Ex messes with me...

[Nsomnia901]

My ex and I broke up in Sept... She moved out in Jan.. During that time there was no kind of intimacy.. We just more less roomates...she didn't want to fix anything...i did.... She didn't want to help financially so I said she had to move.. After she moved out, it was a weekly pattern of friends...then enemies...then I'll always love you....then bring up past and blame blame blame.... So In Feb I just flat out stopped talking to her.... Very limited contact... Only talked when it involved our daughter... Drop offs and pick ups. I just immediately focussed on my child and ignored her..... I really loved this woman.... Why. I just don't know.... The entire relationship was one sided... I paid bills... I raised daughter...kept house clean... Did shopping and cooking. Tried to plan things for the 3 of us... And she was just detached...never talked...never helped...never cared. But regardless. I still loved her...and still do...

 

So Feb I decided I'm done trying to convince her to come back...i just started to be happy and move on and just LC with her... Then Valentine's Day came and she brings me like a $25 chocolate box.. Hugged me and simple lip kiss... I was surprised...wasnt expecting it. So then her B-Day was a week later.... And I sent her flowers and a card. From our daughter but I also included my name...

 

All the emotions come flying back since...and the other day I snapped at her. And we just traveled right back to the end of the relationship...

 

So she said she wants to no part of me...just talk when it involves daughter.. I said fine...whatever.... But she doesn't get to play these head games....

 

Now she's giving me the I always loved you... You're amazing guy...amazing dad......the whole post break up run of the mill platitudes.... You deserve happiness and I know I wasn't what you were looking for.... Which pissed me off. Because I fought...she left... I begged to fix..she couldn't... I tried to save family...she didn't. Always something to blame... Which I told her.... Ummm. Maybe you're statement should have said that I wasnt good enough for her...

 

Ugh... I've played her wishes.. I've been nice.... I don't drink anymore period... I do things with my daughter.... And I'm happy. I'm not dating but I'm talking to other women.. Just friendly daily chats... But she wants to come back to my world. Like friendly... Then hugs...then gives false hope..... So then I invite her to enjoy the day the 3 of us...and she declines..... Then gets mad at me...and chews me out..... Then next day apologises....and is all lovey and thoughtful....and the. Shuts down again....

 

This pattern has been entire month of Feb.... Nice....close....mean... Sorry....nice...close....mean...sorry..... So I finally snapped... And she writes me off Completely now.... And then I say fine whatever..... Now she's doing the, well always be friends.... Blah blah blah.....

 

I can't handle this....she knows I love her despite all of this.... I picked her.... We have a child... And despite all of this....if she asked for forgiveness and wanted to fix things... I probably would try..... And she knows that... But I feel like she gives just false hope and then takes it....then gives it... Or acts and talks like we're going to get back....but then goes...i just an being friendly.... Like OK, you bring me breakfast....hug me and kiss my cheek and squeeze me...... Then goes, oh it was me being friendly...

 

Sorry...for long post.... But seriously... How does one heal with this crap going on? I shut her down.....ignored... Made it clear I'm not going to be with her....push her away.... Then she tries like hell and I think we'll maybe she's rethinking and is being genuine....then once I open up...she just shuts down again.. And I'm feeling dumb....and hurt and pissed.

[kbbcoop77]

Dude healing is a choice. You have a child together which makes it more difficult as obviously the child is a minor but how old is your daughter? Can she walk from the car to her moms place at drop offs? My children were older when my wife split now they’re adults so I don’t have any contact which helps. You’re allowing yourself to get dragged into her manipulations with the ups and downs she’s orchestrating. You need to stop engaging. Communicate through email only. Schedule drop offs and pick ups and do just that. As long as you allow her in you’re gonna be stuck.

[Nsomnia901]

Dude healing is a choice. You have a child together which makes it more difficult as obviously the child is a minor but how old is your daughter? Can she walk from the car to her moms place at drop offs? My children were older when my wife split now they’re adults so I don’t have any contact which helps. You’re allowing yourself to get dragged into her manipulations with the ups and downs she’s orchestrating. You need to stop engaging. Communicate through email only. Schedule drop offs and pick ups and do just that. As long as you allow her in you’re gonna be stuck.

My daughter is 19 months. And we share 50 50.... So we still see each other briefly at least 5 times a week...

[Hollyj]

Communicate through texts about the child. That's it. As KBB suggested, why don't you drop the child through a family member?

 

No more gifts.

 

Time to move on.

[katrina1980]

>>She knows I love her despite all this...

 

Bingo, THAT is the problem..

 

How does she know you still love her? Because you keep reacting. Emotionally.

 

So just stop doing that. I mean, it gets to a point where all this push/pull from her should be met with an eye roll anyway.

 

A BIG eye roll.

 

Going forward, whenever she pulls, it goes in one ear and out the other.

 

Ignore. Don't react. Pretend it didn't happen. Become apathetic.

 

Even if you don't feel it at first, pretend. Act "as if" you don't care.

 

Soon it will become second nature like developing a new habit.

 

If you didn't have a daughter together, I would suggest blocking and deleting but obviously you can't do that.

 

So just ignore it and not react! Eventually she'll get it and stop her silly mind-games and shenanigans.