Odd Facebook behavior. Narcissist?

[sunshineten]

A friend of mine has been going through a rough time lately and not feeling good about himself. He's always had some Facebook posts where he's referred to himself in the 3rd person, but he's doing it a lot more lately. Also, he posted a long story about an experience he had and uncharacteristically used a lot of profanity. He's in his 50s and I believe has low self esteem. What's with the weird behavior?

[smackie9]

He's been drinking.

 

Is there a way you can approach him about it without coming off as being too pushy for info. Sounds like he needs someone to talk to.

 

A guy I knew from high school did the same thing for months. A lot of people stopped following him because of his rude comments on FB. He ended up committing suicide.

[sunshineten]

I've never known him to drink a lot. I guess I could ask him. I flat out asked him if he was depressed once, but of course he denied it.

[smackie9]

He's probably going to deny that he's been drinking too. Maybe not ask him about the drinking, but lend a few words of support or offer him to come to you if he wants to vent, lend an ear, right? Say you will be there for him no matter what. You can't push people like that or they will push you away.

[sunshineten]

I can do that. It's like he seeks confirmation from FB that he's alright/normal. He even contacted me before he posted the weird story, asking me to check it out (he didn't realize I had actually seen and commented positively on it, although it did throw me off a bit).

[smackie9]

Be careful about responding to those weird posts....sometimes it enables the behavior.

[sunshineten]

Yeah, I've just stopped commenting on his stuff period although we're still FB friends. The third person references (ex: he's a coach and will refer to himself " Your favorite Coach xxx" before he brags or he refers to himself by his first and last name), is bothersome...probably comes off as arrogance from those who don't know his personal issues

[DanZee]

Referring to yourself in the third person reveals he's under stress. I would guess he's suffering from depression. You can help him by taking him out, maybe go fishing or hunting or hiking. He needs to get out of his rut and into the sunshine. You didn't give a lot of details, such as what his weird story was about, so that's about all I can say at the moment.

[sunshineten]

The weird story was about digging several of his neighbors out from a snowstorm. He talked down about pretty much all of them, and he used slang/bad grammar from his hometown (which gets considerably more snow than we do in the town where he lives now) again, with the uncharacteristic profanity and finishes up the post by saying only an intelligent writer can use bad grammar intentionally.

[Wiseman2]

How do you know him? Do you hang out in real life? It's extremely difficult to interpret fb posts. Does he have friends and family he is close to? Is he usually full of himself?

[sunshineten]

We used to date. I neglected to reveal that part. I'm trying to keep my distance, but part of him breaking up with me I believe was related to stress and depression. He did ask me out recently, but I refused because he was just doing it because he was lonely or wanted to hang out with me, but not to get back together. I'm not ready for that yet...if ever. He's a social person, but he doesn't really hang out with a lot of friends outside of the sport he plays. He has some family in nearby towns, but most of his family is out of state. He can act entitled sometimes.

[Wiseman2]

How long did you date? What was the breakup about? The best thing you can do is block and delete him from your social media and do not try to fix or analyze him or his every fb musing. You may convince yourself that he has mental defects, but not every breakup is about that. It may be best to get over him and start talking to and meeting healthier men. Speaking in the third person (illeism) is often associated with egocentric personally disorders, such as narcissism.

We used to date. I'm trying to keep my distance, but part of him breaking up with me I believe was related to stress and depression. He did ask me out recently, but I refused because he was just doing it because he was lonely or wanted to hang out with me, but not to get back together.He can act entitled sometimes.

[sunshineten]

We dated for almost a year. That's why I didn't want to disclose the we're exes. It's beyond our past, and I'm just concerned about his mental state. The breakup was primarily about his inability to provide for me and his low self-esteem, the latter of which is manifested in these posts. I'm getting over him just fine, not trying to pursue anything more with him (even though he recently apologized for his behavior toward me, told me there was no one else out there for him, etc., blah, blah, blah), but in a way I feel sorry for him. If indeed he is a narcissist, then that is a mental defect, and the breakup would be about that. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but we had a great relationship so it was all his doing. His mom still contacts me from time to time. I think she (and most of his family) appreciate the role I played in his life, but I think that part also makes him feel inadequate.

[Wiseman2]

It seems this is what all this fb concern is about:

02-22-2018: My ex-boyfriend broke up with me after ten months.Said he was no longer in love with me but still loved me and wanted to be lifelong friends. I still want him back but I have not contacted him since he last texted me five days ago.

[sunshineten]

Wiseman2, No that's not it at all. We've talked, seen each other since then and like I said getting over him just fine. If I wanted to see him today I would and could, but it wouldn't be the way I want.

The erratic posts came after that quote you posted, and although I had some minor concerns when we dated about his mental state, the erratic behavior is a more recent concern. If you're going to quote me, you need to quote it all. Just because we're not together, doesn't mean I want him to go downhill. What would me wanting or not wanting him back have to do with me noticing uncharacteristically weird behavior? I don't know what your experiences with your exes are, but we're respectful and concerned for each other. So because I wanted him back at one time I made up his recent behavior? You need to think before you respond next time.

[MissCanuck]

Meh, he sounds like he's angry at the world and using social media to puff himself up. That's all I take from it. If it's bothersome, I would unfollow him so you don't see his activity.

 

His posts alone are not enough to indicate a disordered personality, though.

[sunshineten]

Makes sense...angry and depressed. It just doesn't seem to get any better.

[MissCanuck]

Makes sense...angry and depressed. It just doesn't seem to get any better.

 

And some people are perpetually like this. It's frustrating to watch, but there's not much you can do.

 

Do your best to separate yourself from it so you're not an audience to his rants. Given that it doesn't appear to be directed at you, and he doesn't appear to want your help, I would ignore it.

[sunshineten]

And he's probably going to go on a rant again...I just heard one of the teams he's coaching lost their last game and are now the worst team in the county.

[MissCanuck]

And he's probably going to go on a rant again...I just heard one of the teams he's coaching lost their last game and are now the worst team in the county.

 

More than likely, yes.

 

And it's precisely for this reason that I would unfollow him on social media. You don't need a front-row seat to his negativity and attention-seeking antics.

[sunshineten]

More than likely, yes.

 

And it's precisely for this reason that I would unfollow him on social media. You don't need a front-row seat to his negativity and attention-seeking antics.

 

So, we're still FB friends, although we don't really comment on each other's stuff (well, I don't really post now). He went on a mini rant, not too bad, where he shared an old FB memory and basically bragged about himself. It looks like less of his friends acknowledged it, and I certainly didn't.

 

Anyway, we've still been talking, and honestly I'm using him for emotional support as much as he may be using me. We have an interest in common that lends itself to extensive conversation and we talk often about what's going on in each other's lives. He asked me out to a sporting event where we would most likely run into mutual friends, but there wasn't a great turnout, so we went to dinner instead and of course, in my weakness, I slept with him again. This time I spent the night and he held me in his arms all night long like he used to, but I still feel empty inside. It's not healthy for either one of us. I've tried to move on (something else we talked about), but I haven't found anyone that has the many positive qualities that he does. He shared with me that a few weeks ago he was feeling particularly lonely/horny and tried to meet someone for a "booty call" by setting up an online profile, but the fish weren't biting, so to speak (he wasn't crass or direct or even hinting at the booty call in the profile). LOL. He even showed me what he wrote in his profile when I asked, and I had to laugh because he is so not the booty call type at all. So, anyway, he's made it clear that he has no one in his life. The sporting event and future events that he may come to to support me are still going to give the appearance that we are close to our mutual friends (some know about the breakup, some still do not), but his depression comes before anything. I mentioned an event he's supposed to go to in a few years and he said he might not even be here (as in be alive). It made me feel so sad to hear him talk like that.