emotional wreck

[Unknown10002]

im Seeking an outsiders perspective, I am in a relationship where love is blinding my sense of what is right or wrong. Im concerned we have developed into an emotionally abusive relationship. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for over a year and a half. He’s my second real relationship and I’m 30 years old he’s 43. From the beginning I never wanted to give him a chance because He was older and has 5 children with three different Women. But as we became friends we grew very close and I decided to give him a chance. I’ve never been with a man who has kids and problems came about because of it. I found it hard to share a holiday with his ex or standing there watching him take a “family” photo with his ex and his kid during a birthday. In a way it hurts me to see this maybe because I might want to have a family one day and I don’t think I want to have a mixed family. These are things I never realized I’d ever be dealing with or thinking about. He suggested we all go on a family vaca with me his kids and his ex, mind you his 3 kids with her are teenagers 14,16,19 and unless it’s a baby that needs caring for i do not understand why I would need to go on a trip with his ex. He says it’s not about you it’s about the kids, but why would they be parading around as a family that they aren’t and I’m just there feeling uncomfortable. What woman wants to go on a trip with their boyfriends ex kids mom? I don’t understand why just me him and the kids can’t go on our own trip and make our own memories. And he’s mentioned his kids complain that I wouldn’t like the idea which is true but then he makes them feel like it’s okay to think it’s okay for us all to be going on a trip together like some big happy family. It’s weird and I’m not doing that. Another big problem is that he has a very strange intimate relationship with his ex’s sister. They go on vacations together one of which I went to with his ex’s mom and sister and their old friends. She texts at any hour of the night and continues to invite him to their family functions. They joke about sexual inuindos but after I read a message of her saying something along the lines of “bring the kids and don’t invite her jk” i confronted her in a message saying that her behavior is inappropriate to me as a girlfriend. Now we argue because I find messages from her saying “delete that I don’t want any problems” and still I see messages at 2am and to me it’s inappropriate. Although he has a kid with her sister I believe there’s an unspoken rule of letting the family go after you break up this had gotten out of hand. My boyfriend thinks he’s doing nothing wrong and I am livid. I think it’s completely disrespectful to me and I don’t know what to do anymore. Lastly his youngest daughter is 7 and she is autistic and extremely hard to handle. She is hyper emotional, hyperactive, has trouble listening, repetition doesn’t help and her anger outbursts are something I’ve never seen before. A big trouble is he barely parents her, he literally lets his mom care for her for everything, bathing her, feeding her, he doesn’t know how to discipline or ever be a parent from what I’ve seen. I don’t have any patience for children what so ever so seeing a children like this was very hard to understand and most times when she’s around hell give her An iPod and she’s quiet for hours which is unfortunate but even when I have tried to interact she’s not really conscious she doesn’t really think about what she’s saying when she speaks she’s grown really bad habits of selfishness and an enflated sense of self, has a hard time sharing or not having things her way Ive has such a hard time interacting with her at all dodging her random outbursts and crying or screaming for no reason. He sees that I’m distant with her and he understands because she is extremely difficult but it’s sad for him that i don’t feel like i can interact with her much. I mentioned the other day that I’m going to have to meet her mother one day and he says as long as she’s with her current boyfriend I would not meet her. Which is another issue, to me I find it strange that he is still upset over her boyfriend because he used to be a mutual friend of theirs. To me I would figure if I relationship is over then their new partner wouldn’t mean anything to you because you have moved on. But he says that he doesn’t want to bring me around her because then she’ll bring her boyfriend around and he will never interact with him. I mean there is only so much I can take. Even writing this sounds so ridiculous to me. The crazy thing is that in work in taste in affection in love we are so compatible. A compatibility I’ve always wanted in a partner. Just the way his personality Is compliments mine so much. We’ve built so much in a year because we work so well together but when it comes to his past and his kids we don’t work. We got into a huge argument tonight because he went out but later I find a message from his ex’s sister at 2am like as if there was a previous convo that had been deleted and all I could think of was why are young going behind my back and hiding this from me when I’ve asked you to stop this weird intimacy with your ex’s sister. I wouldn’t give him his phone, he fiercely tried to grab it from me and threatened that our relationship was over in front of everyone. Mind you we were at a restaurant and caused a huge scene it was so embarrassing and someone called the cops because they saw a man being forceful with a woman. My sister was there and was very concerned that he got violent. She just moved to the city and after it was all over he said he wants her out of the Apartment. I feel so bad and sick and have no idea how to feel. I am so deeply in love that I can no longer see what is right or wrong anymore and am in desperate need of some help.

[Hopeful7]

I am going thru a breakup and in a fog but I can see this is a dysfunctional relationship. PLEASE get out now . The relationship with the sister is sooooo weird . Also the the fact he doesn't want u around the ex with with new boyfriend sounds so sketchy . This also sounds like too many red flags .

[Keyman]

I think you can see perfectly well, else why are you coming to us?

 

Firstly, that was very difficult to read, one big block of text. I gave up although I got the gist of it.

 

What are you actually in love with? This guy that you have just written all of these things about?

 

Take my advice and get out now.

[DancingFool]

You know perfectly well that this man is completely dysfunctional and that what he is trying to force on ALL of you as "normal" is anything but. His relationship history and three baby momma's should be a giant red flag slapping you in the face as well.

 

So the question is really simple, OP. What kind of a life and relationship do you want for yourself? Do you want to keep sticking around in this crazy land, constantly arguing about right and wrong, constantly disrespected, feeling bad about yourself because deep down you know this is nuts OR do you want to dump this creep and go find a decent guy with whom you can have a healthy relationship, marriage, family, etc. What do you want more? Dysfunction and creepy drama or a happy normal life and a family? When you look at it that way....the answer seems pretty easy.

[Chelsea54]

I couldn’t read the whole thing. But you’ve already answered your own first set of questions.

-You want to make your own family.

-There is discomfort with the age difference and multiple ex’s.

-He’s not in touch with your feelings of discomfort.

-his expectation is that you bend your sense of how things should be to suit him.

—you feel out of place as they all play house/family——because you should feel that way.

 

Are you ready to leave this? Yes? Leave this. You’ll be doing him a favor and taking care of yourself.

 

Let him be happy with another woman who also has kids and ex’s. Or one who revels in all of his baggage. Some women enjoy jumping into a ready made family.

 

Go be happy by Yourself to detox from him and then find a gentleman who shares your goals and view of the future.

 

Good luck.

[wgmitch]

Break ups are never easy, but there needs to be a break up happening here. You really need to get out of this relationship. You are obviously not happy. Why would you want to stay in this when you are so unhappy?

 

Your title is "Emotional Wreck." You are an emotional wreck from this relationship. You will be better off without all of this drama.

 

Mitch

[Hollyj]

Get out of this craziness. Why in the heck did you sign up for this mess? Drama!

 

Inappropriate relationship with the sister

Kids and all the exes are all over the place

Not over the latest ex.

 

Multiple baby mommas is not a positive trait.