I was harsh during the break up

[Interrobang]

My ex and I dated for 10 months and we were on and off LDR for most of it. She’s a high school senior and I’m a college freshman. We were really happy when we were together and it was great first semester. Our good byes were always teary and we made sure we left it on a high note. Second semester: we started to grow distant for some reason. We didn’t know what to talk about and it was really hard to keep a conversation escpecially when her anxiety and depression would kick in. It was scary because one moment she would be happy and the other she would be crying and would tell me she feels really lonely and is doubting our relationship. She said I make her really happy and that she doesn’t to lose me but she thought that in 4 years we were talking about moving to different states and who knows what if I will regret being with her. I mean I understand her that the future is uncertain and we can’t make any promises that we can’t keep. I always assured her that I loved her and I would bare the distance for her. Her anxiety and depression kept getting worse and right before my spring break she broke it off saying she need to work on herself before she takes on anything serious. I understand why she’s going through and all and she needs someone physically to feel secure. I left her in peace and we agreed to stay friends and see if we could work on it in the future but the LDR won’t work for her. It’s been 2 months and I’ve been hurting a lot because I found out that she likes another guy who she’s tried hiding from me and keeps telling me that he’s just a friend. I got drunk a couple of times and I called/texted her saying mean things. My words cut her deep because it was coming from someone she thought highly of. I’ve went NC now for 2 weeks and it’s helping me move on. I know that we’re not together anymore and that she had valid reasons to break it off but I can’t help but think she left me for this other guy. I wanna apologize to her formally once summer starts and ask for forgiveness again because she is really mad at me right now. I’mr really trying to move on and date other people and keep the door open for reconciliation if it ever happens in a few years or whenever. What do you guys think? Have I messed up with her completely? Do you think I still have a chance? She’s told me to leave her alone and that I’ve made her think about killing herself before.

[ThatwasThen]

You're both thinking of moving to different States, she's got mental issues to work on, she's not going to be a good partner to anyone if she has anxiety and depression unless she's getting therapy to help her overcome those issues.

 

Its hard right now but as time goes on, you'll be glad you didn't get any further involved with someone who needs such caretaking. If you decide to write a letter apologizing for your emotional outburst, I suggest to just keep it to your apology, no excuses given why you reacted that way... just that you're sorry. and don't expect her to respond. She may or she may not. She doesn't have to accept your apology, that's her choice to do or not. You however can rest your mind on it knowing that you have apologized and that's all you can do.

 

You'll be fine in time and accepting that breaking up was in your best interest.

 

Feel better soon.

[MissCanuck]

Honestly, OP, in a few years you likely won't even be thinking about her anymore. You (and she) are entering new phases of your lives and you will both change a lot in the next few years. The reality is that you will both probably wind up going in different directions as your life, studies and eventually your jobs develop.

 

Perhaps you were harsh, yes, but I don't think this ruined your chances. She was already out the door and test-driving someone else.

[Interrobang]

You’re right everything is gonna be alright. We’re gonna date new people and we might forget about one another by the end of our college journeys. I’m trying my best to move on. We live in the same town and I’m going back for the summer so I’ll try to apologize in person. Be friendly not friends.