Is now a good time?

[Viceroy]

Hi,

 

I am 23 years old and I recently got my first job as a high school teacher back in November. I am living at home with my parents, so I am saving decent money and able to enjoy myself. However, recently I've been wondering about dating. There is this really nice teacher at my job, in my department, that I find really, really attractive and I would love to "hang out" with her outside of school.

 

Do you think it's worth asking to hang out with her/get to know her better and see if she is a potential dating partner? She's on my mind a lot lately. However, I am afraid she will be a distraction and will cause me to veer off course. I don't like teaching, so next year I am planning on going back to school to pursue a second degree in nursing.

 

I am pretty sure she's single, she's also a little older than me (35 years old) which doesn't bother me at all. I am just concerned that we are at to different stages in our life. I would like some advice. Do you think I should look into the possibility of building a relationship with her or just focus on accomplishing my goals? I've been single for a little over a year, I would like to have some fun.

 

Appreciate any thoughts, thanks!

[abitbroken]

I am not sure what the policies at your school are, so i would tread carefully. I think because she is a coworker and because of the age difference, i would not be direct with your interest. Your job is to stay in your job - you are the lowest person on the totem pole in seniority and you don't want to cause awkwardness that jeopardizes your job. you don't want to be the new male teacher that is using work as a dating pool. I would not ask her out - but simply get to know her through school functions and committees.It could be that your attraction fades during that time. I recommend you focusing on saving money and eventually moving out, and maybe finding other ways outside of work to meet women. You are at the right age where its seen as okay to live with your parents still -- and so its not a detriment to you.

 

You can have some fun - go out with your male friends -- try meetup groups as well, but i would not pursue another teacher in your first year at that school. You just started.

[melancholy123]

Is it ok at your school to date a fellow teacher? You need to know that first. She may think you are too young, so consider that. Why not spend your time just getting to know her as a fellow teacher and see how that progresses? Dont look at her as a potential date, but start with a friendship.

[Viceroy]

Abitbroken, I Appreciate the advice. One of the reasons I really haven't said a word is because I am afraid of that awkwardness that would follow if she wasn't interested at all. That would be awful since I have to see her a few times a week. I really wanted to test the waters, I like the solution you offered. Thank you very much!

[Viceroy]

Melancholy123,

 

Thanks so much for your reply. I honestly don't know but I have noted several married couples working in the school. I guess I wasn't really concerned about that because I am only teaching for a very short period of time. I never thought she might think of me as too young, wow!!!! That is really something to consider, thank you very much! I am just very reluctant to say a word because of the awkwardness that may follow.

[abitbroken]

Abitbroken, I Appreciate the advice. One of the reasons I really haven't said a word is because I am afraid of that awkwardness that would follow if she wasn't interested at all. That would be awful since I have to see her a few times a week. I really wanted to test the waters, I like the solution you offered. Thank you very much!

 

I really think you should meet other women out of school. Only get to know her as a colleague. That's all. But have equal time, try to get to know male colleagues as well.

 

Melancholy123,

 

Thanks so much for your reply. I honestly don't know but I have noted several married couples working in the school. I guess I wasn't really concerned about that because I am only teaching for a very short period of time. I never thought she might think of me as too young, wow!!!! That is really something to consider, thank you very much! I am just very reluctant to say a word because of the awkwardness that may follow.

 

Yes, you are a "kid" just out of school to most teachers in their 30s. They may appreciate the enthusiasm you may have being fresh out of school, but they are not looking to date you. A young teacher in her first couple years of working might be more your speed. But again, i would try to meet outside of work. its possible you could meet another teacher that doesn't work directly with you - someone at the middle school or elementary school or someone different entirely. When you have jobs in HS and college at restaurants, it seems common to meet dates that way, but once you are in the professional world, things are different. at least for quite some time

[Viceroy]

Abitbroken,

 

You're right. I guess this is just best kept as a fantasy. I have made two male friends there, we text and hang out and I do have a good time with them. We started going out to lunch on Fridays, and soon they invited her to come with us. I really started noticing her then. But you're right, for the rest of the time I'll spend there, I'll just focus on saving money and moving on. I am a little bummed. If i were being honest with myself, I guess I can't offer a 35 year old anything of value (at least the type of value they would be looking for).

 

Thanks again, I appreciate the thoughts so much :)

[melancholy123]

Melancholy123,

 

Thanks so much for your reply. I honestly don't know but I have noted several married couples working in the school. I guess I wasn't really concerned about that because I am only teaching for a very short period of time. I never thought she might think of me as too young, wow!!!! That is really something to consider, thank you very much! I am just very reluctant to say a word because of the awkwardness that may follow.

 

You're welcome. It doesnt matter that you dont plant to teach there for a long time, you'd still have to see her every day until your last day!

[abitbroken]

Abitbroken,

 

You're right. I guess this is just best kept as a fantasy. I have made two male friends there, we text and hang out and I do have a good time with them. We started going out to lunch on Fridays, and soon they invited her to come with us. I really started noticing her then. But you're right, for the rest of the time I'll spend there, I'll just focus on saving money and moving on. I am a little bummed. If i were being honest with myself, I guess I can't offer a 35 year old anything of value (at least the type of value they would be looking for).

 

Thanks again, I appreciate the thoughts so much :)

 

My brother dated a 34 year old woman when he was 21 and they were just too far apart in life and it had nothing to do with money.

 

The type of value she is looking for is to be on the same page in life. When i was dating again at 35, I had a target age range of 33-42. I wanted a guy who was sure about what he wanted in life and wasn't just starting out. he need not be rich, but i didn't want "i really haven't thought about if i would want kids someday" at that age, they are also pretty set on what type of relationship they are looking for. Enjoy being the age you are - you have a lot to offer --- she is not "better" than you -- but assume she isn't interested until she actually expresses interest.

[catfeeder]

I would use a dating app for setting up quick coffee meets to screen for potential dates, and I'd keep my dating life outside of work. Viewing a job as a dating pool is messy kid stuff, and it's not professional.

[Viceroy]

Well thanks for that advice. I just figure no problem dating in the work place because you know, we spend so much of our lives at work. I know for sure some people wouldn't date a co worker, no idea what her position on that is. But thanks for your advice!

[catfeeder]

Well thanks for that advice. I just figure no problem dating in the work place because you know, we spend so much of our lives at work.

 

That's one main reason why most people avoid dating coworkers. Aside from harming one's professional rep by demonstrating lousy judgment, most people are NOT our match. That's not cynical, it's just the odds. So any fallout from a bad match with anyone outside the job is self limiting: you just stop seeing them. Fallout from a workplace romance? Every. single. workday. for the duration of your job--along with all the gossip from the audience that goes with it.

 

Most people don't view either down side as fair trade for a crack at dating coworkers. Those who do tend to learn early enough in their careers why a single instance of bad judgment can haunt them into their future, sometimes industry-wide or community-wide.

 

That risk is not only your call, but hers. Good luck.

[Viceroy]

That's one main reason why most people avoid dating coworkers. Aside from harming one's professional rep by demonstrating lousy judgment, most people are NOT our match. That's not cynical, it's just the odds. So any fallout from a bad match with anyone outside the job is self limiting: you just stop seeing them. Fallout from a workplace romance? Every. single. workday. for the duration of your job--along with all the gossip from the audience that goes with it.

 

Most people don't view either down side as fair trade for a crack at dating coworkers. Those who do tend to learn early enough in their careers why a single instance of bad judgment can haunt them into their future, sometimes industry-wide or community-wide.

 

That risk is not only your call, but hers. Good luck.

 

 

Thanks Catfeeder, I really appreciate the advice!!!