AlexSays Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Hey guys so I have been posting here for a while now and it was so incredibly helpful so I want to vent a little I guess and get some advice on how to break out of this funk. Me and my ex dated for a year. It was toxic for both of us. We broke up because he broke my trust in the beginning and I never truly forgave him and then I broke his trust. Anyway we have been NC since November and I have actually been doing great. I worked on myself and my goals. Literally the whole the best revenge is a good life? That’s me. I accomplished so many goals since the break up. Published a book, traveled to 6 countries since November, art career on the rise, volunteering, lost weight. I don’t want my ex back or anything and would never go back to him. The problem is that these past few days... I’ve been missing my ex so much. It started when I logged into my old SC to get photos of my trip to Europe and I scrolled down and saw all our pictures. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I stared crying. He hurt me a lot and I also hurt him a lot. I made a new SC after we broke up because I just had too many pics of us to delete them all so I just made a new one and have been using it since we broke up. The last time we talked he approached me to apologize and say he regrets saying he wants me out of his life and realized that’s not what he’s wanted. I kept my cool and said I forgave him but don’t want anything to do with him. We squashed everything but I kept NC after. This happened in January. Both me and my ex are seeing new people and idk him but with my new relationship it’s going great. He’s an amazing guy and we see a future together, are even planning a trip together in August. I like him a lot and we are going the right direction. How do I deal with the sudden nostalgia? What does it mean? How to push past it? Link to comment
AlexSays Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 I forgot to add that we broke up in September but kept on and off contact until November (hooking up and stuff). Link to comment
Roughpatchsw Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I had this after a 6 year relationship ended. I was with someone who was great and found an external HD and when looking through it found a huge folder of pictures. I made mistake of being evasive about why sad at first. When I came clean about that it was because found all these memories and it was jolt and made me sad she asked if I wanted to get back with them and I truthfully said no I wanted to build something better with her. And it strengthened things as it wasn't a competition but a partnership then. Ironically it ended later because one of her exes re-emerged into her life and sowed chaos with us, her friends, her family... If it comes up I suggest being honest with new partner, but not going into too much detail. Nostalgia is a human condition not a flaw unique to a few. It being an ex is tricky in a new relationship, but mourning the loss and then focusing on future helped me. Not sure if that helps as it was just my experience and we are all different. Hope it passes soon! Link to comment
Roughpatchsw Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Also congrats on getting published! I am publishing my first after June sometime. Depends on best launch date. It is a good feeling. That is something to be really proud of. Link to comment
AlexSays Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 THANK you so much! It was a great feeling. This is actually the second book I get published along with many other mini (maganzines and school papers) publishments of my artwork. I truly do hope it passes soon. I have zero intentions of contacting or seeing him and even less intentions of considering rekindling. I like my new man way more. I am 24 and he was 22 but he was extremely immature for his age and I am very mature for mine. It was an intense relationship, hot & cold. I now feel like I confused love with passion. Seeing the pics again made me wonder that again... Which is why I’m wondering why it hit me so hard when I saw those pictures and hear certain songs. The memories are so vivid... Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 You're still healing, that is ok. It will come and go for a while,sometimes you completely fine and once in a while some sadness or memories hit you. Just focus on the present and future and remind yourself you are where you want to be and it will pass. I think it's normal to sometimes feel a bit sad about past things but just keep moving forwards. Link to comment
Young mind Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 You're still healing, that is ok. It will come and go for a while,sometimes you completely fine and once in a while some sadness or memories hit you. Just focus on the present and future and remind yourself you are where you want to be and it will pass. I think it's normal to sometimes feel a bit sad about past things but just keep moving forwards. Exactly! Healing isn't linear but acceptance is a huge part of it, acceptance that the dreams/nightmares, memories you may have once in a while are only triggers of past events which can't be deleted but only recycled , this is why they come in cycles, when you look at something that brings back those memories, erasing such triggers helps. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Sometimes after a breakup we can go into a protective bubble of high achievement. At some point, the bubble bursts and we're left to deal with the leftover grief we couldn't process any earlier. It sucks, but it's natural. Head high, you can do this. Link to comment
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