Was I abusive?

[reinventmyself]

I read a lot of this.. not all.

 

And as far as feeling sorry for yourself. I think if this is a new revelation (your parents) there is that period of acceptance and grieving.

The point here is to work through this. Don't let people tell you otherwise. Work through it, feel the grief and then don't get stuck there. Move forward and learn from it.

 

It's not an excuse for your actions, but you've acknowledged that already.

I admire your introspection. Acknowledgement is half the battle.

[boltnrun]

Did you tell your therapist about the throwing things down/breaking things while you were angry with your girlfriend? Did you mention that you called her the "C" word more than once?

 

If not, why did you leave that out?

[Broken77]

Can you explain why you think you've possibly manipulated your therapist?

 

The reason why I'm wondering that is because, I didn't realize that I was hurting my ex when I actually was. I could see only my hurt. So now I'm just wondering if I'm manipulating my therapist and I have probably gotten so good at it that I don't even realize.

 

And no I've told her every single thing I've mentioned in this post and actually even more.

[Broken77]

Did you tell your therapist about the throwing things down/breaking things while you were angry with your girlfriend? Did you mention that you called her the "C" word more than once?

 

If not, why did you leave that out?

 

Boltrun,

 

I never called my ex the C word. I called her a b.it.ch thrice during the course of the relationship.

Yes I told the therapist all about calling her that, about breaking her sunglasses and tearing the picture collage she'd made of mine.

The therapist says I've anger issues and I need to work on that (I already am actually), but she's not defining it as abuse. She said abusers are controlling and she felt I wasn't controlling.

 

It is true that I didn't feel like I controlled the course of our relationship. My ex was very dominating, that has always been a fact.

[Broken77]

Actually, I have a question for you Boltrun.

 

Why did you feel like generalizing that statement? The one where you ask me about breaking things, throwing things? I broke her sunglasses just once, didn't break anything else. I tore the picture collage just once.

 

It's interesting, because she also generalized and made a similar statement during our breakup. She told me I break stuff, as in something that I regularly do, which isn't true at all. Just wondering.

[Broken77]

I read a lot of this.. not all.

 

And as far as feeling sorry for yourself. I think if this is a new revelation (your parents) there is that period of acceptance and grieving.

The point here is to work through this. Don't let people tell you otherwise. Work through it, feel the grief and then don't get stuck there. Move forward and learn from it.

 

It's not an excuse for your actions, but you've acknowledged that already.

I admire your introspection. Acknowledgement is half the battle.

 

Thank you for reading some of it,I know it is very long.

 

I'd begun writing it over a week when I started. I wanted it all out and wanted to either, stop loving my ex or begin making some serious changes in my life.

 

I always knew about my father being abusive. That's the reason why we don't share a dad and son relationship really. But the mom part set me back quite a bit, especially because I thought of her as the only good thing from my past. To know and accept that, even she had a bad influence on my life (although unknowingly?) makes life seem really scary, complicated. In a weird sort of way, I wish my ex were around to help me through this. The day I read abitbroken's post on here about the "emotional I..." part, I almost wanted to talk to my ex. I guess I just wanted someone to validate that I was normal and that things will be normal. Also because only my ex knows about my past in this whole world at the moment, besides all you strangers.

 

But the "she dodged a bullet" held me back. It wasn't worth more pain. I'm still going to continue therapy. I just wish there were some sort of dating app for people like me, then dating someone from there should feel more like equals...

[Wiseman2]

Terrorizing people with raging and tantrums and property damage IS controlling. That's the whole point of doing it.

I told the therapist about breaking her sunglasses and tearing the picture collage she'd made of mine. The therapist says I've anger issues and she's not defining it as abuse. She said abusers are controlling and she felt I wasn't controlling

[Broken77]

Yeah that's another way of looking at it I guess. Actually I felt as though, I did it cause she was hurting me over and over and I didn't know how to hurt her back, except like this. It overwhelmed me, the hurt.

[Wiseman2]

So you damaged her stuff because you are the victim?

I didn't know how to hurt her back, except like this. It overwhelmed me, the hurt.

[Broken77]

I know you're probably asking this more sarcastically.. And I don't blame you, everyone asks it in that fashion..

 

I don't know if it felt like a victim, because I loved her and I didn't think of anyone as a victim. I was just protecting myself, I felt in pain with the hurt. That's what it felt like.