Ex bf , mixed signals, already dating another girl, stringng me along?

[Ineedhelp123]

We recently broke up , and my ex is already hanging out with another girl and flying her down and recently going on vacation together right after. He was still reaching out to me saying he wanted to get back as he was spending time with her. ( I saw her video posts and saw him in them). I changed my number. I confronted him before and he said she was just a friend, why was he lying to me about this ? He said one thing like he still wants a relationship, but acts another. I still love him so I’m doing NC. He wanted to break up and said he loved me so much and I was the one he wanted to get married and make me his wife. Then he told me to live a little and only time will tell after 1-2 months we won’t be stressed from our relationshp and I’ll understand what he means by that. I’m confused with his mixed signals. He told me that later on if I found someone and they were the one , to let him know if not then maybe we can try again. I’m confused to what he’s trying to tell me. Maybe he’s seeing this other girl but doesn’t know if she likes him so he’s stringing me along ?

[MissCanuck]

Maybe he’s seeing this other girl but doesn’t know if she likes him so he’s stringing me along ?

Maybe? No. Definitely.

 

Stop communicating with him. He's playing you both for utter fools. Find a guy who truly loves you. This one doesn't at all.

[11moreweeks]

We recently broke up , and my ex is already hanging out with another girl and flying her down and recently going on vacation together right after. He was still reaching out to me saying he wanted to get back as he was spending time with her. ( I saw her video posts and saw him in them). I changed my number. I confronted him before and he said she was just a friend, why was he lying to me about this ? He said one thing like he still wants a relationship, but acts another. I still love him so I’m doing NC. He wanted to break up and said he loved me so much and I was the one he wanted to get married and make me his wife. Then he told me to live a little and only time will tell after 1-2 months we won’t be stressed from our relationshp and I’ll understand what he means by that. I’m confused with his mixed signals. He told me that later on if I found someone and they were the one , to let him know if not then maybe we can try again. I’m confused to what he’s trying to tell me. Maybe he’s seeing this other girl but doesn’t know if she likes him so he’s stringing me along ?

 

My interpretation is that he's either testing the waters for someone new and keeping you as some kind of backup, which is horrendously disrespectful of you as a person with feelings and value, or he's trying to keep you from moving on so that he can "live a little", sleep around, or do whatever else seems alluring in the single life, which is horrendously disrespectful of you as a person with feelings, desires, and expectations in life and relationships.

 

Maybe he likes you enough to want to keep you around, but he doesn't like relationships enough right now to commit; however, instead of truly letting you go so he can live this supposedly alluring single life, he's trying to keep all the benefits of what he had with you and the potential for "something more" he probably thinks you'd just give him for free if he wanted it. Maybe he likes you enough to keep you on the backburner but has some kind of illusion that he needs to find the mythical "the one" by dating around.

 

Either way, he's just being disrespectful and selfish. Him trying to encourage you to move on if the opportunity arises is an alleviation of guilt and a self-relieving justification for the mess he's created between you two. It means nothing of substance with regards to you and your dynamic with him -- it's alleviating, feel-good nonsense that dumpers say very often to dumpees they try to string along (and from what I can tell, dumpers usually believe it themselves. It's really quite foolish.)

 

You deserve to be treated like you truly matter. Don't bother talking to him as long as he's being like this (even if he "stops" and tries to interact with you again, he should probably be on probation. You are not a second choice.) and do everything you can to avoid updates regarding his life (like seeing her video posts). You deserve to be treated with respect, dignity, commitment, and consistency. Maintain strict no contact, move forward, work towards goals that can take over some of the emotional investment that you still have for your ex (ideally, goals that would be fulfilling but would bring you further away from him), focus on yourself, and accept/express your own feelings/thoughts regarding the loss of your ex & relationship as needed. And post here as needed as well!

[Wiseman2]

This is all you need to know to go strict no contact and delete and block him from all messaging and social media.

We recently broke up and my ex is already hanging out with another girl

[Ineedhelp123]

My interpretation is that he's either testing the waters for someone new and keeping you as some kind of backup, which is horrendously disrespectful of you as a person with feelings and value, or he's trying to keep you from moving on so that he can "live a little", sleep around, or do whatever else seems alluring in the single life, which is horrendously disrespectful of you as a person with feelings, desires, and expectations in life and relationships.

 

Maybe he likes you enough to want to keep you around, but he doesn't like relationships enough right now to commit; however, instead of truly letting you go so he can live this supposedly alluring single life, he's trying to keep all the benefits of what he had with you and the potential for "something more" he probably thinks you'd just give him for free if he wanted it. Maybe he likes you enough to keep you on the backburner but has some kind of illusion that he needs to find the mythical "the one" by dating around.

 

Either way, he's just being disrespectful and selfish. Him trying to encourage you to move on if the opportunity arises is an alleviation of guilt and a self-relieving justification for the mess he's created between you two. It means nothing of substance with regards to you and your dynamic with him -- it's alleviating, feel-good nonsense that dumpers say very often to dumpees they try to string along (and from what I can tell, dumpers usually believe it themselves. It's really quite foolish.)

 

You deserve to be treated like you truly matter. Don't bother talking to him as long as he's being like this (even if he "stops" and tries to interact with you again, he should probably be on probation. You are not a second choice.) and do everything you can to avoid updates regarding his life (like seeing her video posts). You deserve to be treated with respect, dignity, commitment, and consistency. Maintain strict no contact, move forward, work towards goals that can take over some of the emotional investment that you still have for your ex (ideally, goals that would be fulfilling but would bring you further away from him), focus on yourself, and accept/express your own feelings/thoughts regarding the loss of your ex & relationship as needed. And post here as needed as well!

 

 

 

I guess the truth hurts that this man really didn’t love me at all, and the fact that we broke up and he’s moving along with her so fast. I think he was unhappy with the relationship and found someone else and jumped ship, then felt bad for me. I’ll never understand why he was selfish enough to string me along. We were broken up for 2 weeks, and every few days he would spam call and leave voicemails, saying he needed to talk to me and explain everything and tell me that I shouldn’t give up cause he still wants this. It was really confusing, that I changed my number because he was not letting me move on. My heart is crushed with this break up and I can’t sleep at night. It really hurts a lot

[MissCanuck]

I guess the truth hurts that this man really didn’t love me at all, and the fact that we broke up and he’s moving along with her so fast. I think he was unhappy with the relationship and found someone else and jumped ship, then felt bad for me. I’ll never understand why he was selfish enough to string me along. We were broken up for 2 weeks, and every few days he would spam call and leave voicemails, saying he needed to talk to me and explain everything and tell me that I shouldn’t give up cause he still wants this. It was really confusing, that I changed my number because he was not letting me move on. My heart is crushed with this break up and I can’t sleep at night. It really hurts a lot

 

Is he still contacting you now? I am unclear as to whether he told you all of this before you changed your number, or if he's somehow worked out another way to contact you since.

 

I am sorry you got mixed up with a guy like this. His behaviour says a lot about his true character, and none of it is good. After the initial pain has subsided, you will be grateful you got out of this. Mark my words. He's no prize at all.

[Ineedhelp123]

Is he still contacting you now? I am unclear as to whether he told you all of this before you changed your number, or if he's somehow worked out another way to contact you since.

 

I am sorry you got mixed up with a guy like this. His behaviour says a lot about his true character, and none of it is good. After the initial pain has subsided, you will be grateful you got out of this. Mark my words. He's no prize at all.

 

 

 

He said all this , and after that I found out he was dating another girl. I confronted him which I should have and he told me they were just friends and he didn’t want to break up. He got mutual friends to text me , but I just couldn’t have him making me so confused so I changed my phone number. Then I realized he went a trip ( same place he took me ) with this girl. He has no way to contact me now

[MissCanuck]

He said all this , and after that I found out he was dating another girl. I confronted him which I should have and he told me they were just friends and he didn’t want to break up. He got mutual friends to text me , but I just couldn’t have him making me so confused so I changed my phone number. Then I realized he went a trip ( same place he took me ) with this girl. He has no way to contact me now

 

And how did you get this information?

 

Great that he can't contact you now. Please don't respond to mutual "friends" who contact you on his behalf. No real friend would put you through that nonsense.

[Ineedhelp123]

And how did you get this information?

 

Great that he can't contact you now. Please don't respond to mutual "friends" who contact you on his behalf. No real friend would put you through that nonsense.

 

 

 

I got this information on social media, through Instagram snap stores. I know this girl we’re from the same friend circleZ

[11moreweeks]

I guess the truth hurts that this man really didn’t love me at all, and the fact that we broke up and he’s moving along with her so fast. I think he was unhappy with the relationship and found someone else and jumped ship, then felt bad for me. I’ll never understand why he was selfish enough to string me along. We were broken up for 2 weeks, and every few days he would spam call and leave voicemails, saying he needed to talk to me and explain everything and tell me that I shouldn’t give up cause he still wants this. It was really confusing, that I changed my number because he was not letting me move on. My heart is crushed with this break up and I can’t sleep at night. It really hurts a lot

 

Maybe he really did love you -- you're probably quite lovable. However, he clearly doesn't respect and doesn't care about you at this point in time, and if he still actually loves you and wants to commit with you now, then he's so out-of-touch with both his and your emotions and destructive in his behavior during this tribulation that he'd make for a pretty unattractive and bad partner. You can't trust anything from him right now even if he seems to come from a place of sincerity, and based on his actions, you definitely shouldn't trust him when he implies any sort of commitment to you.

 

I think it's fine to think poorly about this ex, but thinking that maybe he didn't love you can put too much of the weight of relationship failure on your shoulders, so be a little careful with those thoughts. Your present thoughts can influence your current thoughts, and while it can be hard to reframe things, at least contemplating alternative narratives/scenarios that are more positive/beneficial for you can help train your brain to reframe things and actually help you be more self-loving. Any time you see yourself thinking or saying something like "He really didn't love me", try to take your thought with a grain of salt and say, "it could also be this other explanation which is good for me and healthier to think. I don't know for sure yet." At least, that's what I've been doing and I've found it helpful. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in general can help a lot after a breakup that creates a very messy, painful, and destructive dynamic.

 

It's alright to hurt, especially with how much he kept hurting you after you broke up and how much he's strung you along. You'll get through it, and when/if necessary, the great people on this website can help you get through it.

[Ineedhelp123]

Maybe he really did love you -- you're probably quite lovable. However, he clearly doesn't respect and doesn't care about you at this point in time, and if he still actually loves you and wants to commit with you now, then he's so out-of-touch with both his and your emotions and destructive in his behavior during this tribulation that he'd make for a pretty unattractive and bad partner. You can't trust anything from him right now even if he seems to come from a place of sincerity, and based on his actions, you definitely shouldn't trust him when he implies any sort of commitment to you.

 

I think it's fine to think poorly about this ex, but thinking that maybe he didn't love you can put too much of the weight of relationship failure on your shoulders, so be a little careful with those thoughts. Your present thoughts can influence your current thoughts, and while it can be hard to reframe things, at least contemplating alternative narratives/scenarios that are more positive/beneficial for you can help train your brain to reframe things and actually help you be more self-loving. Any time you see yourself thinking or saying something like "He really didn't love me", try to take your thought with a grain of salt and say, "it could also be this other explanation which is good for me and healthier to think. I don't know for sure yet." At least, that's what I've been doing and I've found it helpful. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in general can help a lot after a breakup that creates a very messy, painful, and destructive dynamic.

 

It's alright to hurt, especially with how much he kept hurting you after you broke up and how much he's strung you along. You'll get through it, and when/if necessary, the great people on this website can help you get through it.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for your advice and support, I really appreciate it !! I’m getting beat up confused with wether he left me to be with her , and to try things with her. Or he broke up with me and met her and is with her as a rebound. I guess I just want to know , how am I able to tell ? I mean and he’s hiding their relationshp , when I confronted him , his mutual friend texted me and said they are nothing.

[Ineedhelp123]

Thank you for your advice and support, I really appreciate it !! I’m getting beat up confused with wether he left me to be with her , and to try things with her. Or he broke up with me and met her and is with her as a rebound. I guess I just want to know , how am I able to tell ? I mean and he’s hiding their relationshp , when I confronted him , his mutual friend texted me and said they are nothing.

 

 

 

 

I guess he broke things off with me and trying with her and wanted to keep me on the side in case they don’t work out or he regrets his decision. Do you think he was already pursuing her when he was unhappy with our relationship? And when he felt she was interested he jumped ship, I remember I found out they had dinner while we were on a break / arguing a week prior to all this. He asked me if I thought she was good looking, I laughed and said no. He agreed and also said she’s not his style and she’s easy. So I’m confused now.

[MissCanuck]

I guess he broke things off with me and trying with her and wanted to keep me on the side in case they don’t work out or he regrets his decision. Do you think he was already pursuing her when he was unhappy with our relationship? And when he felt she was interested he jumped ship, I remember I found out they had dinner while we were on a break / arguing a week prior to all this. He asked me if I thought she was good looking, I laughed and said no. He agreed and also said she’s not his style and she’s easy. So I’m confused now.

 

More than likely, yes.

 

He sounds like exactly the type of guy who lines up the next girl before dumping the first one.

[Hollyj]

Go back and read all of the responses to your earlier threads. You continue to ask the same question, over and over.

 

You will not get a different response. He is stringing you along. he is with another girl.

 

He does not love you!

[Hollyj]

I guess the truth hurts that this man really didn’t love me at all, and the fact that we broke up and he’s moving along with her so fast. I think he was unhappy with the relationship and found someone else and jumped ship, then felt bad for me. I’ll never understand why he was selfish enough to string me along. We were broken up for 2 weeks, and every few days he would spam call and leave voicemails, saying he needed to talk to me and explain everything and tell me that I shouldn’t give up cause he still wants this. It was really confusing, that I changed my number because he was not letting me move on. My heart is crushed with this break up and I can’t sleep at night. It really hurts a lot

 

He does not feel bad for you, he is using you for attention. He is stringing you along.