ehovda321 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Trust issues with my girlfriend Here's the story: I'm a 20 year old guy who's been dating this awesome girl for about 4.5 years, we had a lot in common, she was really nice, I loved hanging out with her, we had so much planned for our future, however I've had a lot of trust issues with her... and a few days ago we decided to break up (I was the one who was trying to initiate it, but couldn't bring myself to do it- then she told me (in tears) "I know deep down you still won't be able to ever trust me, no matter what" and then I decided it was best to break up with her) We both still love eachother and we told each other we will remain best friends, and we even made plans to see Maze Runner: Death Cure together this Friday. More details: During the first two years of our relationship (2013-2015), I found out she had done a lot of things behind my back, including... - Talked to her exes in the first year and I found out later they still had feelings for her, yet she continued to talk to them (until I told her it made me uncomfortable and she stopped) - Invited all of her exes (along with all her friends and family) to her Grad Party, which was super awkward for me... and she didn't even want to ask me or anything. - Kissed a girl in front of me (she was bi-sexual at the time) during a game of Truth or Dare (and looked pretty happy/passionate about it) - She had flirted with 6 guys on multiple social media accounts (Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, etc) - calling them cute, handsome, hot, texting *hugs tight*, and they had flirted back a lot, and she asked many times questions like "Do you think I'm pretty" and similar stuff like that. She never did anything physical though (that I'm aware of..) However, initially when I found out about those 6 guys (all at once, one day when I looked at her phone) it broke me. She apologized and begged me not to leave her. We took about a two week break and then I decided to get back with her... At that time I tried to become the best man I could be for her, so she wouldn't go seeking attention from other guys. However, I couldn't trust her and for the past 2.5 years I've still looked at her social media accounts and looked through her messages on her accounts (almost every day). I tried to take breaks (weeks or months) of looking at her accounts, to try to get myself to just push past the past, and try to trust her... but then I found more stuff.... After the first breakup (2015-2018) - I found 3 guys (in the course of 2.5 years) flirting with her and she didn't really flirt back (that I saw...) The replies I saw from her were more like "I have a boyfriend" or "What??". However- here's the catch... I have noticed she will delete messages a lot from these types of guys... and I even saw (a couple months ago) one of her team leaders she works with (works at a grocery store - and has a girlfriend) drunk texted her and said "If I weren't drunk right now I'd hit on you" and she replied "What even??" and then deleted the messages quickly, but I was at work and I saw the messages. Then I followed up with her and asked why she deleted them and she apologized and tells me "They make me uncomfortable" or "I don't want you to worry".. Even though I've asked her multiple times for her not to delete messages from guys (and she promised three times) and broke all those promises.. Then (fast forward a month later) I can't look at her messages between that guy any more because they switched from Facebook Messenger to Snapchat... So for a month I've been paranoid about her and this guy... and I even saw in their Snapchat messages- she sent him three attractive photos of herself and saved them in the chat so they would be there permanently (the messages disappear otherwise... if the recipient looks at it once). She apologized to me and said they were harmless... but it made me uncomfortable and I've just had enough.... I feel like it isn't just an issue with the guys, it's also an issue with her. I feel like she is attention-seeking and I want a partner I can trust.... - She also is all about those "Snapchat Streaks" to continue a daily snapchat every day (we had a couple long streaks but we'd break them because we spent the whole day together or I forgot)... She's gotten annoyed and hasn't tried to start any with me anymore... but she will do a "Snapchat Streak" with this guy.... So here's the issues: - I can't trust her... (always thinking to myself... "What did she do behind my back that I didn't see....?" and that thought haunts me forever) - I'm insecure about myself after she's flirted with these guys, even though I feel like I've given her so much and done so much for her. - I still love her and she still loves me... - We had so many future plans together. What do I do?? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she did a lot of dopey teenage things but how old is she now? You started dating when you were 15? It sounds like you've grown apart a bit. It also sounds like you've both settled down too soon and you both need to explore what's out there a bit. I'm a 20 year old guy who's been dating this awesome girl for about 4.5 years Link to comment
ehovda321 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 We've been together since we were 16 years old (July 2013 - January 2018). We've matured and we weren't growing apart, we still hang out and talk all the time. We don't plan on settling down soon, we were thinking about 2-3 years from now. Link to comment
ehovda321 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she did a lot of dopey teenage things but how old is she now? You started dating when you were 15? It sounds like you've grown apart a bit. It also sounds like you've both settled down too soon and you both need to explore what's out there a bit. We've been together since we were 16 years old (July 2013 - January 2018). We've matured and we weren't growing apart, we still hang out and talk all the time. We don't plan on settling down soon, we talked and decided about getting married 2-3 years from now. Link to comment
dion333 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Hi Mate Sorry to hear this. The girl sounds like a complete nightmare!!!! I would feel exactly the same as you!! Infact, i would have dumped her along time ago. What an awful mind game player. She lacks respect for you and sounds like she gets turned on by flirting, sexual teasing and for all you know has done it with another guy or girl! Who the hell kisses another girl infront of there boyfriend?? How disgusting, insensitive and callous. Dude, wake up and smell the coffee!!! You sound like a nice guy, but this girl is going to mess you up silly. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 We've been together since we were 16 years old (July 2013 - January 2018). We've matured and we weren't growing apart, we still hang out and talk all the time. We don't plan on settling down soon, we were thinking about 2-3 years from now. and then I decided it was best to break up with her) If you've broken up, why on earth are you still hanging out and talking all of the time? You are wasting good dating years on a 'attention junkie' who, after several conversations about the matter, continues to be inappropriate and untrustworthy. You're stuck in limbo with an immature attention seeker whom you'll never be able to trust simply because she is untrustworthy. If you ever do move on to date someone else, I can almost guarantee you that any new girl you get with will NOT want you hanging out with what you call your "best friend" when you've been sexually intimate romantic partners. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 How many exes could a 16 year old have??? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 We've been together since we were 16 years old (July 2013 - January 2018). We've matured and we weren't growing apart, we still hang out and talk all the time. We don't plan on settling down soon, we were thinking about 2-3 years from now. ^ This is confusing. Did you break up, or not? If that's the case, it doesn't seem to make sense that you "hang out and talk all the time?" Link to comment
chrissyh23 Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 Trust issues with my girlfriend Here's the story: I'm a 20 year old guy who's been dating this awesome girl for about 4.5 years, we had a lot in common, she was really nice, I loved hanging out with her, we had so much planned for our future, however I've had a lot of trust issues with her... and a few days ago we decided to break up (I was the one who was trying to initiate it, but couldn't bring myself to do it- then she told me (in tears) "I know deep down you still won't be able to ever trust me, no matter what" and then I decided it was best to break up with her) We both still love eachother and we told each other we will remain best friends, and we even made plans to see Maze Runner: Death Cure together this Friday. More details: During the first two years of our relationship (2013-2015), I found out she had done a lot of things behind my back, including... - Talked to her exes in the first year and I found out later they still had feelings for her, yet she continued to talk to them (until I told her it made me uncomfortable and she stopped) - Invited all of her exes (along with all her friends and family) to her Grad Party, which was super awkward for me... and she didn't even want to ask me or anything. - Kissed a girl in front of me (she was bi-sexual at the time) during a game of Truth or Dare (and looked pretty happy/passionate about it) - She had flirted with 6 guys on multiple social media accounts (Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, etc) - calling them cute, handsome, hot, texting *hugs tight*, and they had flirted back a lot, and she asked many times questions like "Do you think I'm pretty" and similar stuff like that. She never did anything physical though (that I'm aware of..) However, initially when I found out about those 6 guys (all at once, one day when I looked at her phone) it broke me. She apologized and begged me not to leave her. We took about a two week break and then I decided to get back with her... At that time I tried to become the best man I could be for her, so she wouldn't go seeking attention from other guys. However, I couldn't trust her and for the past 2.5 years I've still looked at her social media accounts and looked through her messages on her accounts (almost every day). I tried to take breaks (weeks or months) of looking at her accounts, to try to get myself to just push past the past, and try to trust her... but then I found more stuff.... After the first breakup (2015-2018) - I found 3 guys (in the course of 2.5 years) flirting with her and she didn't really flirt back (that I saw...) The replies I saw from her were more like "I have a boyfriend" or "What??". However- here's the catch... I have noticed she will delete messages a lot from these types of guys... and I even saw (a couple months ago) one of her team leaders she works with (works at a grocery store - and has a girlfriend) drunk texted her and said "If I weren't drunk right now I'd hit on you" and she replied "What even??" and then deleted the messages quickly, but I was at work and I saw the messages. Then I followed up with her and asked why she deleted them and she apologized and tells me "They make me uncomfortable" or "I don't want you to worry".. Even though I've asked her multiple times for her not to delete messages from guys (and she promised three times) and broke all those promises.. Then (fast forward a month later) I can't look at her messages between that guy any more because they switched from Facebook Messenger to Snapchat... So for a month I've been paranoid about her and this guy... and I even saw in their Snapchat messages- she sent him three attractive photos of herself and saved them in the chat so they would be there permanently (the messages disappear otherwise... if the recipient looks at it once). She apologized to me and said they were harmless... but it made me uncomfortable and I've just had enough.... I feel like it isn't just an issue with the guys, it's also an issue with her. I feel like she is attention-seeking and I want a partner I can trust.... - She also is all about those "Snapchat Streaks" to continue a daily snapchat every day (we had a couple long streaks but we'd break them because we spent the whole day together or I forgot)... She's gotten annoyed and hasn't tried to start any with me anymore... but she will do a "Snapchat Streak" with this guy.... So here's the issues: - I can't trust her... (always thinking to myself... "What did she do behind my back that I didn't see....?" and that thought haunts me forever) - I'm insecure about myself after she's flirted with these guys, even though I feel like I've given her so much and done so much for her. - I still love her and she still loves me... - We had so many future plans together. What do I do??She needs to work on herself. She odvuiously has a low self esteem and lacks confidence in herself. That's why she like a the flirting and such with other guys. She needs others validation to feel good. See about the two of you going to a counselor and see if that helps. It just see if ahe wants to go. She is hurting you and keeps doing it. Trust is essential in a relationship. If you don't have that any more or on your way back to having it then things wont work out. Its a hard decision but you have to do what's best for you and you don't deserve to keep being hurt. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 OP has not logged in for over 2 mos. Link to comment
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