What to do after first meetup with ex girlfriend?

[ryan81298]

Long story short my girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. She didn't know if breaking up or staying together is right. She said she needed time and space and if it was meant to be it was meant to be and if not we would move on. I still really want her back and I've made changes in my life to become a better person. We have remained in contact texting every 3-5 days and they're usually short conversations. I asked her to catch up over coffee and she replied that would be nice and she would let me know next week when is free because she is having family health issues this week.

 

I am going to be confidant and act normal. Maybe flirt with her a little but I'm not gonna rush anything.

 

My question is what do I do after this meet up? Do I wait a week or two then suggest a dinner or a movie? Or do I bring up a possible reconciliation? Is this a good sign that she is still interested? I'm just confused what to do after and I can't really find any advice. You could tell me to just move on but that's not what I want to do right now.

[RyanJ64]

Well it really depends on what shes feeling and how you act during the meet up. Having gone through this exact thing and it blowing up in my face I suggest dont make assumptions on how the convo will go. Dont get emotional because it will push her away. And you have to accept the possibility that she will say no to you.

If it does go well and shes flirting back, maybe ask her out at the end of the meet up.

[DancingFool]

Grab the bull by the horns so to speak. Meaning ask about reconciling and if you get anything other than an enthusiastic YES!, cut all contact with her, let go and move on. Someone who is right for you and knows you are right for them won't dump you to "think" and "find themselves". They will not risk losing a person they love and value. She doesn't care if she loses you. I know you don't want to hear this, but the sooner you face it the better.

 

IF by any chance you actually get that yes, hold your horses. Do not jump back in like nothing happened. Be sure to talk and put on the table ALL that went wrong from before on BOTH sides. Not just what was wrong with you but also her issues as well. For a second chance to work, you both have to be very honest with each other about what all went wrong, be able to talk about it and come up with a plan on how to work on things going forward so that you don't end up in the same place a few months down the road, aka breaking up again.

[SweetGirl28]

Ryan, starting a new thread now lol.

You need to tell her without being emotional how you feel, and what you want.

Do not drag this out or your heart will be crushed.

If she says she wants to go slow and date others, walk away.

If she says she wants to just try dating you, go forward slowly.

And please let the other girl know. It's not fair to keep her as an option while you do this.

If she wants to reconcile, ask her out for that same week, but keep the meet ups limited to a couple of hours at first.

 

Edit to add: is this a different Ryan? Lol well all the above, minus the other girl cuz maybe there isn't one? Lol I read too many threads today

[MissCanuck]

Don't plan what you will do after the meet-up until the meet-up happens.

 

Wait and see how that goes first. Then think about the next steps.

 

Her agreeing to meet with you is not necessarily a sign she wants to reconcile. Maybe, but maybe not. Don't get ahead of yourself until the coffee meeting actually happens and you can see how she is around you.

[boltnrun]

I would wait and see if she actually follows through with meeting up.

[mynameisneo]

Keep things light. Do not reflect on the bad parts of the relationship unless she brings them up. If she does, tell her you'd rather focus on the future than the past, and if she has legitimate gripes about something you've done when you were together, apologize honestly and move on.

 

Have fun and focus on rebuilding a connection. Don't talk about getting back together!! I disagree with the advice of jumping straight to this, it's generally a bad idea when you're first reconnecting as you don't know what she's feeling and how about your old and new dynamic in general.

 

Give her a reason to see you again. Be funny, kind, compassionate, pleasant to be around, a gentleman. You're not going to win this in one date. The point is to re-ignite the connection and make it grow again over time. Good luck!!

[Morello]

I don't understand (or better, don't agree) with people suggesting that you should walk away if she doesn't say she wants to get back together straight away.

 

First thing, you shouldn't even bring it up on this first encounter. You are broken up, which means there are things to be fixed in order to get back together. How will she know that by just seeing you and talking briefly with you? These things need time. If you ask if she wants to get back together, you will most likely get a no, since this will almost like an ultimatum.

 

I understand that you don't wanna be strung along but one meet up is not enough input for someone to want to get back with you. Unless they have made the decision already before even meeting up. Just meet and see how it goes. Avoid talking about the past, focus on simple things like what you two have been up to, keep it light. You can flirt a bit, but not to much, unless she is clearly open to it. Give her time and space. Then after a few meet ups you can ask the question when you feel appropriate. I like the advice above.

[ryan81298]

I think I must be a different ryan lol, thanks for the advice

[Last Gentleman]

Long story short my girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. She didn't know if breaking up or staying together is right. She said she needed time and space and if it was meant to be it was meant to be and if not we would move on

 

Another one of these topics where the guy wants his ex back and only talks about her, her, her...

 

She broke up with you for a reason, now you've made changes that's good but she broke up with you, as there is very rarely a 100% side at fault, you need to (sorry) grow a backbone

and be as well clear that you have boundaries and will not be strung along.

Showing her respect being funny enticing her to reignite the spark is one thing, but if you let her step on you and don't show self respect because you've changed, she will not respect you

plain and simple, so it's very likely it'll end you in the friend zone.

 

Show your intent politely but firmly and say this "I do not want to be your friend, I like you too much for that", it might seem simple but looking a woman in the eyes with confidence and

saying this, usually makes her understand clearly she can't play with you, also accept she might just end it totally but you're better of not wasting months for this to maybe happen anyway,

 

I wouldn't maybe do this after just 1 meeting, it's up to you to feel her mood, but at some point you'll have to be clear because let's not kid yourself a cute woman gets hit on daily by guys,

so while you are waiting for her she can meet a guy that will spark her desires and you're done !

[SweetGirl28]

I think I must be a different ryan lol, thanks for the advice

 

Ya I see that :) sorry, but good luck to you. Hope everything works out the way you want.