Help please, I truly love this guy and I believe he is the one

[lostaf]

My ex is currently deployed and has been for 8 months. He is set to come back and a about a month. When we got together we were in ending Marriages. So we were together during the ending for a year and after the ending for almost another year. He is also 6 years younger than me. He has had three horrible marriages. The other part of it is he has been deployed three times before this. Cheated on twice and then he was deployed with the girl he was seeing. We had the perfect relationship before he left. We were always joking around and having fun. It was amazing. He deployed and all the way up to the end of the 7 month we were great. We always talked on video chat for hours and messaged each other. He even told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He bought me a promise ring. Well last week I was a little busy for a couple days at work and I would be tired by the time he woke up it was too late and but we both told each other we loved each other and everything was fine. Then I wake up to him breaking up with me and saying his ex was pulling him back. I called him and he was so cold. He talk to her about military stuff she was involved with. I guess after hearing her story about how she is broke and about her son getting hurt it effected him. He messaged her later that night and told her he missed everything with them as a family. This girl used him for benefits and money. She did not care at all about him. She treated his child horribly by physically and mentally abusing her. I was the only one who truly loved him and took care of him.

 

I supported him through his divorce when his ex left him without any money and a ton of bills, I supported his family that was staying here, and I supported him through the whole deployment anything he needed I sent it to him. I am still taken care of his stuff now. He told me he thinks her has been bouncing from relationship to relationship and never had the chance to get over them. He said he didn’t want ANYONE right now. He has been on three other deployments and two of them he was cheated on and the third he was deployed with the girl he was seeing. So he never really had someone waiting for him at home. He never had to go through all the emotions and if he did he probably felt like they were normal with being cheated on. I was so hurt that I thought let me go download a dating app. I did and he blew up on me for it. He said he didn’t want me to get hurt. He said he could careless if I dated anyone. He is completely numb He literally said he was going to come pick up his stuff and leave. Then he says stuff like he might be losing the best thing that ever happened to him maybe. Everytime I talk to him I blow up. It is like he never cared for me so I cant help it. I told him if I didn’t then he should worry because I don’t care anymore. Then I find out that he has to go to training a couple months after he gets home and the training is only 4 hours away from his ex. He knew about this the week prior to breaking up with me. I asked him if he wanted me to wait for him and he said he is not sure. He said he is missing something and he is not sure what it is and to just let him figure it out. That I should support him. I am trying to support him and be there for him. I told him I will be waiting for him. I truly love this guy and I believe he is the one. What do I do

[Wiseman2]

It would be best to rethink if you want to be with a guy who chronically cheats, is controlling, seems very immature and impulsive, has been divorced 3 x and is never around. 7 mos of fun dating doesn't make someone your soulmate. It would be best to delete and block him. Go back on the dating apps and start dating decent local guys. Don't volunteer to be a martyr. He wants to move on, let him.

[lostaf]

it wasn't just seven months we were friends for two years prior to that. Altogether it was 21 months of being together. I cant do the dating app thing. I feel wrong for even thing about it. I respect him for being military and I don't mind that he deploys. I am also military.

[melancholy123]

It would be best to rethink if you want to be with a guy who chronically cheats, is controlling, seems very immature and impulsive, has been divorced 3 x and is never around. 7 mos of fun dating doesn't make someone your soulmate. It would be best to delete and block him. Go back on the dating apps and start dating decent local guys. Don't volunteer to be a martyr. He wants to move on, let him.

 

Seriously OP please wake up and smell the coffee. This guy is not boyfriend or husband material. His track record of 3 divorces is very telling. He's never around, he cheats, the exes are all awful to him, treat the kids badly etc. This is a real hot mess you'd be better off to get yourself away from. What makes you think he will ever straighten out and become a good person?

[reinventmyself]

it wasn't just seven months we were friends for two years prior to that. Altogether it was 21 months of being together. I cant do the dating app thing. I feel wrong for even thing about it. I respect him for being military and I don't mind that he deploys. I am also military.

 

Respecting that he is in military is a totally separate thing then being involved with a man who can not seem to keep it in his pants, has no respect for women and keeps more than one iron in the fire at all times.

 

You are technically agreeing to part of his harem of women. Are you ok with that?

 

Have some self respect and tell this guy to shove off.

No man is that special. Military or not.

[indea08]

Sorry Op, but they're right. He's not the kind of guy you should aim to catch. Walk away now while you can.