Bungaro Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Hello everyone! I am asking that how can one stop the urge to contact her ex? I know there were things that I messed up and I would bargain, tell her that I would treat her better but In my mind I know it's late. I really want to get back together. Link to comment
wgmitch Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Bungaro, The only way to stop the urge is to realize it will not help the situation, maybe hurt it. How long was your relationship? How long have you been broken up? Have you started no contact? Link to comment
Bungaro Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 We have been together for 3 years, it has been 2 week since last contact (me bargaining) and 3 weeks since break up. She didn't contact me before, I did it always, but now she is blocked. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Accept that feeling the urge is just part of the process. Can you find a `break up buddy'? A friend that you can call when you feel the urge. Sometimes just breaking the cycle and talking to someone else helps. Keep busy. I delete numbers and any means of contact. I am still tempted but in the time that it would take me to a work around, I've talked myself out of it. Because most times I did it, it was in an impulsive moment and what might feel like relief (contacting them) for a few seconds, ends up being days or weeks of regret. Link to comment
wgmitch Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 We have been together for 3 years, it has been 2 week since last contact (me bargaining) and 3 weeks since break up. She didn't contact me before, I did it always, but now she is blocked. Three years is a significant relationship and it's going to be tough to stay no contact, but it sounds like you tried the alternative and that didn't work. It may be best to just tell yourself that you will only push her away and make the situation worse by contacting her. Go no contact for you. It's time to start working on you. If there was some outstanding issue that was discussed think about it, work on it and then move on. Do not beat yourself up about what you should have done better. There is plenty of information on the web about no contact and how affective it can be for both sides. No contact will start a healing process that can have both parties starting to forget the bad parts of the relationship. None of this is easy and the break up is new, so you may have a bumpy road ahead. Get out there and stay active. Eat right, exercise, join a club a church and seek therapy if you start to feel depressed and anxious. We've all been through what you are feeling now so reach out to talk or vent if needed. Mitch Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 " because she can't live her life with dating only one person" She said that she wants to date other people. Are you okay with an open relationship? If not, you need to block and delete this woman. Nothing has changed. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Just realize you MUST respect her wishes. "No" means "no", not "ask me again" or "keep asking me" or "bring me flowers". It means "no". Now, get out there with friends and have some fun. I don't mean dating (not a good idea). I mean do what you and your buddies always do for fun. And leave your phone at home or in the car, powered down. And avoid alcohol! One thing that exes do NOT want is a drunken call or text from their ex! Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Exercise helps to diminish the urge. When you get the urge, go for a run or lift some weights at the gym. After 20 minutes you feel better, and won't need to send that text. Link to comment
ShareHope Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Sorry about the break-up, it is always hard. Life as you know it has changed and it takes time to adjust.....it is finding a "new normal" as we don't realize how big and small things change. Feeling the urge to make contact or make things right is understandable....we all go through that. We have regret, we feel hurt, we feel lonely. You might want to consider if contacting her now would really help. Not much growth or change has really happened for either one of you. You might want to use this time to spend time with yourself, reflecting on what you did well and what you would do differently. This will help you understand yourself better and perhaps move yourself closer to the man you want to be. When it gets really hard, do something positive to change your course....whether that be to call someone you trust, hang out with a friend, go for a run, watch a movie, etc. It will happen but the frequency and intensity should lessen as time goes on. If this relationship is meant to be, it will happen. For now, let the healing take place for both of you. If it gets so hard that you can't deal with it, think about seeing a professional counselor to work through the feelings you are experiencing. I wish you the best. Link to comment
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