monkeyguy80 Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 So this girl I really like a lot and has told me that she likes me a lot and we have been going out and doing different things but we're not officially dating. I asked her a few weeks ago about dating and her answer was "I'm not ready for anyone right now, I'm not someone who has to always be with someone, but you're a nice guy so I'd date you at some point" Now fast forward to today and out of the blue she just starts talking about how she's weird and doesn't like it when guys like her and also how her last ex wasn't even into her and they ended up together. But that was only because he wasn't pushy or smothering her... I didn't really know what to say... I just let her keep talking and she also mentioned someone who is jealous or clinging is a turn off for her. I'm neither one of those. I don't know why she was saying this stuff? I haven't even mentioned possibly dating her since I asked a few weeks ago. We've just been hanging out more but I've been respectful and haven't pushed at all. But she always seems happy when we're together, she hugs me and we talk but nothing more. I want to be her boyfriend and not just friends. Which is another thing she mentioned today which was that a lot of her guy friends have been that because they started as friends and she now can't see them as anything more and isn't attracted to them. I do not want to fall into this category with her. She knows I like her more then a friend but I don't want to come off as clinging or too pushy so I haven't mentioned anything for a few weeks. How can approach her and be her BF and not get put into the friend zone? Link to comment
FirstDates Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 I think in your shoes I would tell her that you really enjoy hanging out with her but that it feels almost like dating without the commitment. In a lot of cases girls will ‘use’ you (not necessarily with conscious thought or malice intention) to be like a stand in boyfriend. You are emotionally there but you aren’t actually her boyfriend. It isn’t fair to you but also doesn’t give her the opportunity to miss you. Why would she change the status if she is getting everything she wants from a boyfriend from you without any commitment? Tell her that you’ve got pull back because your starting to want more than she is able to commit to right now. Link to comment
Keyman Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 Yep, what FirstDates said. I think she has clearly told you where you stand and that she does not see you as dating material, but she also likes having you around as the placeholder until someone comes along that sweeps her off her feet. And when that happens you will be devastated. I do not think you are going to be anything more with this girl, so my suggestion would be to wish her well and walk away. By staying friends with her, you are simply not allowing yourself to be open to other options Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 It sounds like she thinks of you as her uncle's business partner and coworker. Maybe she's being friendly, but dating guys. It seems you have a crush on her and you are somehow "dating" her in your own mind. Link to comment
SGH Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 She sounds like a person who goes for avoidant men, which really is not in her favor. If she's only attracted to guys that act like they don't like her than she has some emotional issues to work out. Either way, she's made it pretty clear where she stands with you. At the end of the day, if what you want is a relationship with her and that's not on the table, don't stick around and cause yourself unnecessary pain by trying to be her "friend". Link to comment
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