What should I do my girlfriend isn't speaking to me

[TimOliphant]

What should I do if my girlfriend isn't speaking to me? Last night I went out for a drink with a male friend at 6.30 pm. I wasn't intending to stay late and she knew about my plans as I'd told her the day before and I invited her to come, but she couldn't. So we said we'd speak later on the phone before bed. We had a couple of beers and were having a good time catching up and chatting, and then another male friend joined us (I'd texted him earlier on), so we had another drink with him and the three of us kept talking, just having a good, interesting conversation. It was eleven pm when we left the pub. I was aware of time passing and that I'd promised her we'd talk but didn't look at my phone during the conversation. I thought it would be OK if I called her then, but then I saw she'd sent me a message 40 minutes earlier saying 'good night', and then another one two minutes previously wondering if I'd seen the first one. I tried to call her but couldn't get through. So I sent her a message asking her to call me back and she asked if I was joking. So I then sent her a nice message saying good night. She replied saying she didn't follow. All of this was while I was in the street with my friends. Then one of them suggested going to another bar for one more drink, and we did. She then did call me and ended up shouting at me down the phone and hanging up on me. She then sent a series of angry messages and also accused me of insinuating that she spent too much time on her job and not enough with me. (This is totally untrue.) I can understand her being a bit angry about waiting for my reply or call, but it was eleven pm not three in the morning, and all I was doing was spending some time with my friends. This was the first time I'd gone out with friends in quite a while. I decided to leave it for the night and then this morning on the way to work sent her a message at eight am saying I was sorry we'd fought and asking if she wanted to meet as usual at the break that afternoon (we are also colleagues in the same language school). She didn't reply and I then saw her in the staff room at 12.30 break but we didn't speak or look at each other. She finally replied at 3pm saying she had things to do at the break. So I asked her to let me know if she wanted to talk; no reply. After work I sent her another message apologising for last night but also defending myself against what I find unfair on her part. She still has not replied. I have bought some fruit as a make up gift but don't know if I should give it to her before we've talked as she might take it as emotional manipulation. I just want to put this right and I miss her. I know I was a bit stupid and thoughtless last night but I don't think I deserve this. I admit I had had a few drinks on an empty stomach but I was not completely drunk and as I said I really don't go out much these days. It's not the first time she's gone silent on me in our eight months together but she has shouted like that or hung up on me before. Now I don't even know if she is going to end it and I hate the feeling of having to wait and not knowing. Any helpful and honest answers will be most appreciated. Thank you! Tim

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Let her cool off and wait for her to contact you.

[MissCanuck]

She is really over-reacting, in my opinion.

 

A pretty tame, occasional night out with friends should not be enough to warrant the silent treatment. However, my guess is that you two have other problems in the relationship and it came to a head on this occasion. How are things between you in general? You say she's been known to shout or hang up on you - how often does that happen, and about what? How long has she gone silent before? And for context, how old are you both?

 

You've done enough apologizing. Eat that fruit yourself; gifting her only enables this type of behaviour. You've said your piece and she is unwilling to talk. Let her come to you when she is ready to speak. And then get to the bottom of what she's really mad about, because I can just about promise she's angry about something else but hasn't really articulated what that is yet.

[boltnrun]

Every time you apologize and give her gifts after she shouts and hangs up on you and refuses to communicate with you, you are rewarding that behavior. Why would she stop?

[Snny]

She's got a crappy little attitude.

 

You had plans. You let her know. You spent time with friends an so got caught up. These things happen. And she wants to throw a pre-madonna attitude about it?

 

She should be the one apologizing, not you. You don't need to be kept on a tight leash for not calling her back by a certain time. She needs to get over herself.

 

And I agree on the gifts. She doesn't deserve them with her bratty behavior. Don't be a beta and cave in because she's the one whobis incapable of handling her own anger.