasons "i really got coldfeet on you and feel more pity than love for you now", after some talking i asked her to give me some time to make those things right again, she told me i have my time to fix things but if you don't make things right i think we better cut it off, and she also said she can not contribute to the relation like before she wouldn't put time and energy to our relation again. i couldn't believe she was doing all these for some money problem that could get fixed easily, after some days, with any news or messages i give her she was like ok, meh, ok, whatever. for 4 days i really couldn't take it, i didn't pushed her to answer me but i couldn't stand my love being so ignorant like this. after these 4 days i messaged her that "even i hate telling this over whatsapp but i think we better cut it out or maybe be just friends and live our lives now" she just said "ok". i said "this was something good that happened cause if something else happened when we were married who could guess what can happen to our relation!" she just agreed and that was it. we moved on!!?! i wanted to make jealous i followed some girls on instagram that i knew could make her jealous, stopped texting her, showed that i am being kind of OK even tho we just broke up. she also enabled the last seen time in her whatsapp privacy after a day, we didn't message each other for like 3 days straight, and then she messaged me that " i want to say goodbye, we cant be friend after the relation we had, just don't hate and excuse me if i made you sad or said things about you, 3 years of friendship is not that less but sometimes not being is more valuable than being there while being worthless. i delete your number and instagram, hope you do the same, goodbye". then after 1 hr of seeing her message i just answered "OK, bye". after that she just disabled again her last seen ad after like 10 hours enabled it again!

 

Sorry for my terrible English. what should i do now?

i decided to do the no contact thing but is it OK to do it for someone like me?

[saluk]

"i want to say goodbye, we cant be friend after the relation we had, just don't hate and excuse me if i made you sad or said things about you, 3 years of friendship is not that less but sometimes not being is more valuable than being there while being worthless. i delete your number and instagram, hope you do the same, goodbye"

 

She has given you the gift of freedom. I'm sure it stings... but you will never get back together at this point. And knowing that definitively is a good thing that will help you heal. Trying to be friends was just going to add more pain on top of it, dragging things out even more and making it hurt worse. YES on no contact - not to win her back, but to win yourself back.

 

You haven't said much about your back story, it sounds like you really wanted to marry this girl, and she realized you weren't what she wanted. I've been there, and it's really painful. Eventually, I realized that the girl I wanted to be married to was someone I imagined, and wasn't actually the girl I had been dating. I got caught up in the story and excitement of it, rather than seeing her for who she really was. It was an important time of growth for me in my life. You sound pretty emotional like I was - it's OK to be sad. But you can also use this experience to learn to get more of a backbone and respect yourself more.

 

It may help to know where you are from, what your ages are, and how long you were together. Also, your English isn't that bad - just add more paragraphs next time

[fantomlord]

"i want to say goodbye, we cant be friend after the relation we had, just don't hate and excuse me if i made you sad or said things about you, 3 years of friendship is not that less but sometimes not being is more valuable than being there while being worthless. i delete your number and instagram, hope you do the same, goodbye"

 

She has given you the gift of freedom. I'm sure it stings... but you will never get back together at this point. And knowing that definitively is a good thing that will help you heal. Trying to be friends was just going to add more pain on top of it, dragging things out even more and making it hurt worse. YES on no contact - not to win her back, but to win yourself back.

 

You haven't said much about your back story, it sounds like you really wanted to marry this girl, and she realized you weren't what she wanted. I've been there, and it's really painful. Eventually, I realized that the girl I wanted to be married to was someone I imagined, and wasn't actually the girl I had been dating. I got caught up in the story and excitement of it, rather than seeing her for who she really was. It was an important time of growth for me in my life. You sound pretty emotional like I was - it's OK to be sad. But you can also use this experience to learn to get more of a backbone and respect yourself more.

 

It may help to know where you are from, what your ages are, and how long you were together. Also, your English isn't that bad - just add more paragraphs next time

 

Thanks for your kind answer and advice, we are both from Iran, Tehran. and she turned 30 3 month ago and i am going to turn 30 in 5 month (so she is older), we were together for almost 3 years now.

We had Ups and downs just like any other couples, demands and excuses. and we were from different types of families but the important thing that We(I) thought mattered was that we had the same viewpoint to the life. we wanted the same thing from life, had mutual understanding of it and tried to understand and change ourselfs if it was needed. but this time she gave up on waiting for the end result, she just wanted everything to get ready no matter what, she knew i was having a good progress to our goals but she decided that she cant wait for it anymore....

[DanZee]

Well, I think the important point here is that she could turn into a raving lunatic so easily. Do you really want to be married to that? Your life will be a living hell. You may think having this much drama in your life is exciting, but it will get tired really quickly. Find a nice girl. Move on with your life. You don't deserve this.

[abitbroken]

we were going out to buy some suits for me, our families were about to discuss some marriage thing and we were getting ready for that, after searching some stores i though i should bring up a subject that could really upset her, it was about some of my families point of view of the marriage that didn't go on as we wanted them to, long story short buying fancy suit changed to a nightmare,

 

so --- did her family or your family not approve of you getting married? Telling someone this while you were out in public suit shopping is a horrible way to treat a person.

[fantomlord]

we were going out to buy some suits for me, our families were about to discuss some marriage thing and we were getting ready for that, after searching some stores i though i should bring up a subject that could really upset her, it was about some of my families point of view of the marriage that didn't go on as we wanted them to, long story short buying fancy suit changed to a nightmare,

 

so --- did her family or your family not approve of you getting married? Telling someone this while you were out in public suit shopping is a horrible way to treat a person.

 

We had the general approval. But we wanted to speed things up and decided to talk about thing when it wasnt what we should have. It was the role of families to put things to discussion like money related charges and so for a marriage.

We were in the car i told her that i should talk to her anytime and she insisted to tell her whatever thenews are. After telling her so one lead to another and bam....