Lesbian married for 1 year....still no sex!

[Kellybelly]

My partner of 4 years and I decided to get married last year (same sex marriages are legal in Canada) anyway the long and short of it is we haven't been intimate for over two years!

I'm at my wits end. I'm not saying I thought a marriage would magically fix everything, but if anythings it has made things worse. Now she threatens that if I leave she GETS HALF OF EVERYTHING! It was my house she moved into, She hasn't worked for most of our relationship thereforeeee I've been supporting her and now she thinks she should get half?!?!?!

I'm so depressed and sad.

[Iceman26]

That sucks, but why did you marry here if you were getting any nookie? Not getting any in a year should have been a big sign to you, dont you think?

 

My advice to you is to start talking to a lawyer, and see what (if anything) she would be entitled to in case of a divorce.

 

What I am trying to say is that you need to get out of that relationship. It almost sounds like she is trying to make you leave so she can collect half of your earnings. Sorry this happened to you, but you need to make yourself happy, since she isnt making you happy anymore. Good luck.

[RayKay]

My partner of 4 years and I decided to get married last year (same sex marriages are legal in Canada) anyway the long and short of it is we haven't been intimate for over two years!

I'm at my wits end. I'm not saying I thought a marriage would magically fix everything, but if anythings it has made things worse. Now she threatens that if I leave she GETS HALF OF EVERYTHING! It was my house she moved into, She hasn't worked for most of our relationship thereforeeee I've been supporting her and now she thinks she should get half?!?!?!

I'm so depressed and sad.

 

Without a pre-nup, it is very possible the courts would decide on a 50-50 split of everything. However she cannot really be entirely sure of that, as circumstances do play a role - though good lesson to anyone out there - prenups can be very good!

 

I think you are a good example for MANY people on this board who are in a similar situation thinking marriage may change things...it definitely DOES not. Issues such as sexual compatibility, communication, finances, children, ALL need to be discussed before marriage and pre-marital counselling is advised at least in my opinion for most everybody to go through these things. Marriage needs more than love to survive. And sexual compability is important - it is more than just sex, it is also intimacy, a bonding glue that we share with our partner, that allows us to explore one another, please one another, desire one another...it is very special, and does have a lot of importance for many many people (some less, but if you are with someone who does not consider it important, and you do, its a mismatch).

 

 

 

However, in your case that is a bit too late. May I ask why you married her if this was the case? I mean if this was important to you, it should of probably made you think twice about marriage. Have you discussed your intimate life with her and why you are unhappy? Has she done anything to address it? If you have brought it up to her in a non-accusing manner, and she refuses to go to counselling, or a doctor or examine why she is unwilling or has a low sex drive this is definitely NOT fair to you and is selfish too...while you can't force her to be intimate, as your partner she should WANT to work on things like this.

 

I would say if you have tried, and she has refused, you need to decide whether you can live like this forever....and if not....then seek advice from a lawyer before you start filing anything for their input. She might not necessarily get half of EVERYTHING, but half of maybe what was accumulated after the marriage, and she may not get any alimony...so it may not be as bad as she makes it sound. My guess is she is trying to manipulate you by saying that and really does not know the laws very well.

[Day_Walker]

Well as far as her argument about her getting half of everything, I dont know the specific divorce laws in Canada but, its worth doing research if you are considering divorce as an option. The is a problem in the relationship thats why the sex isnt there, you need to decide the severity of the problem then determine what is a plausable solution. Divorce seems like an options because if she is making threats about her getting half of everything then there is a problem. Do your research and come up with a solution.

[DN]

Same sex marriages are legal in canada because the courts said they are under the Human Rights legislation, but Parliament has not yet passed legislation affirming that right, at least not yet. The problem is that the courts have not yet ruled on same-sex divorces. So there is no case law.

 

If the usual divorce laws take effect, she would not get half of everything. You have not been together long enough. Best bet is to see a lawyer.

[Rozanne]

I am a lawyer in Scotland.

 

I don't know what the law is where you are but in Scotland, and most common law jurisdictions, where a marriage has not been consumated it is voidable - this means that there never was any marriage and thereforeeee no divorce is necessary.

 

I'm also not sure how this applies to same-sex marriages but it would be certainly worth your while to get in touch with a lawyer and see if there is any way of getting the marriage declared null and void and then you would be able to keep your house.

 

Hope this helps!

[ghozt]

get a lawer and get her out if shes not putting it out shes probly scamming you out of your home and onther things

[avman]

I agree with Rozanne, there are similar provisions in the US. If you've never had sex, the marriage is completely void. That means there is no divorce, the marriage is just dissolved.

 

However, I don't know if that applies to same sex marriages. Thats a relatively new area and case law is spotty. See an attorney to make sure of your rights.

[DN]

An annulment of a marriage because it is not consummated is obtainable if a) both parties attest to that or b) if contested there is some proof that it was not consummated.

 

I would imagine that proving non-consummation would be tricky in a contested same sex divorce.

[chblueguy]

I agree, if you haven't had sex, then the marriage isn't valid. And if you had the house before, that's not community property. Anything you accumulated during the marriage is only community property. Talk to a Canadian divorce attorney, they would probably know better. Dump her, she's not worth it if she's not giving you any

[UrKrazyOne]

Is the sex the problem? or the divorce that you may go through? My girlfriend and i have sex about once a month and we are not married, and sometimes not even the once a month. But i love her and i try to focus on enjoying the time we spend with each other.