Baby momma drama

[Thokosizo]

So I'm a 26yr old lady, my boyfriend and I met 31 Dec 2017 so we've been together exactly 3months. When we met his baby was only 16 days old of which he was open and honest about from the start. I asked him about the situation with the baby momma and he said they broke up before she found out she was pregnant so when she told him the news, they decided to co-parent and not force a romantic rship for the sake of the baby.

So the baby momma lives in another province with the baby so he drives there once in a while to see the baby for a day. Its an hour 30min drive, so he drives there and back on the same day.

So here is my issue, last week he told me he wants to fetch the baby who is now 3 n a half months old, to spend the weekend with him. The catch is that the baby momma apparently also has to come because the baby breastfeeds and since he's still too young, he won't be able to sleep at night. My problem is that my boyfriend lives with his mother and grandmother who both have experience with babies and can help him with the baby. Also if breastfeeding is the issue then the baby momma can always use a breast pump n send the milk, she doesn't have to come along. I am not a mother myself so maybe that's why Im having trouble understanding.

So I raised my concerns to my bf about having the baby momma come over because they have a 3yr history and I'm not comfortable with that since I've only been his gf for 3months. He's told me before that I shouldn't worry because he'd never leave me for her or anyone but still I feel uneasy because he's expressed that she wants to get back together with him. I asked him if he told her about me and he said no because fears she might deny him from seeing the baby out of spite that he has moved on.

Now when I told him how I feel, he got upset and said he feels like I don't trust him or support him and that i can't expect him to choose between me and his son, of which I never said or implied that.

Now I don't know what to think or do. I love my boyfriend and he's been nothing but great to me for the past 3 months. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I'd hate to find out that I've been the 3rd wheel all along. Am I overreacting about this??

[Buddylove]

I have two kids and a decent relationship with my ex.. My gf has had major issues with that, first to insecurity and she asked well thinks my ex wants me back.. But remember who cares if she wants him back... He is with you. How long have they been apart? This issue has ruined our relationship and is just about over as you can see by my post. M so I would suggest if you love him go talk with a therapist and find ways to deal with it.. My gf didn't and I've been asking forever. His ex will be around forever. If nothing inappropriate has happened then trust him. If your on is case all the time it won't workout at all.

[DanZee]

I don't think you understand or your boyfriend wasn't clear on the purpose of the visit. This visit is for his mother and grandmother to see the baby and spend some time with him. Family is important for the baby and so is bonding with the baby. Also what your boyfriend told you about custody fears are true. If the baby momma is possessive and vindictive, she can try to withhold visits and then the courts will have to get involved.

 

So just calm down about this visit. You're going to have to share your boyfriend because he has a baby in his life and there's a baby momma too. You have to get use to it. This is the wrong time to get jealous and possessive and make it about yourself. Take a deep breath and relax. You'll get through the weekend OK and you're not going to lose your boyfriend.

[Thokosizo]

They've been apart for almost a year now.

I am very insecure I won't lie. But is it wrong of me to expect alil more reassurance?

[itsallgrand]

Why does he only have visitation and not shared custody?

Is anything in writing through the courts or is it all being done under the table?

[Wiseman2]

12 weeks of dating is not long enough to bother sticking this out with so many problems already. You may have been installed to have sex with while his gf was pregnant/post natal. She can't prevent his right to see his child, so he's playing you.

we've been together exactly 3months. When we met his baby was only 16 days old. she wants to get back together with him. fears she might deny him from seeing the baby out of spite

[purplepaisley]

Pumping is not necessarily easy, and it takes a lot of work to build up milk storage. It's unreasonable to expect a breast feeding mother to leave her baby for two-three days, or even a day. I don't know if she works, and if she does, she might be okay with a day, but not okay with a day and travel, and at three months, she might still be on leave from work. These three are a package deal. The mother isn't going anywhere and is going to be a constant part of your life, as is the child who will be your boyfriend's top priority. It doesn't matter if she wants to get back together, your boyfriend states he's done with the relationship and you either have to trust him on that or move on. There are no guarantees and it's an obvious risk that they could reconcile. I understand how you're feeling, but there's not much you can do about it. Even in the absence of a mother and child, there's the risk of boyfriends leaving and breaking up.

 

You need to consider your future. This baby will some day be spending weekends and holidays and summer vacations with his dad, and he'll be on full daddy duty, and you will take on the role of stepmother, and all it entails. Are you prepared to raise this child? Are you prepared to have to deal with the child's mother? Are you okay with your family income going to this child in the form of child support and other costs associated with child rearing? Do you want your own children, and does your boyfriend, and how will you blend the family, and will you love and care for this child like your own? You have a lot to consider, and three months into this relationship, you're upset that the mother of a breastfeeding infant will accompany her child to visit the grandparents. I agree, you may wish to seek counseling to work through your emotions and expectations because this situation isn't going to go away. When the child is older, the mother won't have to come along, but she's a part of the picture forever, and the child isn't just some background noise.

[Dorisday320]

At 26, do you want to be involved with a man with a baby? Nothing wrong if you do but at your age, you shouldn’t have to deal with any baby momma drama. You have to realize that his baby will always be number one and that the baby momma will use that to her advantage. Be okay with the weekend visit and see how it goes. If your relationship continues to blossom, he will eventually have to tell the mother about you. Right now, it’s too soon. He probably wants to see how you handle this whole baby momma issue. I’d be cool about it. The baby won’t be on breastmilk for long. Good luck