Aren’t we getting sick of this?

[Herderp]

I’ve been hanging around on this forum for quite a few weeks. I try to find solace in what once was. Despretly searching for that awnser that would fix anything, but never would i get the awnser i wanted.

 

This girl i knew, i was so very fond of, disappeared from my life after all the stuff we went trough. Yes i want her back but, no. It wont happen, ever. Period.

 

I cried and still miss her, but “getting back together” after fullfilling that magic no-contact rule will result in only more head/heartage. Every day i feel a little bit better. Coming to terms with myself and i ask myself. Do i really..... REALLY want her back?

 

My feelings are numb but all over the place. I’ve changed for the better, but did i really do? What would really happen after she text me, asking for reconcilation?

 

You can’t go back. Never. Only move forward. I only can imagine more fights will happen in the future. No more love, only more complaints about so very little stuff...

 

I find it hard to realize, that every one in this forum is chasing the dragon. Trying to find what they want most. But when you think about it. What is is that you really want the most? It is peace, my love. Peace only can give you what you want. It does not come from your spous. It comes from within.

 

I feel for you, those who are in the search for awnsers, but it won’t happen. You have to completely let go in order to have what you want the most.

 

Peace.

[SGH]

True. No contact isn't really to get back together with someone. Cutting yourself off to manipulate the person rarely works. If reconciliation is your desire, communication is necessary. It's just that most of the time, the person who ended the relationship doesn't want to work on it. They want it to be over.

 

Sounds like you've made some major progress towards moving forward and getting over it. Stick to no contact, but do it for yourself.

[singingstick]

I'm completely astounded at the staggering number of people who are on this quest to get back with their ex. Things dont work for out for reason. If you're really honest with yourself, wouldn't you rather be with someone who's compatible? You were used to her and the way she treated you, but the bottom line is, it ended for a reason. It's best to follow no contact and move on.

[melancholy123]

I'm completely astounded at the staggering number of people who are on this quest to get back with their ex. Things dont work for out for reason. If you're really honest with yourself, wouldn't you rather be with someone who's compatible? You were used to her and the way she treated you, but the bottom line is, it ended for a reason. It's best to follow no contact and move on.

 

I so agree with this. You'd think there were only a handful of people on this planet and if you break up with someone, there's nobody else left to choose from! Wrong! There's millions of people out there. Quit dwelling on the past, get yourself together, move on.

[Cope]

To be honest, this part of the forum is where most of us came only to get our "hopes" euthanized and it's one of the best things that has happened to us. I don't see so many people really wanting to get back with their exes after their initial thread. There are only a few cases that still "chase the dragon" and even fewer that actually capture it.

 

After a break up many of us googled "how to get back my ex" and stumbled upon all those articles that say NC is the way to go, only to wind up here and find the true meaning of NC which is to heal and move on.

 

You indeed seem to have progressed well and it get's even better down the line, congratulations!

[Doc Blaze]

I would admit i was one of those people. i searched online for hours, youtube clues vids etc only to have my heart crushed again.

 

i believe some of us have to learn the hard way. Someone told me that the last string of hope, that last thought in the back of your

 

head is the hardest to let go of. I actually got my ex back, things were going awesome. went on for another year and half

only to have things go back to being horrible like the first break up.

 

This last time i really told myself its over and believed it. my ex actually reached out drunk a few times and sober a few times

and i turned her down.

 

since finally letting go of the relationship and her ive been feeling so much better. I havent been this happy in years

and i am single. that should tell you something...

[Keyman]

I'm completely astounded at the staggering number of people who are on this quest to get back with their ex. Things dont work for out for reason. If you're really honest with yourself, wouldn't you rather be with someone who's compatible? You were used to her and the way she treated you, but the bottom line is, it ended for a reason. It's best to follow no contact and move on.

 

This is the first defined phase of any breakup: Denial.

 

Yes, it is very common for people to come here seeking advice on getting the status quo back in their relationship and it has been commonly our jobs to make them see the light. People are often not prepared for the change, not ready or just don't want it. They want the normal, because they were at some level happy.

 

Once we can break them out of that phase, they can start the healing process.

[Herderp]

I've read this on reddit, a few years back

 

Most times you broke up for a reason -- and it was unilateral. One of you likely feels jilted. And that type of resentment festers and is difficult to let go. That resentment just sits and infects most times. That's why you don't get back together.

 

And thats just it.

 

Within the first few stages of acceptance, emotions are running high, people are in denail and the biochemical distribution in their brain will run 24/7 around the clock. The more eager one is willing to try and find out how to approach an successful reconciliation, the more they will find themselves dwelling trough a downward mental spiral, trying to connect the dots and to find a workaround on what has happened, based on given information and their feelings. Most of the time that information contradict to their authentic believes which in return renders a toxic pattern of thoughts, resulting in a split of their own inner self-awareness and the outside reality. People in such an emotional state of mind often describe themselves as being anxious, paranoid and delusional. In severe cases Freud would diagnose this loss of sanity as schizophrenia, hence your ex would ask themselves how to deal with their psycho ex.

 

Once you've realized and acknowledged this reality is not healty to cling on to, you automatically tend to shift toward your next phase, which is giving up and letting go. You feel the same pain over and over again everyday, but that will eventually delute. New experiences will manifest and they will over time replace the old feelings you had toward your ex. You still remember, you still can feel, but you also realize you have not talked to eachother for over a long period. Then you start to wonder about what happened to them and also realize they had the same pack of emotions running trough their system, after they broke off with you. You start to emphatize and sympathize and again gain a moment of lingering to contact her/him to let him/her know.

 

Cutting off contact is best for both parties in order to move on.

[ZHPpilot1]

I’ve been hanging around on this forum for quite a few weeks. I try to find solace in what once was. Despretly searching for that awnser that would fix anything, but never would i get the awnser i wanted.

 

This girl i knew, i was so very fond of, disappeared from my life after all the stuff we went trough. Yes i want her back but, no. It wont happen, ever. Period.

 

I cried and still miss her, but “getting back together” after fullfilling that magic no-contact rule will result in only more head/heartage. Every day i feel a little bit better. Coming to terms with myself and i ask myself. Do i really..... REALLY want her back?

 

My feelings are numb but all over the place. I’ve changed for the better, but did i really do? What would really happen after she text me, asking for reconcilation?

 

You can’t go back. Never. Only move forward. I only can imagine more fights will happen in the future. No more love, only more complaints about so very little stuff...

 

I find it hard to realize, that every one in this forum is chasing the dragon. Trying to find what they want most. But when you think about it. What is is that you really want the most? It is peace, my love. Peace only can give you what you want. It does not come from your spous. It comes from within.

 

I feel for you, those who are in the search for awnsers, but it won’t happen. You have to completely let go in order to have what you want the most.

 

Peace.

 

 

 

Well said very well said, I'm on the same boat but every day is a better one. I won't lie after seeing things from this perspective I don't think I want her back. However it still doesn't make it easier to move on, I mean you just gotta do you. I workout, go out and drink alot and try to socialize with new people, it's all you can really do. I went to Nordstrom and dropped about $2000 on new clothes and shoes and I know it's a temporary solution but I won't lie I feel awesome when I'm out and about with my new gear on. Try to do what works for you.

[ZHPpilot1]

To be honest, this part of the forum is where most of us came only to get our "hopes" euthanized and it's one of the best things that has happened to us. I don't see so many people really wanting to get back with their exes after their initial thread. There are only a few cases that still "chase the dragon" and even fewer that actually capture it.

 

After a break up many of us googled "how to get back my ex" and stumbled upon all those articles that say NC is the way to go, only to wind up here and find the true meaning of NC which is to heal and move on.

 

You indeed seem to have progressed well and it get's even better down the line, congratulations!

 

Cope, I have to be honest I don't know you but your replies are always spot on. I assume it's from experience or you must be some kind of therapist. Either way, I'm sure I speak for others as well, you are doing God's work on here as you help sooth broken hearts onto their next relationship. It's like you ferry wounded souls across the river of dread until the point were hope is dimly visible. Keep it up!!